The New job...

[Horsetuna]

well, It seems to be going okay. The people are great, really friendly and I really like the job, even if I'm not used to sititng down all day.

Thing is, I'm worried I'm not learning fast enough. The other day in cash out, ALL the numbers added up, yet I still somehow missed a large cash payment and a few minor things which were kind of serious.

My boss doesnt help I should admit... "Why didn't you do this?" "Its because you're not paying attention!" "This isn't that hard!" and treating me somewhat like a child (LITERALLY she tells me what I say just before I was going to say it anyways withotu being prompted, and if I hesitate even the slightest amount she goes ahead and says it for me, then goes into a 20 minute (or at least, it feels like it ) Explanation of why we say it AGAIN, even though I already know. ). She has had me near tears a few times.

I dont know what's wrong with me... I /am/ trying my best, and working to get everything right... half the time I forget things becuase I get flustered at her, but I'm terrified of saying anything because well... I can get let go without any warning and I really dont want to lose this job. I need this job desperately.

I'm trying to figure out WHY I'm having so many problems if its 'not that hard'. But I really want to cry sometimes because of her.

I did cash out again last night, I spent all night laying in bed praying to god that I didnt make any more mistakes. the other girls reassure me that everyone made mistakes like that when they started.

[TryNotToBeThatOne]

1) It's called a learning curve for a reason. No one gets it perfect off the bat.
2) Accuracy is more important than speed. With accuracy & practice comes speed.

I don't know if it would work with your sup (& from your description I doubt it, but I'm an incurable optimist so I'll suggest it anyway) but ask her if it's okay if you work a little slower 'because I want to be certain that I'm completely accurate. I'm sure that as I get more practice, I'll be faster.' Good luck.

[Horsetuna]

Well apparently I messed up on Cash again last night. She asked if I had looked through it a seconcd time. I /had/ but I still put a few things in the wrong place. Her comments:

"THese are silly mistakes! You dont understand cash out!"

Me: "Yes I do!"

"Obviously you dont, otherwise you woudln't be making these mistakes."

I nearly lost it right then.

I dont want to leave this job. I /need/ it. Nobody else pays enough to live on. The job is EASY, I can do it once3 I get the hang of it. But being treated like a moron or a six year old is insulting and stressing me out. I'm terrified of telling anyone in case they decide I 'cant handle the job' and let me go. But they may just let me go anyways. It would be my luck. I can NEVEr keep a job that actually pays enough to live on no matter how hard I try.

She wont let me do cash out anymore unless she sits with me and goes over it with me (She makes it sound like its inconveniencing her AND its punishment for me)..... but she doenst have TIME to. Cash out piles up all day, and I have to close it all up before I go.

If I dont say things IMMEDIATELY she overrides me and then 'looks' at me, you know... I usually pause for A) breath and B) to let people actually READ the information on the sheet before they sign it (or after) so that I dont distract them.\

I dont know what to do. I need this job. I like the job, but she's driving me to tears. If I lose another job I may just kill myself cause I'm sick and tired of jobhunting ALL THE TIME and having NOTHING to eat but potatoes and kraft dinner. I just can't take it much longer.

I really am trying, Honestly. I'm doing EVERYTHING she says, but sometimes when I do that, it turns out I'm wrong anyways. thnen I hear a 10 minute lecture that makes me feel stupid and explains thigns that has NOTHING to dow ith actually doing the job.

I UNDERSTAND THE DAMN CASHOUT K! JUST CAUSE I MESS UP DOESNT MEAN I"M A MORON.

[Seshat]

There's something wrong in the dynamic between you and this woman - that's obvious. You can't count on her to change, so you're going to have to change your behaviour around her.

It's not going to be easy, but you're going to have to pick something to try, swallow your fear, and try it.

One option is TryNotToBeThatOne's suggestion of 'let me go slower than you'd like for now, while I develop accuracy, and I'll get faster'.

When you're talking to her, try to relax your shoulders, straighten your back, and look her right in the eyes, with a confident expression. Relax your throat and chin, pitch your voice slightly lower than normal. These are all non-verbal cues that you're a competent and confident person.

Consider whether you want to find out the politics of the situation - I can't give much advice about that, but that may give you a reason why she's acting how she is.

