What's the funniest thing that happened on the clock?

[Blade_Raver]

Some funny moments while on the clock...

When I worked at KFC ('97).. a fellow cook who liked to cause trouble with other co-workers thought it would be funny to snap a towel at me.. I grabbed 2 towels.. soaked them in water and pummeled him with them until he was in a fetal position and was crying.

When I worked at Builder's Square ('97).. I had a co-worker try to page me over the PA to the women's bathroom. (I'm male.)
Also the guy in paint flatulated noisily in front of a bunch of customers.

When I worked at CompUSA ('98-00), I had a co-worker bet me $5 that I couldn't fling a mousepad from one corner of the store to the opposite corner of the store and hit the Apple Computers sign hanging overhead (about 20-30 feet distance) .. I launched it, the sign fell off and smacked the retail manager in the head, and I was $5 richer. Manager never caught me. Said retail manager didn't like me anyways. He got fired for doing/selling illicit drugs on the clock a few years later.

When I worked at GFI Digital ('00-'01) I was working on a Fiery Print server.. and accidentally flipped the ribbon cable that connected the LCD panel on the box to an interface card.. Turned the machine on.. MAGIC SMOKE! Oh, forgot to mention.. this was at a customer site. Of course, I drove from customer's site (downtown) to HQ (20-30 miles away) and replaced it.

When I worked at Convergys Hazelwood ('01-'02), I witnessed a co-worker break out a nerf gun and shoot a widely disliked service level manager in the head with one of those sticky darts.. and made him crap his pants.

Ever since then, work's been pretty boring.. I rely on this site for funny stuff.

[HavingAWonderfulTime]

So, one of my coworkers is diabetic, and was injecting himself with insulin. The following conversation insues:

Me: How often do you do that?
CW: Um, about twice a day.
Me: That looks like it'd goof up your arm, do you have to change injection sites?
CW: Yeah, usually on my arm.
Me: Do you take it in the ass?
(at this point, CW2 falls over laughing)
CW: Not that often.
Me: I see. Do you prefer it in the ass?
CW sees CW2 laughing, realizes what he said, leaves in a huff.

[Primer]

I witnessed a co-worker break out a nerf gun and shoot a widely disliked service level manager in the head with one of those sticky darts.. and made him crap his pants.

thank goodness I wasn't eating or drinking anything!

[Titchyboy]

Just before the xmas shut down our other crew filled the clean water hand washer in our van with blue ink so we ended up with blue hands for a few days so we got our revenge by tieing a 20ft tow rope round everything in the front of their cab.It went around handles, the wheel, gear stick, around and under seats. it ended up looking like a room from the crystal nmaze. Took em about an hour to get it all sorted before they went home

[DesignFox]

Ok I got one.
A little backstory...My bossman owns three stores. The store I used to work in was the main store, so all complaints from other stores, came through ours.

One day, my store gets a call from one of the other stores. My co-worker J is complaining to my manager E that for some reason the computers are down. E deadpan tells him that if would stop loading gay porn onto the machines, they might work properly. J it turns out, had the phone on speaker...and customers in the store...

Even better? So, we page the bossman in his office to tell him this, and his response was, "Tell J that if he'd stop looking at those gay porn sites, the computers might work properly!"

[junebug87]

I'm a telemarketer, and there's a bunch of us in the room when we're calling. This girl that sits next to me talks a lot, and she was teasing me one day while she was dialing. It was funny, because she's apologizing, and she goes, "I'm sorry, junebug87, I do love you!" and as soon as she said "I love you" the customer answered the phone. My co worker hears, "I love you, too" in this deep voice. My co worker is mortified!! He was kidding of course, but it was just too funny!


Another time, I had brought my mace to work with me because I was walking home. This guy noticed it, and asked to see it because he's never seen mace before. I give it to him, and he says he wants to spray it, so I tell him to go outside. 2 minutes later, he comes back in tearing up, face is all red. He told us later that he wanted to smell it (!) so he sprayed it like he was spraying body spray...you know, in the air, and then walk into it. Well, he didn't know that if you smell mace, it'll sting. haha. It was great. I've stopped bringing mace to work.

[fireheart]

I remembered one.
My relief (now current) manager was going through the store for a shop. He then stops at the service desk to chat with my (now former) manager. Turns out that he'd just moved out of home (this I already knew) and had an empty basket. So my (now former) manager goes to him "I wanna see some carrots, onions, etc. in that basket." Me, the sup and a few other people were giggling at that point because the now-former manager is only about 2 years older than him!

EDIT: I now tease the liquor guy over this. He just moved outta home.

[Kitten in the box]

When I worked in Perfect Insupac (the place where we use to make packaging for Sony, Toshiba etc. they use to use our products to put their electronic equipment in. foam packaging in other words.) Anyhoo this girl I use to work with fell asleep in a huge cardboard box we use to therow our scrap foam on lunch hour. Well a bunch of us got together and shook the hell out of the box. This is how it went down.

G: group of us together
SG: Sleeping Girl

G: hey look she fell asleep (actually I said that to my group and we all got together) Look in the box

*we go over to the box and look in. Behold she is asleep.

G: Rhfotyhfheuitykghyayayayayayayay! *all of us shaking box and pounding on it

SG: YAAAAAHHHH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEEEEEEYYAAAAA!

Yeah we scared the crap out of her being as she was asleep. She was thrashing around like crazy and finally sat up right.

we were all dirty bastards that day according to her.