Stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. Help! (ultra long)

[blas]

As unfortunate as it sounds, sometimes friends do end up becoming different people and need to go their own seperate ways.

I know how it feels to have a friend change over time. I've had many friends in my years on earth, none of which have lasted very long. They have always turned out to be different people after a certain length of time. You have to ask yourself is it worth it, to be their friend? If their behavior/demeanor bothers you, irritates you, humiliates you, why suck it up and stay their friend?

To be totally honest, I am ashamed and will flat out deny ever being friends with certain people. When they turned around and showed their true colors, I had to go through a mourning period, and then just cut it off...

It's up to you. What's more important? Keeping this charade of a friendship afloat with this unsympathetic raging asstroll, or standing up for what is right for a girl who probably CAN'T stand up for herself? You decide. I hope you make the right decision.

[Seshat]

I'd suggest one round of "You're angering a lot of people Matt, tone it down." After that it's "Call me when you get your head on straight."

When my nieces or nephews (genetic and honorary) are totally out of line, we tell them 'go to your room and come back when you're ready to act like a human being'.

It's time to send Matt to his room.

As for Katie, someone needs to help her learn and understand her rights, and how to stand up for them, if she's capable of it. Search her family and friends - including yourself - for someone willing to teach her.

If she's not capable of understanding her rights and standing up for them, she needs an advocate. Disability services where you are, if they're good, might have someone who can be her advocate - it is a role social workers take on when there's funding. If there's not the funding for a paid advocate, help Katie search her family and her circle of friends for someone willing to take on the long-term task of handling discrimination and harassment situations like she's got at work now. At minimum, there should be someone in her family/friends who's willing to handle this current situation.

[Eireann]

I experienced some major attitude recently from someone I'd once considered to be a close friend. It wasnt a change of personality; it was his ugly side coming to the fore. We all have one. What we do with it, depends on us.

I don't know why Matt started showing his ugly side now rather than, say, all the time (so people could avoid him), but the truth is that he's:

Creating a hostile work environment.
Abusing a hardworking fellow employee.
Attempting to impose his own rules on the entire store.
Refusing to listen to reason.
Willing to waste a customer's time to make sure things are done his way.

There's no taking sides here. If my best friend were doing something like that (not that she ever would), I'd ask her if she had any idea what she was doing. In Matt's case, I think he's well aware of what he's doing. This may even be his way of getting himself fired, so that he can have yet another chip to add to several he flaunts so proudly on both shoulders. Just let him be an asshole, and don't have anything more to do with him.

[Crazeyal]

Uh, I hope you saved the phone message. Methinks it's time to start asking that MATT leave. Harrasing co-workers over the phone after a "leave each other alone" meeting? "Bye-Bye" time

[Geek King]

Am I the only one seeing the major change in Matt's situation? The big thing that has changed, if I'm reading right, is that Matt has been given some authority over other people. Some people do not handle having power well, and Matt seems to be one of those.

You mention that he has always been anal about his work, well now he has the position to force everyone under him to conform to what he feels is the right way. I think the position has gone to his head. Jester's advice may be the only way to knock the chip off his shoulder, and even then it might not work. I wish you luck, but be prepared to write off this friendship.

[workerbee222]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I worked with a similar fellow, and I got really good at thinking to myself, "Kevin does not sign your paycheck...Kevin does not sign your paycheck."

Sadly, Kevin was mentally ill, no joke, and eventually was fired. I always wondered if he'd been fired before he was so far along in his illness, he'd have taken it as a wake-up call and gotten the help he needed.

He never called any of us retarded, though, and it seems like that would be a fireable offense. The company would be protecting itself against lawsuit, as the ADA could run with that. What is management thinking?

[B&NGoddess]

for those saying that he should be fired- probably. hes been an ass for awhile and confrontational with management. but theres simply no way theyd fire him. hes too good at the rest of his job for one thing, and for another are you kidding? thatd mean wed have to train another head cashier. management doesnt have time for that nonsense. pfft. train someone new? unpossible.

as for katie, her family is a bunch of enablers. they dont trust her to handle her own finances, so her dad basically pays her bills for her and then gives her an "allowance", and her sisters just use her as a babysitter. her mom was the only one that encouraged her, but she died in '06. there are so many of us at work that are willing to help her, but her family holds her back. she was supposed to take some college classes, but that fell through and she hasn't done anything about it.

this is all very frustrating.