Fantasy closing announcements *one swear!*

[Spiffy McMoron]

Stand at the entrance in grey robes and a fake beard shouting, "You shall not pass!"

Or you could walk through the store telling people that "we don't have the droids you were looking for"

[FeazTheMovieJedi]

We are closed, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

[Lace Neil Singer]

As I mentioned in the other thread, the Skid Row song "Get The F*** Out!" would be perfect played as a closing announcement. Plus, I'd get to inflict my musical taste on others, which is always a bonus.

[Tria]

Or you could walk through the store telling people that "we don't have the droids you were looking for"

"None shall pass!" *Loves Monty Python*

[Sunsetsky]

Well...I work at walmart and we are open 24 hours. But...I do know the pain of closing time from other jobs.


"Attention all customers, the store will be closing in 30 seconds. Straglers will caught, hog tied, and thrown from the store. Afterwards, we will release the rapid dogs. Thank you and get out."

Or I would just play an incredibly annoying song over the PDA a few minutes before closing. With each passing minute...it would get louder...and louder. Or I could just sing over the PDA myself. I'm sure that will scare the customers off.

[stickycoins]

I'll just do what I always do: If somebody comes in at 9:58, I tell them I am locking them in and do it. Nobody else comes in. No matter how hard they pound on the door. I have had to force the door closed after letting someone out because somebody "just needs smokes/a blunt/beer". If I didn't do that I would be there all night. I have ridden past my store at 1am and there would be somebody trying the door even though the lights are off and the closed sign is up. Further proof of not reading signs. heehee, am I the first to use that?

[erik316wttn]

Attention customers:

The time is now 12 midnight and your local Wal-Mart is now CLOSED. Please gather your belongings and get the fuck out. You've had all day to shop and if you don't have what you need by now, tough crap. Our associates are going home. Good night.

[Comp_geek]

haha

the other night everyone in the store was gone, but these two people at our copy centre. One of them was cutting something and the other one was still ordering stuff EVEN THOUGH the announcement had been made and half our lights had already gone out.

so i go by the girls in copy centre as they're working and loudly say "I'm so happy we're CLOSED I can't wait to get home after CLOSE"

"Did you guys need any help with your CLOSING duties?"

I don't think the "customers" liked it but come on, it was 10 minutes after the store had closed on a Saturday, Gimme a break.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Or I would just play an incredibly annoying song over the PDA a few minutes before closing. With each passing minute...it would get louder...and louder. Or I could just sing over the PDA myself. I'm sure that will scare the customers off.

How about singing "I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves" until they either go mad, leave or both?

[DistantStar]

I work at a 24-hour Wal-Mart. I do sometimes have the fun of closing down the fitting room, though, so while I don't announce that the rooms are closing, I know about getting people to go the hell away because it's 11 PM and I wanna go home. We always, always, always get a small rush of people at about 10:50. WHY???

Imaginary annoucement: "Attention customers. The fitting room is closed. Why the hell are you shopping for clothes at this hour of the night for, anyway? You do realize that it's 11 at night? I can see making a beer run at this hour, but a jeans and T-shirt run? Go away and leave me alone. I'm going home."

[Sir Spaniard the 12th]

"Attention Customers: We close in 5 minutes. Our staff are ready to seek you out, and are armed with a can of gas, and a box of matches. That is all."

[Sunsetsky]

How about singing "I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves" until they either go mad, leave or both?

I was thinking that or "This is the song that never ends." After each repeat the song would get louder and even more annoying.

[Antisocial_Worker]

I would suggest playing the song Banana Phone, but it would likely cause a stampede for the exits.

Not that that would be a bad thing, but you'd have to make sure all the closing staff was capable of leaping up onto the counters.

[Becks]

Stand at the entrance in grey robes and a fake beard shouting, "You shall not pass!"

Well, there goes Rule #1 again. How times does it get violated before you get a speaking to?

Back on topic, another fantasy closing announcement would be, "We're closing/closed. If you like this place sooooooooooooooo much that you'd be here this late, we have the option of forcing you to work here. Please go to the customer service desk to get your uniform. Details will be worked out with human resources tomorrow. Of course, if you choose NOT to take advantage of this opportunity, please get out NOW and come back earlier in the day tomorrow."

[ArenaBoy]

"Attention arena patrons, the event is now over and we are trying to pick up the lot. If you do not vacate the lot in 5 minutes we will put the boot on any car and they will be for our own personal choosing which we get to keep. That is all."