Rules on Food Servic Etiquitte (STRONG Language) (Work In Progress)

[penguingeekgod]

Many people tend to ignore basic etiquette and manners when being a food service patron. A vast majority WON'T violate health code, but there are plenty of vindictive things food service personnel can do to get even that are totally legal. To receive the best experience, follow these basic items:

When ordering from the drive-thru...

NEVER give an order if you are riding shotgun, you are to fucking far away for us to hear, even if you yell. Tell the driver what you want or go inside.

Don't yell, just talk normal and clear; just because you can't hear us DOESN'T mean we don't hear you.

Know what you want. Don't just sit there for 3 fucking minutes saying, "Ummm... Duhhh..." If you don't know what you want, go the fuck inside, there is a line forming behind you and we have better things to do than deal with your indecisiveness.

After you get your food, GET THE FUCK OUT!! We have a timer tied to a pressure sensor that ticks until your car leaves. If our times are shit, we have to listen to some soulless corporate zombie bitch about being too slow. If you want to double check the order, fine, but park your ass out of the way.

If you are going to order the store and blow $30, GET YOUR LAZY ASS INSIDE. It takes a while to make and pack big orders and it slows down the flow of the line.

Mention ALL coupons at the SPEAKER, otherwise, we have to delete the whole fucking order and punch it back in; it is a pain in the ass.

When you get to the window, be close to the building. We can't yell, "Go-go gadget arms!!" to close the 6 foot gap between your car and us.

Don't ask to buy a gift certificate; come inside, you lazy ass bum.

If something is wrong with your order...

Don't slam or throw shit at us. You are an adult, ACT LIKE IT.

We would be fine with replacing/remaking your order IF you hadn't eaten half of it already, you cheap prick. Return your food in tact or slightly dissected and we'll be more likely to believe you and let you off the hook.

Don't treat us like morons. We have a lot on our minds and are under pressure, mistakes happen, this time you happened to have gotten it. Unless you are perfect and are prepared to show us how much better you can do our jobs, shut up, smile, take your food, and get the fuck out.

When bringing young children into the restaurant...

We are not your babysitters. Don't go of wandering and return and ask us, "Where is my little brat?" We are too busy dealing with stupid people like you to keep an eye on some snot-nosed kid. Go away before we tell Child Services what a shitty parent you are.

When it comes to tipping...

In ANY sit down restaurant, tipping is NOT optional. We make less than $4/hr and depend on tips to, you know, LIVE. The standard tip is 15% or more for better service.

If you say, "Keep the change," we will keep EVERYTHING, because $0.34 is NEVER a tip. If you are too cheap to tip, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EATING OUT?!? Cooking at home is significantly cheaper.

If you are a notorious no tipper, you WILL get bad service. You see, we depend on tips, so if we know we won't get one, we have NO motivation to help you. Instead, we will skip you to care for generous customers so we can pay our rent.

If you leave only a few coins, it is an INSULT, so you can just go to Hell and fuck youself.

In general...

If a female employee is taking your order DON'T call her Sweety, Honey, or any other pet name, this is sexual harassment. She is only talking to you because she has no other choice, you creepy, horny, old bastard.

If you grab us, this constitutes assault and will have all self defense rights to kick your ass. Other employees will help hold you down.

Don't leave your area looking like a squalid Hell hole. People with Autism and Down's Syndrome can clean up their own messes with little or no prompting, so if they can do it, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE.

READ. If you read, you don't have to ask stupid questions like, "What is on your Cheap Bastard menu?" It is right in front of you. You have the luxury of literacy unlike about 10% of the population, EXERCISE THE ABILITY!!

Don't make up your own names to menu items, we have no clue what the fuck is going on in that bulk of sewage you call a brain, therefore, we will not understand you unless we go completely mad (unfortunately for you, we will be angry crazy people and will kill you with a napkin).

If you order during your lunch/dinner break when everyone else in town is doing the same, don't bitch about how long it takes to get your food, after all, it's NOT our fault you didn't plan ahead and pack a lunch box. Don't blame us for YOUR lack of foresight.