You might want to think about how you best learn, and ask her to work with you and with your learning style. Maybe you need to take notes, maybe you need to tape her telling you how to do things, maybe you need to have her demonstrate it for you twice, maybe you need to do it yourself with the potential for assistance three times. I've known people with all those learning styles - if they get what they need, they're fine. If not, they're struggling.

You might want to think about what single thing she does that upsets you most, and that makes it hard for you to do what you need to. Ask her to stop it, and figure out what makes her feel good that you can do to 'reward' her when she behaves. Even just a 'thank you'. If you choose this technique, you're training her like training a dog - reward her when she's good, discourage her when she's not. Once the worst behaviour is stopped, you can pick the next worst and train her out of that.

Or you might just decide to be exquisitely adult around her. Think about a person you admire, and emulate them. Don't let her treat you like a baby - when she does, just give her a withering look, or a mild comment, or - whatever your role model would do.

[Horsetuna]

Well, It seems I messed up again on yesterdays' cash, but it was fixable... Thing is, since I'd already been stressed out all day I quite nearly lost it... startd to get watery eyed. I think she knew though, cause even though I still got lectured she tried to reasure me and stuff afterwards...

I managed to fix it though, more or less. I faxed the wrong copy of the thing TWICE though to Head Office while trying to fix it though cause I was so flustered, and finally the night girl finished the DAYS cashout for me (and she even went through EVERYTHING I did sheet by shet to make sure I have it right).

So hopefully she'll ease off when she realizes I'm easily stressed, even If I shouldnt be.

Heh. My role model would have a snappy comeback and then summon a dragon to eat her.... then take her job.

[Seshat]

Heh. My role model would have a snappy comeback and then summon a dragon to eat her.... then take her job.

Maybe you need a more realistic role model.

Look around you, find someone who gets stressed but handles it well. Use that person for a role model. Role models don't have to be anyone famous: I modelled a lot of my social interaction on my grandmother.

[wagegoth]

When she says things about you not understanding how to do the cash out, just respond calmly, and, as Seshat said, keep your voice calm and level, look her in the eye. Tell her plainly, and honestly, "I'm new and a bit nervous about this job. I really like working here and I want to do well. If you could please let me have a bit more time to work this through on my own, I'll have it done correctly. I do better if I don't have someone watching over my shoulder. And I will ask you if I have any questions, as I don't want to make any mistakes." Something like that. Put it in your own words.

When you're done, before faxing it in, go to her and ask her if she would like to review it before you fax it in. Leave it up to her. But make sure it's perfect before you do. Get it right two or three days in a row, and I'm sure she'll back off and let you do your job.

[Chanlin]

Being the cynic and pessimistic type that I am I would ask if ALL of the mistakes that are supposedly being made are your mistakes.

I have been in situations working with restaurants on a computer job where the accountant blamed our computers for being wrong when an employee was actually stealing from them.

But in any case I echo the advice given here. Your boss reminds me of the helicopter parental unit thread. It seems you have a helicopter boss. I had one that was like that once and I resolved it with a simple phrase:

"Look, i don't mean this to sound rude or insubordinate anyway, I realize you are trying to make sure I do this right, but I'm nervous enough as it is without you standing over my shoulder making sure I do this right, I also realize its important that it be done right, and far be it from me to tell you how to do things, but if it s THAT important that it be done right you could always assign someone who knows what they are doing to help me through it and show me the ropes."

I dreaded saying that and was afraid I'd be fired for it but the boss kinda sputtered and did end up assigning a more experience employee to show me what to do. A few days later boss apologized and said they liked that I had a no nonsense attitude.

In any case, best of luck to you and remember to take things slow, take deep breaths and don't let it get you stressed out so much.

[Horsetuna]

Well, apparenlty I got the wrong amounts in the deposit envelopes the other night. but it was caught, and one of the other girls (the night girl who helped me try to fix everything) did defend me by reminding my boss that Iw as incredibly upset and flustered.

I hope to god I didnt mess up on yesterdays. The other girl double checked everything. I've never been so paranoid in my life.

I hate these 'three month probation they can let you go for no reason' times. I understand the need for it but its just so stressfull.

[Broomjockey]

I hate these 'three month probation they can let you go for no reason' times. I understand the need for it but its just so stressfull.

If they can let you go for no reason, then there's nothing you can do either way. The only thing you can control is your own behaviour. But you're not. You're letting it control you.

[wagegoth]

The only thing you can control is your own behaviour. But you're not. You're letting it control you.

