What's your work spiel?

[Lace Neil Singer]

What do you have to say to customers when you greet them at the till/answer the phone/see them in the store? Well, mine at the supermarket is "Hi, would you like some help packing?" which I'm sure I say in my sleep now. -.- At the garden centre, just a simple "Hi!" was good enough; at the pizza place I had the ridiculous situation of having to say, "Hi, welcome to *pizza place*. My name is Lace, what would you like to order?" Of course, some idiots thought they were being oh so clever and original by saying, "Heh heh, pizza of course or else I'd ring the Chinese!" Yeah... never heard that one before.

[gunsage]

Mine's nothing too terribly awful...

"X Company Level 3, this is Sage speaking."

That's about it. Now, if I remember my tier 2 experience, we not only had to say "Thank you for calling CRAPPY COMPANY DSL technical support, this is Sage, how can I help you today," we also had to apologize for the problem, make sure to use Mr./Ms. Lastname at least 3 times, thank them for calling, wish them a good day...I can't even remember all of it, but it was all designed around being "customer friendly" when we all knew our job was really about getting off the call as quickly as possible.

[The Gatekeeper]

Mine is pretty bad:

"Thank you for calling *plumbing company*. Gatekeeper speaking. How can I make you smile?"

*cringe*

I can't wait to get off the phones.

[simplyanother]

There is a car dealership I have to call sometimes.

The phone is answered "Hi, It's a Beautiful Day Blah blah Ford, Blah Speaking..."

We are supposed to say "Thank you for calling our store name, this is "simply" speaking, how may I direct your call"...

I usually say "Ourlocation Ourstore name, how can I help you?", on the phone.

Both get the same damned response.

At the registers we're supposed to say, I think :
"And did you find everything alright today?". Or something equally contrived.

I don't know if there is an official register script. Who the hell knows. I usually ask "Is this all one transaction?" After I've...you know...said "Hi....blah blah?"

[Arcade Man D]

Ours is....

"Thank you for calling <Store Name>, <Mall Name>, this is <My Name> speaking, how may I help you?"


Granted, we never really get called about anything actually relating to our jobs here. It's always "Do you have Wiis?".

[Trayol]

Here's mine

Drive-thru: Welcome to <Dairy Store>. How may I help you today?

Front register: Hello, would you like to try a sample of [enter item]? What else would you like today?

Phone: Thank you for calling [Dairy Store] in {Town}. We close at 10pm (or 11 in summer) how may I help you this evening?

[PepperElf]

mine's not so bad... when i answer the internal-line phone i just state the office i'm in and my name. for the external-line phone i use the company name and the office, but don't say my own name.

only problem i really ever have... well obviously i hate it when the psychoboss wants to call for something stupid, but it also sucks when one of the guys suddenly acts like he's reached a phonesex line. (yes my voice is sexy, get over it). for the latter, i hang up. (for the former i just wish i could!)

[CaroPhoenix]

Granted, we never really get called about anything actually relating to our jobs here. It's always "Do you have Wiis?".

At the gaming store, we all say a variation of: "Thank you for calling <our town> Gaming Store, this is <our name here>, how may I help you?"

And least ArcadeMan, you get the grammatically correct, "Wiis", we always get "Do you have Wii?" to which we all want to reply "I had some earlier this morning but then I went to the bathroom."

When we have someone enter the store, we just "hello", but C always says "I bid thee Good Morning!" (Or something similar).

I usually just wave when someone enters (I have a squeaky mouse-like voice )

When someone comes up to the register, we ask, if they've found every okies, is there something else they need, are they in our computer system (we have a loyalty point system so if you're in the computer, you get loyalty points). Then we wish them good day/evening/weekend.

[Antisocial_Worker]

Of the jobs I've held, the bookstore spiel was by far the worst.

"Thank you for calling (three-syllable bookstore name) in the (two word name) Mall, where you can save up to (however much) on (current besteller) with your (customer loyalty) Card. This is hauntedheadnc speaking, how can I help you?"

I really don't see the point in having employees answer the phone with a spiel long enough to give the person on the other end time to nod off.

[Bandit]

It depends

If I don't recognize the Caller Id, it's "Good Morning/Afternoon/Night - Bitter Phone Guy <me> Speaking"

Some, however, who I knew could take a joke, might get "Hungarian Embassy. How may I mis-direct your call?" or "Satan's Slave Pit. Lucifer Speaking!".

Usually the latter would result in about 2 minutes of laughs and giggles on the end of the line.

B

[Rine]

Let's see.

Phone: Thank you for calling Store of Blahblah Mall. My name is Rine. How may I help you?

At the register:

1. How are you? Did you find everything all right?
2. May I put this on your stupidblahstore card?
3. Do you have a stupidblahstore card?
4a. (if no to 3) Would you like to apply for stupidblahstore card? I could save you blah amount of money?
4b. (if yes to 3) If you use your stupidblahstore card today you could save blah amount of money.
4c. (if yes to 3 and no to 4b) Do you have are stupidblahMastercard? I could save you 15 dollars if you are approved for it!

Sigh.

[Becks]

Technically it's supposed to be "Good morning/afternoon/evening, {store} {dept.} (your name here) speaking, how may I help you?"

In truth, more often than not, it's "{Dept.}" with maybe a "How may I help you?" thrown in. Unless you're the oldest guy in the room. Then it's just "Yeah?"

I try to avoid answering the phone.

[crazylegs]

You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence.......

[bars.of.a.rhyme]

The bookstore isn't so bad (except at Christmas, when we had four or five upsells that we had to ask about during each transaction), but at Hollywood Video they changed every couple of months and they were as long as...I don't know, something really long.

"Thanks for calling Hollywood Video in [city], where you can rent, buy, and now trade in your movies and games, this is bars.of.a.rhyme, how can I help you?"

"Thank you for calling Hollywood Video in [city], home of the movie value pass, this is bars.of.a.rhyme, how can I help you?"

"Thanks for calling Hollywood Video in [city], sucking out souls one shift at a time, this is bars.of.a.rhyme, how can I be indifferent to you today?"

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

The only people at my store who have a spiel they have to go through every time when they answer the phone is the service desk people, who take all the incoming calls.

I believe their is "Thank you for calling your Scrotum of Wisconsin Irv's Bargain Hovel, Insert Clerk's Name here, how can I help you?"

At the holidays it changes to "Happy Holidays from Irv's Bargain Hovel," with everything else staying the same.

When I pick up calls transferred to me I just say "Name of department, I.P. Freleigh speaking, how can I help you?"