Don't show up 15 minutes before the lobby closes with a news paper or a novel, you are NOT at Starschmucks nor a library. We don't mind if you want to eat at a table; all we ask is that you sit down, eat your food, and LEAVE so we can close shit down.

And remember kiddies, NEVER fuck with the people that handle your food. Thank you.

I was VERY stressed when I wrote this and quit my fast food job a week later.

[Saydrah]

I like your list, and I learned some things- I guess I made some unintentional mistakes on the rare occasions I order from drivethrus, because I honestly never knew that you must declare coupons at the speaker- I equated handing coupons to the person serving me with handing them to a cashier, in other words, thought that was the correct etiquette.

I would suggest one minor edit:

Don't leave your area looking like a squalid Hell hole. People with Autism and Down's Syndrome can clean up their own messes with little or no prompting, so if they can do it, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE.

Autism and Down's Syndrome have little to nothing to do with the ability to clean up messes- they are cognitive/developmental/neurological disabilities that are part of who a person is, vary greatly in severity, and among the hundreds of similar diagnoses out there, there is no need to single out people with these two relatively common diagnoses as "If they can do it, so can you." That kind of language tends to be offensive to people with disabilities, as it is patronizing and makes the disability more important than the person. There are tidy people with Down's syndrome and total slobs with Down's syndrome, and likely their diagnosis has far less to do with the difference than their personality does.

How about changing it to "Small children" or "Dogs" can be trained to clean up messes with little or no prompting? My dog knows how to pick up his toys and replace them in the toybox when he is done playing with them, so I'm pretty sure SCs are capable of picking up their waste and placing it in the trashcan when they are done playing with it!

[CreepyCarrie]

Know what you want. Don't just sit there for 3 fucking minutes saying, "Ummm... Duhhh..." If you don't know what you want, go the fuck inside, there is a line forming behind you and we have better things to do than deal with your indecisiveness.

After you get your food, GET THE FUCK OUT!! We have a timer tied to a pressure sensor that ticks until your car leaves. If our times are shit, we have to listen to some soulless corporate zombie bitch about being too slow. If you want to double check the order, fine, but park your ass out of the way.

Amen! Nothing chaps my ass more than answering the headset and hearing "Uuuuum...uh....Gimme just a minute......*5 minutes later*....What kind of doughnuts do you have? Do you have the one that's kinda chocolatey but not THAT chocolatey, with the gooey pudding in the center? I'm not sure what kind of filling it is, but it's gooey....." And on and on and freaking on.

And then after they get their stuff, I've had people sit on the sensor pad for 5 minutes doing things like checking their hair, makeup, talking on the phone, tending to their kids, etc. PARK AND DO THAT, don't stay there at the window, ESPECIALLY when there's people behind you, you ignorant twit.

[Bright_Star]

Tipping IS optional. IF you have to rely on the generosity of the public to make a living then you're in the wrong line of work. I ALWAYS tip when i eat out BUT NOT because I have to but because I WANT TO.
Places that automatically add a tip to one's bill aren't doing anyone any favors. So IF you have exceptional service then by all means you should give a generous tip BUT if the service is lousy then don't expect one red cent.
& IF you don't get a tip are you supposed to act all whiny cause you didn't get one? Too bad. Life happens-DEAL WITH IT & move on.
Most people I know try to leave a tip when they can but for those that don't then all I can say is this...Cest La Vie.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

If you are going to order the store and blow $30, GET YOUR LAZY ASS INSIDE. It takes a while to make and pack big orders and it slows down the flow of the line.

I freaking hate when people do this.

When I visit McDonalds, it often seems people with large orders like that will be left to wait at the window for fucking eternity while their order is being prepared. But let me order my usual Chicken McNuggets value meal (plus a regular hamburger if I feel like it) and I get pulled off to the side.

We would be fine with replacing/remaking your order IF you hadn't eaten half of it already, you cheap prick. Return your food in tact or slightly dissected and we'll be more likely to believe you and let you off the hook.

