Yay, something else we won't sell

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

My company has decided to test out a delivery, assembly and set-up service for furniture and electronics items. As luck would have it, the swamp is one of the 12 test stores in the company.

You can choose to have your items delivered to your home, assembled at your home after you've already brought it home, or delivered and assembled. If you buy a flat-screen TV, you can have it mounted provided you buy the hardware needed. If you buy a TV stand or entertainment center, there's a special service for getting that assembled and placed in the ideal spot in your living room.

This might actually go over pretty good if it weren't so ridiculously expensive. Delivery is an extra $100 on top of your purchase. In-home assembly is $150. Delivery and assembly is $200. Good luck trying to sell that when other places in town provide those services for free (of course, these places compensate by pricing their merchandise higher, but good luck explaining this to people.).

I would imagine the bulk of sales on this are going to come from electronics. People will probably be more willing to have their TVs, game consoles, and home theater systems and the like installed and set up by a technician, than they will to have furniture delivered and assembled. I mean, if you're buying a barstool or a bookcase or a futon, are you really going to fork over an extra one to two hundred dollars just so you don't have to put it together using tools that are either included or you have at home?

And of course, corporate is already setting sales goals on this. They want us to sell 12 deliveries/installations this month. We just got the signing and special pull tags yesterday. This will just be another metric we fall short on, so corporate will nag us relentlessly and make us do unrealistic role plays and other shit to get our sales up.

The company doing the deliveries and installations is called Zip, if anybody's had any experience with them. They supposedly use local technicians. There's an 800-number you have to call to set up an appointment if you purchase an installation and/or delivery, and they promise a one-hour window either way of the time you set up. They also provide a warranty on their work.

Me, I'm just waiting for the next kahilker to ask me as I'm delivering their big, bulky item "Are ya going to come to my house and put it together for me? Hyok hyok hyok!", which I loathe because it's the carryout equivalent of "It didn't scan? It must be free! Hyok hyok hyok!"

I will then use that opportunity to try and sell the customer on the installation, and they'll get angry at me for not laughing at their clever joke and trying to sell them something. I know the people around here too well.

[Shalom]

Me, I'm just waiting for the next kahilker to ask me as I'm delivering their big, bulky item "Are ya going to come to my house and put it together for me? Hyok hyok hyok!", which I loathe <...> I will then use that opportunity to try and sell the customer on the installation, and they'll get angry at me for not laughing at their clever joke and trying to sell them something. I know the people around here too well.

I have to say, that sounds like fun. In fact, I wish I could see their faces when you tell them that, and there's not a damned thing they can complain about, because Corporate told you to sell this service. I do this myself sometimes: when someone comes out with a lame attempt at humor like that, I pretend to take them seriously. Other aspies get the joke; other people just get pissed off. I can just imagine it:

Them: "So, yuh gonna come and set dat up for me? huh huh huh"
You: "Sure thing, buddy. That'll be another $150. You wanna make an appointment?"
Them: ""

[casey13]

We randomly received similar cards to the ones you are describing. They just appeared in electronics one day. No one knew what they were or where they came from. No one knows if we're supposed to push them or not. They are insanely expensive, especially for the set up of a computer and network. I think just to set up two pcs and a router is 100 dollars. Setting up a new computer is 150. With data transfer, it's 199. Now, it's only 8 gbs of data transfer. Its a rip off.

We already offer free assembly of the products you buy in the store or from online so no sweat there. Delivery would be a nightmare.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Bumping this thread because, as of yesterday, the test stores had sold all of 15 installations and/or deliveries. Whoopie.

So, to sell more of these damn things, corporate leaned on Zip to lower their prices, and they did--by twenty bucks. Whoopie. Customers, please try not to trample as you stampede for the vouchers in the furniture department.

Also, I've been thinking, and I think there are some other things that make this an astronomically stupid idea. Such as:

• If the customer purchases installation or assembly, part of that service provided by the tech is removing and discarding all packaging. If something goes wrong with the item after it's been installed or assembled, guess what? The customer probably won't be able to return it. If the item is something electronic like a TV, I am almost certain it will not be returnable.
• If the tech doesn't show up when he/she says he/she will, the customer will probably complain to the store and ding the store on a customer service survey. They won't complain to Zip, even though they're the ones who hire and schedule the techs.
• If an item isn't marked for delivery, assembly or installation, and placed in a certain spot, the breathing meat that passes for help around the swamp might just take that item and carry it out for somebody else. Then it won't be in the store for the tech to pick up.
• If a customer returns something they had delivered, assembled or installed by Zip, we'll obviously have to refund their fees. And then that will show up as a hit on our conversion numbers.

[Sauletekis]

This sounds really foolish and poorly thought out. Don't get me wrong, there are a number of such service companies here in the UK that do the same thing, but for a much lower price (though the techs they send out are not delivering the product, too).

Sounds like corporate have identified an actual gap in the market, and are being really dumb when attempting to fill it.

[MaseMan]

It doesn't sound all that bad to me. At least you can offer the people something. I used to work for an electronics retailer that offered no installation whatsoever. And we sold fairly high end surround sound systems, including multi-room sound solutions, and flat screen TVs. Yeah, try convincing the average consumer to spend several thousand dollars on a new system and then do all the wiring themselves. Eventually they did contract out with an installer, but he ended up being a total flake who wouldn't return calls half the time. I was glad to leave soon after.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

It doesn't sound all that bad to me. At least you can offer the people something.

Trust me, it is. It is when the service prices itself right out of the market, sales predictably fall well short of the goal, and corporate starts nagging you because you'd have a few sales if you just "sold harder." Or something.

Remember,corporate wanted my store alone to sell 12 deliveries/assemblies/installations in the first month we offered the service. The entire company ended up selling 15 among the twelve test stores in two months. That should tell you something.

