$#*! My Customers Say

[BrenDAnn]

"Oh my god...she's buying TWO bottles of gin...ugh...I can't stand drunks!"... Said by a female customer after another female customer, whom she had acted like best friends with, had left the store.

[rapana1]

"Well, which side is supposed to go on your shorts??"

[Halo_miles]

Shit my coworker said today:

"Halo? Can you come grab this customer?"

Thankfully, it was a regular, and then it turned into the usual dirty minded gutterbrain thing.

[kpzra]

Pilot -"What's the rush, someone dying? yukyukyuk"
Me- "Actually yes, a medivac just asked if I can help with CPR because they have been at it for 20 minutes in air and are getting tired." (I used to be a licensed Paramedic)


Snotty celebrity passenger- "Can you make them be quiet, I can't here (whoever) on my phone"
Me- "Ma'am this is the customs ramp at the international terminal. I cannot ask Alaska Airlines to stop flying nor can I request the 777 cargo jet shut down it's APU. You are more than happy to sit in the van, reenter the plane, or go into the customs terminal though."

Cue a cat butt face from hell (as much as an overly botoxed face can).


Pilot - "Why isn't my plane fueled and on the ramp yet? I want to go."
Me- "The airport is shut down due to ash from the local volcano erupting being on the ground. NOTHING can fly."
Pilot - "So"

This was while I was driving a KC-135 crew back to our building from their plane.

PIC- "Why are you stopping?'
Me- "There is a stop sign for the Air National Guard taxiway."
PIC- "OK, but why are you still stopped"
Mm- "Because that AC-130 has the right of way, along with the MP escort to guard it"
AC-130 is the gunship variant.


I have more but it's my bedtime. Just because they can fly the plane doesn't meant they are smart. We had some gems come through working third shift with no CSR to be the filter (although the CSRs could be just as bad).

[Kitten in the box]

C:can you tell me where your rubbers are?
KIB: pardon?
C: you know. Pee-née covers
KIB: condoms?
C: yeah!! Those.

*shows where condoms are kept*

C: thanks!! *excited* yeahhhh pee-née covers!!!

[Jay 2K Winger]

PIC- "Why are you stopping?'
Me- "There is a stop sign for the Air National Guard taxiway."
PIC- "OK, but why are you still stopped"
Mm- "Because that AC-130 has the right of way, along with the MP escort to guard it"
AC-130 is the gunship variant.

Yes, the vehicle with weaponry always has the right of way.

Example.

[BrenDAnn]

Customer 1: Did you find all your eggs?
Customer 2: I found two. Scrambled, or over easy?

[KhirasHY]

My fiancee used to work at a tech support business, and once had a caller complaining about the screen resolution apparently getting turned way up. The caller was also having an asthma attack when he picked up the phone, which only made things worse. Now, the software the caller was using has a graphic that takes up a large part of the main screen, before you select any options, of a business man walking out of a building. So what does this woman, in gasping breaths, say to my fiancee?

"The man...*huff*...is too...*huff*...big..."

[bhskittykatt]

Guest 1: "Dude, do you know your plate number?"
Guest 2: "No. Just tell her it's a phone booth."

[rapana1]

"What's your paddock look like?"

[Thana]

BG I practice in the Wicca faith and proudly wear a pentacle around my neck. At work I tend to keep it under my shirt because some of my customers will complain about it...and some of my co-workers would also. BG

This happened about a year ago when I still worked days. I was closing smoke shop (The only register Smiley allows tobacco to be sold at) and I had a group of about 6 teenagers come through my line and they were all buying separate items. One of the girls in the group pointed out some incense to her friend...which lead me to hearing this wonderful gem:

Incense girl: Hey look incense, these things usually smell really good.
Friend: I don't like incense.... it smells like witches.
Incense girl: It smells like witches?
Friend: -nods- Yes it smells like witches and you know witches are evil.

I had a hard time completing their transaction because I was trying so hard not to laugh.

[Ghel]

"Can you do it right away? It's the last day for me to turn it in."

[BrenDAnn]

"I saw a young woman as I crossed the bridge, pretty you woman, very well endowed. I said to her 'Thank God and five thousand dollars.' and she said 'Nope, they cost me six!'"

[Smapti]

"Kosher salt? Naw, that's just Jew salt. Ain't no different except they think it's holy."

"Don't they have any non-Illuminati yogurt?"

"Fish sticks? I was KIDNAPPED and I ate fish sticks!"