Phone Messages

[repsac]

I was bored today, monkeying around with some of the phones I had from MJ12, and happened across one of my answering machines. At one time, I had three of these things. Not sure why, but it was as though they kept breeding on me. Whatever the case, I kept them around on the premise perhaps that should the first fail, the second would get the call,and should it fail, the third would pick up. Stupid thought, I know but hey everyone does something stupid.

While poking through these things, I remembered (vaguely) some of the stranger calls I got. Now, I don't have tapes of these, so they may read weird. I'm trying to remember my best here, and hope they are amusing. C, is the caller, M is me.


M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Uh...I was trying to get Majestic Pictures.
M: Yeah, same company, how can I help you?
C: What's playing for tonight?

M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Please hold for the next available operator.
M:


M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Is this Majestic pictures?
M: Yes. Same company. How can I help you?
C: Doyou make porn?
M: No. (Click)
10 min later:
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Hey, I was calling earlier about porn. I'm looking to get into the business. Do you need actors.
M: (blink) Uh, no. We don't film that.
C: Why not?
M: Good bye. (click) That number got written down from the Caller ID.


M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: (kids) Is your refrigerator running? (giggle giggle)
M: (looking at the CID) "Does your mother know you're calling?"
C: (hangs up)
I call back.
M: Hello, could I speak with Mister Johnson or his Wife?
C: This is so and so.
M: Yes, I just recieved a call from your house. Some young lad making prank calls. C: (seething) JUNIOR! Get your scrawny a$$ in here.
M: Thank you. (hangs up)

M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: I need information.
M: Ok, well if you tell me what you need, I might can help you.
C: I've got to fly to California next week, and wondered if I can book a flight through you?
M: Wrong number.

M: MJ Twelve...
C: Crap. Uh, wrong number.
M: AGAIN?!
C: yeah. Sorry. (This happened five times. I ended up giving him a number to the travel agency just so he'd leave me alone.

About a week after the "Porn" call, I got this one:

M: MJ Twelve, how can I help you?"
C: (Female voice) HI. I was wondering if you were hiring any actresses.
M: Well, it depends. We do for some work, but there's nothing in production rightnow.
C: Oh, well I really need a job.
M: Any experience?
C: No, but my boyfriend says I have a great body, so I'd do good in pictures.
M: (Suspicious) Okay. Any acting experience?
C: No, but I mean, how hard can it be?
M: You'd be suprised. Any experience before a camera at all?
C: No, but I am a stripper for XXX club. Does that help?
M Uh...
C: I can come down there and show you...
M: Uh....okay? (meekly)

Well, it turned out she was gorgeous, and ended up being great in front of the camera. NO, her test did NOT involve nudity. Ultimately, I found that this girl was trying to get out of the business, and used MJ as a spring board. She had some experience acting in school and local plays.

[Sir Spaniard the 12th]

M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Please hold for the next available operator.
M:

This p*sses me off so much. It happens to us at home quite often. If the phone rings, you'd expect someone to be on the other end, right? But no. It's an automatic message saying things like 'You have an important message' or 'the next available operator will be with you shortly'. Do they really expect people to wait when the business calls them?

[MadMike]

M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: (kids) Is your refrigerator running? (giggle giggle)
M: (looking at the CID) "Does your mother know you're calling?"
C: (hangs up)
I call back.
M: Hello, could I speak with Mister Johnson or his Wife?
C: This is so and so.
M: Yes, I just recieved a call from your house. Some young lad making prank calls. C: (seething) JUNIOR! Get your scrawny a$$ in here.
M: Thank you. (hangs up)

It amazes me that these kids have never heard of Caller ID. It's only been around for about the last decade and a half.

Not only that, that particular "joke" has been around as long as the telephone itself.

[Imogene]

It amazes me that these kids have never heard of Caller ID. It's only been around for about the last decade and a half.

Not only that, that particular "joke" has been around as long as the telephone itself.

Do you have Prince Albert in a Can?
*giggle, giggle, titter (I hardly know her.)*

[garth1]

It amazes me that these kids have never heard of Caller ID. It's only been around for about the last decade and a half.

Not only that, that particular "joke" has been around as long as the telephone itself.

I got this call at work one night, and I said that no, they were not running, that we caught them trying to escape, and we beat the crap out of them.