Dumb Phrases We Gotta Say to Customers!

[Mike Taylor]

I'd love to answer the phone like that.

"It's a wonderful day at Haus Der Numbnuts. I haven't killed anybody! Yet."

Take a laugh point, if you collect them.

[Taubin]

As much as this may seem helpful, and kind, and all that... The phrase I hate saying the most in my line of work is this: "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

Now, let me explain why... 99.9% of the time I ask that, and the user *does* have an issue (which is almost every time), I have to direct them back to the first level help desk to create a new case for them to send to us (2nd level). I am not supposed to create new cases for new issues on existing cases, and I can't work 2 issues on one case (rules). Drives me nuts, and it usually pisses off the customer, and they ask why I bothered to ask in the first place...

[powerboy]

We are not allowed to use Yes/No questions.

Seriously.

We can't say "Can I help you find anything?" because the customer could say "No." We have to say, "What can I help you find?", or "What is it that you're looking for?"

We're not customer service, we're sales. So any question that could shut down your pitch on the spot is verboten.

We are suppose to do that also. But when they mostly call up and wanting to know if we have boxes. I will post about that later, I promise

Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can i take your order?


Oh wait...

Oh My God, another All That fan.

[Ghel]

Not me, but a company I called: "How can I make your day better?"

I chuckled, knowing that she probably hated to have to say it and that what I was calling to complain about wasn't her fault. "You can make my day better by stopping sending me these faxes, since we no longer subscribe to your service."

[Kitten in the box]

How about this....this is what we are required to say to them;

1. Hi, thanks for calling so and so Kitty speaking how can I help you?
2. Have a good day Mr. so and so would you like help out with your groceries?
3. Let me show you where it is located.
4. Its buy one get one free would you like another one?
5. The promotion we are having for the month is********.

the list goes on and on. Also for the record I think its stupid to have to say a complete stranger's last name....a have a good day should be enough and whats strange is that a majority of our customers agree.

[lupo pazzesco]

Visiting my mom at work yesterday, I listened to their new phone spiel and nearly died laughing. Mom threw an empty cup at me for laughing, but she has to now say

"Thank you for calling our <Street name> <Store>, this is <name> what can I help you discover today?"

I was amuseded, and exceedingly thankful that at my store the phone greeting is so much simpler and to the point.

[Camry178]

A few years back corporate decided that we needed to be more "consultative" in the way we sold things. They came up with this stupid script. Half way through the script, once you "uncovered" the customer's needs corporate wanted you to say "LET'S GO SHOPPING!" in an excited tone.

I told everyone flat out that there was no way in hell that I was saying that. The regional managers tried to tell me that if I didn't they would write me up. I went into the office, got a blank form and told them "here you go, get to writing. I'd like to see you justify the write up to hr."