"Mister, if you don't shut up I'm going to kick 100% of your ass!"

Heh heh, that came to mind when I read that. It also used to be my sig. I might bring it back sometime.

[chops]

I'm not a mod, but I know that tipping arguments tend to end like so...

[Broomjockey]

I'm not a mod, but I know that tipping arguments tend to end like so...

Quite right and good show, and here's the friendly mod reminder to keep it civil.

However <modhat off>

You were working in a fast-food resturant, and you expected tips? Are we on the same page? McDonalds/Wendys/Burger King-style resturants? Something's a bit off about that to me.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I think the OP specifically mentioned sit-down restaurants when discussing tipping.

[Broomjockey]

And yet the OP says "we" for that point, but constantly talks about working fast food, hence my asking for clarification. If this is from a seperate job, fine, but I'd still like the OP to clear it up for my own mind.

[blas]

I can't stand when I'm at, say, McDonalds, and the person in front of me has to pull ahead and wait, and they don't pull away enough so I get stuck trying to go around them. I have probably been guilty of tick ticking their clocks away just trying to get away from the minivan in front of me.

My apologies. All I wanted was a meal for one, and I got there at a bad time, when mom and her soccer team all had to go to drive thru.

[PepperElf]

Tipping IS optional. IF you have to rely on the generosity of the public to make a living then you're in the wrong line of work. I ALWAYS tip when i eat out BUT NOT because I have to but because I WANT TO.
Places that automatically add a tip to one's bill aren't doing anyone any favors. So IF you have exceptional service then by all means you should give a generous tip BUT if the service is lousy then don't expect one red cent.
& IF you don't get a tip are you supposed to act all whiny cause you didn't get one? Too bad. Life happens-DEAL WITH IT & move on.
Most people I know try to leave a tip when they can but for those that don't then all I can say is this...Cest La Vie.

Had a guy once take me on a first date... it wasn't even an expensive meal, but ...yeah no tip. It kinda struck me as cheap.

Current bf tips about the same way i do... we follow the local custom. In a Japanese place we don't tip (cos that's how they do it here), but if we're at a Gaigin restraunt we do 15%+ depending on service.

(Gaigin being the Japanese phrase for "foreigners")

[Becks]

After you get your food, GET THE FUCK OUT!! We have a timer tied to a pressure sensor that ticks until your car leaves. If our times are shit, we have to listen to some soulless corporate zombie bitch about being too slow. If you want to double check the order, fine, but park your ass out of the way.

Uh...no. If I'm going to check my order, I'm going to do it at the window.

Why? The reason why I'm in the drive-thru in the first place is because the lobby is closed for the night.

And while I understand that employees are only human, I think it's their job, not mine, to make sure an order is 100% correct in the first place.

[Stormraven]

I have to agree - I check my food in the drive-through. At least a quick scan. I do pull ahead if there's someone behind me, but if not, I'll stay long enough to be sure that the food at least looks like what I ordered.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Uh...no. If I'm going to check my order, I'm going to do it at the window.

Why? The reason why I'm in the drive-thru in the first place is because the lobby is closed for the night.

And while I understand that employees are only human, I think it's their job, not mine, to make sure an order is 100% correct in the first place.

Which makes the timer mind-blowingly stupid. Kind of like those scanning goals some stores have for their cashiers.

There's no good reason to be hustling customers out the door or out of the drive-thru like that. But I understand why it happens--corporate wants to squeeze more transactions into the business day.

[penguingeekgod]

Quite right and good show, and here's the friendly mod reminder to keep it civil.

However <modhat off>

You were working in a fast-food resturant, and you expected tips? Are we on the same page? McDonalds/Wendys/Burger King-style resturants? Something's a bit off about that to me.

I stated at a sit down restaurant in the post.

And yet the OP says "we" for that point, but constantly talks about working fast food, hence my asking for clarification. If this is from a seperate job, fine, but I'd still like the OP to clear it up for my own mind.

I say "We" because I've been there, done that at some point.