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"Do you think he knows the button he just added is completely useless?"
"Yeah, it's probably there to stop the drag shift guys finding the internet connection and looking at porn."
"Psst! Wanna buy some slightly used Pokemon?"
"I almost got Brain Training but I realised it's completely useless to me. No brain to speak of."
Pizza Job
Owner's Son: Argh. See? It's overachievers like you that make underachievers like me look bad.
Current Job
Me: Look at this mess, AA. Now what idiot stocked the CD cases like this?
AA: Shh! He'll hear you!
Me: Huh? Oh, that idiot.
CW1: (to me) Hey, how's the gimp?
CW2: HawaiianShirts, with that cane, you seriously look like Yoda.
Me: Think so?
CW1: That's mean!
CW2: No, I really think he looks like Yoda! Like he's about to whip out a lightsaber and start flipping around and go all Jedi on anyone who gets in his way.
Me: Hmm... Clouded, the future is.
CW2: ... Dude!
I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
- Bill Watterson My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
- IPF
"Hey our female mannequin is naked!" "Well, she is wearing a necklace..."
"What's this cane doing here?" "Some guy left it here." "Well, he couldn't have gone far!"
"What would you do if I wasn't working here?"
"Be happy?"
"How's my cousin working out, think he'll do ok?"
"He doesn't act like you, that's a plus."
"I thought he was just dirty, but he's covered in blood too."
"Does it belong to him, or to one of the guests?"
"God I hope so."
"Hey, suicide guy came back and paid, and he's ok now."
"Uh...could you run me through that situation again? Why don't we start with 'suicide guy' and finish with 'what in the blue shit are you talking about?'"
"How do you do this job?"
"You'll find hotel work is a combination of service, backbone, grit, bitterness, utter hatred for humanity, and god-willing, eventual psychotic rage that leads you to vengeance at the end of the war, followed by a short, but alcohol-filled retirement until your liver gives out 3 weeks later."
"So...you have plans then?"
"Some."
"Ok, you all sound too much alike, from now on, you have callsigns. Squirrel, Bonzai, Spam Purse, Cheese Sandwich, and you...you are Cloaca."
"What's your name?"
"Dead Meat, what else?"
"I swear to god, if I don't see one good meteor tonight, I'm gonna cry."
"That's too bad. Hospitals aren't fun to fight through."
"What IS fun to fight through?"
"Gardens. Electronics shops. Antique stores, but only if they're classy."
Dell salesguy "So it has 3 firewire ports on the outside and one on the inside. I don't know why anyone would need firewire ports on the inside of the computer."
Me "Um... a hard drive?"
Dell salesguy "Oh, good point."
Me
SC: “Yeah, Bob’s Company. I'm Bob. It's my company.” - GK
SuperHotelWorker made my Avi!!
"He's on the phone."
"How can he be on the phone when you're on the phone?"
"You realise phone conversations have two ends, right?"
"Oh."
"Also there's this phone and the one he keeps in his pants. I mean, you know, mobile thingy. Is it one o'clock yet?"
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