How Not to Get Hired 101

[Parrothead]

She decided during the interview not to hire him. She's been giving him the run around.

[Gilhelmi]

I one time did not get a job at Walmart.

If your reference is from a hospital, make sure you give them Written Permission to tell people you worked there. The hospital was under the impression that HIPPA laws applied to employees working for them, as in they would neither confirm nor deny me working there.

I still can not figure that one out.

[Gilhelmi]

Don't place strips of duct tape along your lower arms, and when someone inquires about them, say that you enjoy the feeling of pulling them off while you... pleasure yourself.

(OK, this wasn't for a job, it was for conscription, and this dude was actively trying to avoid spending a year humping a machine gun through the frozen wastes of northern Sweden, but still...)

I laughed like a maniacal madman reading that. I like Corporal Klinger.

Back when DADT (don't ask, don't tell) was still in effect. I heard about one guy who tried to get out of a year long deployment by pretending to be gay. It took just over a year to "process" the paperwork so he was kicked out after they got back from deployment.

[drjonah]

Show up late for your interview and apologize because "Sorry I'm late. I got in a fight with baby daddy #2 because I hooked up with baby daddy #1 last night, BUT I LOVE HIM. And then baby daddy #1 yelled at me because I'm moving in with baby daddy #3 next week and we're gunna get married"

[eltf177]

Show up late for your interview and apologize because "Sorry I'm late. I got in a fight with baby daddy #2 because I hooked up with baby daddy #1 last night, BUT I LOVE HIM. And then baby daddy #1 yelled at me because I'm moving in with baby daddy #3 next week and we're gunna get married"

That must have been an interesting interview...

[taxguykarl]

Or a Jerry Springer episode

[Deserted]

From my training days...

Be a great applicant, pass the classroom training with flying colors, be a great driver with excellent customer service skills… then in the middle of your on-the-road training day, start berating your trainer's teaching style (which no other trainee ever said anything about).

Then, when said trainer tells you to return to the yard to discuss this with the trainer's supervisor, insist you don't want to go back.

Then, when said trainer makes you return to the yard, instead of speaking with the above-mentioned supervisor, leave.

Yep, my one and only self-disqualification. Dude, if I repeat something 3 times, it's not because I think you're stupid, it's because it's that important.
He probably tells his friends he was f*cked by the trainer.

[WishfulSpirit]

Unless I miss my guess, (which is a jaded and cynical one) things here went pretty much the way the "applicant" wanted them to go. I've seen WAY too many people who have to go through the motions of seeking a job but are apprehensive that they might actually GET one, so they do just about every inappropriate thing on the list. In this case the clothing, (Added bonus - don't have to go home and change into bar clothes after the sure-to-be-quick interview!) and the two tag-alongs are just insurance.

Methinks you're giving them WAY too much credit.

[Parrothead]

Yeah... So the guy I posted about a bit ago? He got hired.

He forgets to bring drinks on 90% of his runs, he doesn't do *anything* unless he is explicitly told to do it.

New store manager regrets hiring him.

[NecessaryCatharsis]

Interviewing time again, one of my favourite times of year

Failed candidate 1) Showed up 40 minutes early, gets out of his vehicle in time to see me and a co-worker both pull up, park and get out of trucks. Co-worker lights up a smoke, we start talking, candidate walks over introduces himself, asks if he's in the right place. Yes, we confirm, he asks who he is interviewing with, my co-worker says both of us, I check the time, 'Oh, it's only 20 after 12, we are just going to have a quick chat, if you want to go in and have a seat, we'll be ready in a couple minutes.' He stays put and immediately starts telling us both about his last job. My co-worker finishes smoke, and has to excuse himself to make a phone call. Candidate follows me inside, sits down, declares, 'we don't really need him for this' and starts telling me more about himself....too pushy, NEXT

F.C. 2) I got generally bad vibes off of, don't know why. When he left I asked co-worker who also interviewed what he though, he immediately pitched his resume in the garbage and said "Asshole doesn't recognize me, when I was 16 I worked at the car dealership and he used to bring his car in every two months and just scream at everyone who worked there until someone would agree to discount his work. He will never work here"...too asshole, NEXT

F.C. 3) Didn't have a great or horrible interview, he had no references so I asked him if we could follow up with some previous employment, he says no problems. All his former supervisors had the same thing to say about him - attitude like Chihuahua, smarts like the purse it rides in....can't find two people in your past to say nice things about you?, NEXT

F.C. 4) Not clear on resume, but lives in Missouri, has no paperwork to allow him to work in Canada. I explain where the job is and that it will be logistically impossible. He wonders about just hiring a room and going home on weekends. It's a 15 hour drive, and he's still not allowed to work in Canada...NEXT

So far we have 1 and a half hirable people from 48 resumes and 14 interviews.

[BrenDAnn]

Something that's happened twice lately at C-Store:

1) Apply for job
2) Get interview
3) Almost get hired, but then get arrested for something stupid, like stealing nail polish from wally World, instead.
4) Don't get hired. You lose!

Yep. Twice, we had applicants ALMOST get hired, then get in trouble with the law. So far, it hasn't happened a third time, though knowing the people around here, I wouldn't be surprised in the least if it did!

[carryonnow]

SC: (in this case sucky candidate)"Um excuse me, kin-i-have an application?"

ME: "One moment please, I will be right with you."

SC: "I don't HAVE a moment...I need an application...NOW-ish!"

ME: "One moment, I need to finish with this customer then I will be happy to give you an application."

SC: "COW!"

ME: "Thanks for waiting SO patiently...here is the application. All of your departments are currently full but I encourage you to complete it and return it as soon as possible; this is retail and things change quickly."

SC: <pffffft> "what-ev's"

ME: "Great, I look forward to getting you application soon...OH, and by the way--could you please pay for the pocket full of candy bars and gum before leaving the store."


Yes---yes that REALLY happened---more than one time.

[Rosco the Iroc]

Be me I guess. 20 years in the Navy fixing electronics 4 years working and manager of a parts dept. I get let go in June and now still nothing.

[KellyHabersham]

A few years back, we had a female customer who was always applying for open positions in the "shelving staff" department, and if we'd had a "Do Not Hire" list, her name would have been on it.

Reason being that she had volunteered with us before, much of what our volunteers do involves shelving, and she had a hard time with that.

[flyonthewall]

As a fly on the wall, sometimes I hear things that OMG, DO NOT WANT TO HEAR. PLZ SPARE ME.

One of those things is a really twitchy guy who came in for an interview. Even though I tried SO hard not to hear it, I heard some of it. The stuff I managed to NOT not-hear:

-He thinks our company is stupid and overpriced.
-He'll quit as soon as he gets a job with a company he respects.
-He needs to stop sharing personal information that makes other people uncomfortable!!!!!!!!!!!
-He likes to quote Star Wars.

I also gathered intelligence that he had an excellent resume and seemed qualified on paper. Too bad things went south in his interview. Needless to say, he was not invited to join our consumer paradise.