And then, in the weekly conference calls the store managers have with the district manager and various other corporate officials, the managers are getting grilled because they're not selling any services, and this is a "great solution" that isn't selling because the salespeople aren't talking it up as a solution enough. If the problem being solved is that the customer has too much money, then yeah, I guess this is a solution.

I've tried selling these services. Electronics has too. People see the prices and just laugh, or cut us off with a firm "No."

Also, corporate wants the cashiers to take a more active role in selling these services. So if you're buying furniture or a big electronics item, checkout will go something like this:

"Will this be on your Clearance Swamp Visa today? (If no, then "Would you like to sign up?)"
"Do you have the clearance swamp loyalty card? (If no, then "Would you like to sing up?)"
"We offer an extended protection plan on this item for $X, would you like to purchase that? It's extra peace of mind!"
"We offer delivery/assembly/installation and set-up on that for $X, would you be interested in that?"

Like this won't turn people away from us for good. Aren't the checkout lines long enough already?

But you are correct, there may be a hole in the market and this could be useful to people. But what should happen, IMO, is the prices for delivery and assembly and installation should be based on how big or bulky an item is, or how difficult setup and assembly will be, instead of one flat rate. And these services should go on sale every so often so they may be more attractive to people. And corporate ought to just stop freaking out about our sales numbers on them. But since all those things make sense, they can't be done.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Another thing I just thought of! Why can't I think of these things all at once?

We're also offering setup and installation on video game consoles. Most. Pointless. Service. EVAR.

Is it really so hard to match the colored plugs on the cables with the colored inputs on your TV? Is that really so hard? So hard you have to wait a few days or a week until the Zip guy shows up while your kids are whining "I wanna play Wii!"? If it is I'm not sure I want to go on living anymore.

Zip wants about $100 for this. Or something.

Go figure, the company can't afford to give us raises or personal time, but they can buy all the pretty backer paper for the gondolas and endstands they want, they can buy all these fancy new signing packages (which can't go in the signing units they gave us a few years back because the signs curl at the ends and corporate thinks that's unacceptable, so we had to cobble together something else for the signing), they can start opening new stores and remodeling other ones, and they can contract with these people for services nobody seems to need or want. We're getting bent over. Without lube.

[Zoom]

I've got some old TVs without the composite A/V connectors, just the old 300 Ohm antenna jack. Wonder if they actually know about the RF switchboxes and other old stuff? Maybe I can find a working vacuum tube TV that doesn't have anything, just an antenna sticking out the top.

...still not sure if that prank would be worth $100 though.

[mattm04]

A few years ago we renovated our TV room and day pay the 3rd party company that was contracted by the store. If it was a simple unbox a TV and put it on a stand we would not have but we were wall mounting it and the components were a fair distance away. It was about $110 but for the work required, including fishing wires for surround sound it was worth it.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Please alert the media

Sometime between 1:15 pm Monday and close Tuesday, we sold our first Zip delivery. It was for a complete dining set. I guess miracles really do happen.

Still, it took over three months for us to even get a nibble on Zip services. That isn't exactly what I'd call a rousing success.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I've got some old TVs without the composite A/V connectors, just the old 300 Ohm antenna jack. Wonder if they actually know about the RF switchboxes and other old stuff? Maybe I can find a working vacuum tube TV that doesn't have anything, just an antenna sticking out the top.

...still not sure if that prank would be worth $100 though.

That sounds like the back of our portable b/w television with the 5 inch screen. I had to screw on an RF adaptor so we could connect it to cable when we used it on the front porch several years ago.

Right now it stays in my brother's room so he's got something to listen to in the event of a power outage (it's AC/DC.)

'Course I don't know how he's going to get in the local channels since the digital converter box he has requires electricity to operate . . . but I'll worry about that when we do lose power. But I digress . ..

Getting back on track though . . .I'm not even going to ask just how hard it is to match the colors of the plugs to the holes. . .some people I'm not sure even know what colors are.

[Mr Hero]

Another thing I just thought of! Why can't I think of these things all at once?

We're also offering setup and installation on video game consoles. Most. Pointless. Service. EVAR.

Is it really so hard to match the colored plugs on the cables with the colored inputs on your TV? Is that really so hard? So hard you have to wait a few days or a week until the Zip guy shows up while your kids are whining "I wanna play Wii!"? If it is I'm not sure I want to go on living anymore.

Sounds like a great idea! Let me fork over $100 to have a tech set up my DS or PSP.

[Krivak]

Sometime between 1:15 pm Monday and close Tuesday, we sold our first Zip delivery. It was for a complete dining set. I guess miracles really do happen.

Still, it took over three months for us to even get a nibble on Zip services. That isn't exactly what I'd call a rousing success.

Well, i'm sure that its not Zips fault, for being so expensive, but YOUR fault cause you can't sell them. According to Corporate, that is.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Well fuck...

Our first Zip delivery turned out to be a cluster hump.

Zip delivered the dining table and chairs to the customer, who lives about half an hour away from the swamp.

One of the chairs turned out to be defective--damaged or scratched somehow--and the customer didn't want to return it to the store herself. After all, she paid big bucks for her items and for delivery.

Zip would not come out to her house, pick up the damaged chair, return it to the swamp, and bring her a new one. Their obligation was finished as far as they were concerned. So the store manager ended up having to take a new chair, deliver it to the customer's house in his personal vehicle, and get the defective chair and bring it back.

Just as I figured, if anything goes wrong with a Zip delivery or installation, it's going to fall on us to make things right. Not Zip. I don't care if we never sell another one of their services. I know I'm not going to push them.

Somebody please try to convince me that this is still a good idea. I'm waiting....