Announcement

**Giggle Goose** · 10-26-2006, 08:20 PM

:'(

I'm sorry about your day, officegirl!!!! I know it's no fun to know someone who has committed, or is thinking about, suicide. At least it's almost over, hang in there!!!

**CanadaGirl** · 10-26-2006, 11:10 PM

Vodka comes in pints? Oh... USA

Ours are in mL's

**Gypsy-Rose** · 10-26-2006, 11:20 PM

Quoth officegirl View Post

I just need to vent so here goes:

Today is NOT a good day. Not at all. I'm on the verge of a) pulling my hair out

, b)throwing some punches

or c) banging my head against my desk

until I pass out and get sent home (or to the hospital, that would work too). I have no idea what my problem is. I'm just really, really pissed. My boyfriend got his head bitten off this morning (for nothing the poor thing), everytime my boss says my name it gets harder for me not to strangle him and our S-L-O-W salesman (who I've posted about before) has been eating candy all day and only chooses to talk WHEN HIS MOUTH IS FULL!!! I cannot stand that! It's rude and disgusting. Or he'll ask me for a price of something... ok, stop being lazy, stop using being new as an excuse and find it yourself!!! I just want to be left alone. I want to curl up in bed, stuff my face into a pillow and scream until I can't scream anymore. I want to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and drink a whole pint of vodka. I just don't want to feel this pissed off anymore!!! I don't even know why I feel this way. Maybe it's an add-up of things. Today is my mom's birthday and I can't be there or even see her for it... I live too far away. This past weekend, some kid committed suicide by sitting on the train tracks until the train came and every time I drive over the train tracks, I feel sick... and it's brought up feelings and memories of when someone close to me committed suicide. I don't know why or how they did it and I will never have the answers and I can't deal with that.

Anyway, it's been a rotten day and I just want it to be over. I want it to be tomorrow

Officegirl,...

I use to tell a friend when he had days that were like this....Breathe, and in return, he'd tell me on my days,...remember,.."This too, shall pass."

We all have days that we ourselves do not understand why we act like we do. In your case though, it sounds as if the boys suicide brought back alot of memeories to you.

That on top of everything is making the day alot harder for you. I never had a friend commit suicide, though in truth, a few years back, my life got so bad, that I contemplated it. It is NOTHING to be proud of, and I am not proud of saying it. But I can tell you this, your friend, for whatever reason, and no matter the method, took it upon themselves to commit the act. In truth, alot of people look back and are left with wondering if they could have stopped them, if there were signs. Sometimes there might be, but overall, there isn't.

They didn't do it intentionally to hurt you or anyone else, they did this because they felt that this was the best course for them to take. Sadly, it is the friends and the family that are left behind with wounded hearts and wondering if there was something they could have done. They say things happen for a reason, and though we may not know or ever know what they may be, keep in your heart this fact...

Somewhere up there is that friend, and they are watching over you now. No matter that they are no longer physically here, they are in your heart. And because of that, they can not be any closer.

So curl up on that bed and scream in that pillow, drink all you want and cry as much as you want, and when you finally let the grief out, breathe Officegirl, and know that this day will pass, and tomorrow is another day that can be brighter.

And your not alone.

Gypsy

**officegirl** · 10-27-2006, 06:58 PM

Thank you for the encouraging words (and the laugh, canadagirl

) and I did make it through the day! And today, I feel SO much better. I was able to talk to a friend who also lost someone close to her and we shared our pain and leaned on each other. I didn't even have to scream or drink anything

! Gypsy, your post touched me and I'm glad to know that I am not alone. It's so easy to feel that way in this big world, isn't it? Although I know the pain and questions will never totally go away (it was my father, not a friend) I feel a huge relief in knowing I can talk to people about it... people who aren't going to feel uncomfortable when I try to talk about it or who are going to try to say what I want to hear- all I really need is to vent and a shoulder try cry on. So thanks again, gigglegoose, canadagirl and gypsy

**friendofjimmyk** · 10-29-2006, 02:57 PM

On days like that, my sponsor will often ask me what time of the month is it - boy it used to piss me off when she'd ask me that because - what? I can't be mad and it NOT be hormonal! Not that I am discounting your feelings at all - I feel for you. There are just some days where I wake up and I KNOW that something is not right in the universe!

My sponsor also tells me that at any point in my day, I can start over. I can go steal away a quiet moment, take a few deep breaths, make a mental gratitude list - you know, take a moment to think about all that is good in your life - and count to ten and then go back and carry out the rest of the day.

She always points out that there is something else going on, some deep underlying thing usually that is making me freak out about all the small things. So, I have to take a minute to think about what is REALLY my problem.

I understand where you are coming from. The statement "This too shall pass" works wonders when I am in that mood!

Announcement

The Worst Day

The Worst Day

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment