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Workday Phrases of Lore and Legend

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  • "Do you turn forty this year?"
    "Last year, actually. It's just a number. I'm trying to get my waistline down to it and my IQ up to it."

    Rapscallion

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    • <L3 Tech in other building> you are always depressed anyway
      <Coworker> Really, though, do you want me to spiral?
      <Coworker> I'll probably take you and a number of people out with me... :P
      <L3> just go drink some more.. you will be ok
      <Me> don't depress him too much.
      <Me> I work in the same office as him.
      <L3> and?
      <Me> I don't need Marvin The Paranoid Android over there going over the cliff.
      Coworker: Distro of choice?
      Me: Gentoo.
      Coworker: Ahh. A Masochist. I thought so.

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      • Obviously the universe disagrees with you.
        "I am quite confident that I do exist."
        "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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        • CEO: It's about as secure as a condom with the end cut off!
          Coworker: Distro of choice?
          Me: Gentoo.
          Coworker: Ahh. A Masochist. I thought so.

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          • In an office being audited.

            Female Office worker: Auditor, still need to find Mr A and Mr B.
            Auditor: Okay, I'll look for them, I don't want to tie you up.
            office worker: That's okay, I like being tied up.

            Another male worker nearby blinks, suddenly turns bright red and bounces off the door frame while hurriedly leaving the room.

            Auditor:
            Office worker:
            Office worker: Don't worry about him, I do that all the time.

            From around the corner, male worker who had hurriedly left the room with a bright red face: She does.

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            • I've put $100 in the jar, now open your mouth!
              I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

              Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

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              • Do you want some crack?

                No sir, this is a petrol station - we don't offer a barter service.
                A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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                • "Hey, how come when T is yammering on about nothing you listen to him, but when I do it, you don't pay attention??"
                  "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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                  • "So you used a loaf of bread to get out of a fine?"
                    "F*ck the begrudgers" - Billy Connolly

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                    • "Never attritbute to malice what can be blamed on incompetence."

                      Rapscallion

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                      • "It's like two monkey f@cking a football!"
                        The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.

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                        • "He keeps his girlfriend at arm's length. Literally."

                          Rapscallion

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                          • "lets yank this thing"




                            "somebodys going to choke on it"
                            "they cant choke on it, if they cant get it in their mouth"

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                            • "That's a good song to kill yourself to."
                              "For the love of all that is holy and 4 things that aren’t but feel pretty good anyway" ~ Gravekeeper

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                              • With the right technique you can go on for hours...
                                A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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