True. Deep breaths. Unfocus. Refocus. You are you. You're letting the supervisor make you into someone else you don't want to be. Stop! Breathe. Unfocus. Refocus. You are you.

[Horsetuna]

If they can let you go for no reason, then there's nothing you can do either way. The only thing you can control is your own behaviour. But you're not. You're letting it control you.

Tell me about it. I've been working on controlling my emotions for years. Bad discipline as a child I think is partially to blame.

i think I could use anger management myself personally. The other part of my problem is I fret, and worry. I replay various bad scenarios over and over in my mind and basically work myself up into a panick... you dont really HAVE to yell at me if you're my boss... if you say you want to talk to me, I can usually punish myself via emotional self-abuse. :P

[Ree]

You could try staying with a job for longer than 6 months, or at the very least, find a job not related to customer service and cash handling, and then you wouldn't have to continually play this 3 month probation game, on edge all the time as to whether you will make it.

Seriously, and I truly don't mean to criticize, but how many different jobs have you had in the past 2 years? How many 3 month probations have you had to endure?
It seems to me that you live your life in a pattern, and a lot of the stress you are dealing with is of your own creation.

It's as if the grass always looks greener, employment-wise, yet once you cross that field, you realize it really isn't much different than the field you just came from.

You need to work this out with a qualified professional or this destructive cycle will continue, and you will never be free from the panic and depression and anxiety.

[Der Cute]

Horse, I can relate.

I have been diagnosed with Gen Anxiety Disorder...and Depression. Yayy!!! Those buggers are interesting.

GAD is where I fuss over stuff that's out of my control/jurisdiction/reach/ability and can lay awake at night thinking "omg I did a b c am I supposed to do d e f? where am I screwing it up..eeeee"

I'm not diagnosing you. I'm explaining what I have and why I have behaviors like yours.

What I do to combat this is:
learn how to see WHEN the fuss-cyclone is starting up.
make a deal with myself to only kick myself once per screwup.
Do an SFTB (situation feeling thought behavior) write out


I made a deal with myself years ago to only kick myself ONE TIME if I screw up and am reprimanded. Not the lay in bed omg I suck I suck I suck oh shit what if what if...
Face the fact: I did X when I was supposed to do Y. I made a mistake. I will now make a step in my head to look for Y. *mental spank* . Done. No more.

If I catch myself laying in bed thinking I have to do XYZADGB at work tomorrow, and man, how am I gonna get that done, oh boy I have to help Joeshmoe too, geez that's gonna be interesting. I hope I can order this that those so I can get my shit done......
See how thats a big run -on never ending? ^^ I catch myself laying down, thinking about work and say OOH. I'm In BED. Work does not equal Bed. Bed equals peace and sleep. Mm. Think happy thoughts.....mmmsleeeeeeep.

SFTB:
paper, pencil & kleenex.
Situation:
I got yelled at today by boss.

Feelings:
scared sad anger unhappy disappointed anxious mad unhappy

Thoughts:
omg omg omg i'm pissed at her she should stop yelling
omg omg omg i'm pissed at myself what the fuck am i doing thats so bad
i suck at this oh boy should I be a zoo poop scooper or what

Behavior:
Ok. Look at thoughts. Weird, irrational. I see that I am kicking self a lot.
I am going to sniffle a bit and going to ask the boss later to sit down and see if we can go over the rusty spots I feel I'm having.


See what I did?

Do that. A lot. You'll start to iron out your thinking process.

But remember: this also needs professional help. Go get some, call your city's helpline. You deserve it.

Cutenoob

[Ree]

But remember: this also needs professional help. Go get some, call your city's helpline. You deserve it.

As usual, Cutenoob, you have offered some excellent advice and have given your perspective, having dealt with many of the same mental health issues.

Just to help you out, Horsetuna, and refresh your memory about all the services available in your area, here are the links I posted in a previous thread where you you were having issues with your job at that time, and anxiety was threatening to cause many more problems for you.
http://www.cmha.calgary.ab.ca/programs/default.aspx
http://www.cmha.calgary.ab.ca/gethel...resources.aspx

This link was provided by upsidedown_orchid http://www.distresscentre.com/

I believe buglady was also very helpful in that thread, offering any advice she could by PM, as Cutenoob did at that time as well.

You've got a boatload of support from the people on this board, as usual. Take the advice that's being offered so that you can maintain this job and not end up with another blip on your resume because you have let the negativity overpower you and defeat you.