I was bored today, monkeying around with some of the phones I had from MJ12, and happened across one of my answering machines. At one time, I had three of these things. Not sure why, but it was as though they kept breeding on me. Whatever the case, I kept them around on the premise perhaps that should the first fail, the second would get the call,and should it fail, the third would pick up. Stupid thought, I know but hey everyone does something stupid.
While poking through these things, I remembered (vaguely) some of the stranger calls I got. Now, I don't have tapes of these, so they may read weird. I'm trying to remember my best here, and hope they are amusing. C, is the caller, M is me.
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Uh...I was trying to get Majestic Pictures.
M: Yeah, same company, how can I help you?
C: What's playing for tonight?
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Please hold for the next available operator.
M:
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Is this Majestic pictures?
M: Yes. Same company. How can I help you?
C: Doyou make porn?
M: No. (Click)
10 min later:
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Hey, I was calling earlier about porn. I'm looking to get into the business. Do you need actors.
M: (blink) Uh, no. We don't film that.
C: Why not?
M: Good bye. (click) That number got written down from the Caller ID.
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: (kids) Is your refrigerator running? (giggle giggle)
M: (looking at the CID) "Does your mother know you're calling?"
C: (hangs up)
I call back.
M: Hello, could I speak with Mister Johnson or his Wife?
C: This is so and so.
M: Yes, I just recieved a call from your house. Some young lad making prank calls. C: (seething) JUNIOR! Get your scrawny a$$ in here.
M: Thank you. (hangs up)
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: I need information.
M: Ok, well if you tell me what you need, I might can help you.
C: I've got to fly to California next week, and wondered if I can book a flight through you?
M: Wrong number.
M: MJ Twelve...
C: Crap. Uh, wrong number.
M: AGAIN?!
C: yeah. Sorry. (This happened five times. I ended up giving him a number to the travel agency just so he'd leave me alone.
About a week after the "Porn" call, I got this one:
M: MJ Twelve, how can I help you?"
C: (Female voice) HI. I was wondering if you were hiring any actresses.
M: Well, it depends. We do for some work, but there's nothing in production rightnow.
C: Oh, well I really need a job.
M: Any experience?
C: No, but my boyfriend says I have a great body, so I'd do good in pictures.
M: (Suspicious) Okay. Any acting experience?
C: No, but I mean, how hard can it be?
M: You'd be suprised. Any experience before a camera at all?
C: No, but I am a stripper for XXX club. Does that help?
M Uh...
C: I can come down there and show you...
M: Uh....okay? (meekly)
Well, it turned out she was gorgeous, and ended up being great in front of the camera. NO, her test did NOT involve nudity. Ultimately, I found that this girl was trying to get out of the business, and used MJ as a spring board. She had some experience acting in school and local plays.
While poking through these things, I remembered (vaguely) some of the stranger calls I got. Now, I don't have tapes of these, so they may read weird. I'm trying to remember my best here, and hope they are amusing. C, is the caller, M is me.
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Uh...I was trying to get Majestic Pictures.
M: Yeah, same company, how can I help you?
C: What's playing for tonight?
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Please hold for the next available operator.
M:
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Is this Majestic pictures?
M: Yes. Same company. How can I help you?
C: Doyou make porn?
M: No. (Click)
10 min later:
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: Hey, I was calling earlier about porn. I'm looking to get into the business. Do you need actors.
M: (blink) Uh, no. We don't film that.
C: Why not?
M: Good bye. (click) That number got written down from the Caller ID.
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: (kids) Is your refrigerator running? (giggle giggle)
M: (looking at the CID) "Does your mother know you're calling?"
C: (hangs up)
I call back.
M: Hello, could I speak with Mister Johnson or his Wife?
C: This is so and so.
M: Yes, I just recieved a call from your house. Some young lad making prank calls. C: (seething) JUNIOR! Get your scrawny a$$ in here.
M: Thank you. (hangs up)
M: MJ twelve, how can I help you?
C: I need information.
M: Ok, well if you tell me what you need, I might can help you.
C: I've got to fly to California next week, and wondered if I can book a flight through you?
M: Wrong number.
M: MJ Twelve...
C: Crap. Uh, wrong number.
M: AGAIN?!
C: yeah. Sorry. (This happened five times. I ended up giving him a number to the travel agency just so he'd leave me alone.
About a week after the "Porn" call, I got this one:
M: MJ Twelve, how can I help you?"
C: (Female voice) HI. I was wondering if you were hiring any actresses.
M: Well, it depends. We do for some work, but there's nothing in production rightnow.
C: Oh, well I really need a job.
M: Any experience?
C: No, but my boyfriend says I have a great body, so I'd do good in pictures.
M: (Suspicious) Okay. Any acting experience?
C: No, but I mean, how hard can it be?
M: You'd be suprised. Any experience before a camera at all?
C: No, but I am a stripper for XXX club. Does that help?
M Uh...
C: I can come down there and show you...
M: Uh....okay? (meekly)
Well, it turned out she was gorgeous, and ended up being great in front of the camera. NO, her test did NOT involve nudity. Ultimately, I found that this girl was trying to get out of the business, and used MJ as a spring board. She had some experience acting in school and local plays.
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