'Friend' borrows money, dissappears!

[LillFilly]

So, Guy I knew from work, though with a different company. We chatted and were friendly. He's let go. We stay in touch. He hints at wanting to go out, I tell him I'm not interested in a relationship, just being friends. He hints he'd like to sleep with me; I'm flattered but no. He seems to take the hint. Then he writes his car was towed after getting pulled-over and he's trying to collect the $ to get it out of impound. I loan him half and make him sign a promissory note with payments to begin in one-month, 50$ a month, until payment is complete. a few days before the date he is to begin payments, he asks when he's supposed to begin payments (this is all by messenger BTW) and I remind him. 20-days later, no payment. I message every day, text every-other day, and by 3-days ago attempted calling - the number isn't his anymore. I take screenshots of every conversation, message and date. I make a copy of the note (he had one as well) and have now sent him a certified letter with a notice to pay in full or I take it to a judge. I'm debating contacting some of his friends on facebook to ask if they can pass a message on to him; he doesn't seem to have been active for a month, nor has he read the messages I sent asking for payment. I'm giving him 30 days from receipt of the letter to contact me and set up payments. I'm pretty pissed. He tries to charm me, gets butt hurt I make him sign a contract, and now won't contact me. Perhaps he deserves for me to comment on his facebook page that he owes me money. Unfortunately, I did not think to do the type of promissory note where I collect property if he doesn't pay; not sure how I would get it anyway. In other news, I found the garage where he was towed and I know that part is true. Just...Wow. Only FRIENDS have every screwed me over in paying back money!

Update:

Well, just for kicks I looked up court dockets; figured if he was in trouble once he might be again. Turned-out for the last 20-days he's been incarcerated...the charges make me VERY glad I never went out with him, or got out of the car when I brought him the money! The charges are: IDSI person less than 16YO, Statutory sexual assault, and unlawful contact with a minor/corruption of minors. I wonder if that has anything to do with him posting about being in a relationship about 30-days ago...

Doesn't look like I'll be seeing that money anytime soon, and he has just ruined the rest of his life!

[Sapphire Silk]

Lovely!

Well, at least you know where he is to serve him. You can always take it out of his commissary money.

[Akasa]

Holy shit that's some update!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Why don't you have a seat over there?

[eltf177]

He tries to charm me, gets butt hurt I make him sign a contract, and now won't contact me.

I don't loan money to people (did that in college and had to physically threaten more than a few to get my money back) but this was a HUGE red flag...

Agreed, you won't be seeing the money but maybe you should appear at his court hearing as a character witness!

[icmedia]

A good rule of thumb that I've (unfortunately) found to be true:

Never loan out money that you can't afford to write off. Friends, family, it doesn't matter.

I also have stopped loaning money to any friends. If they don't have enough for the movie and I can afford it, I just pay and say they can get me back some other time. In the past, friends I've loaned money to ended up avoiding me because of it-and I really liked hanging out with them.

[Sparklyturtle]

And you find out very quickly who never has money. One advantage to not having money myself - no one asks me for a loan.

[csquared]

Every investment has a risk, just like this loan. You did the smart thing by making him sign a promissory note. Now you have the legal evidence to take him to small claims court if needed. You may want to look into that. The courts CAN seize his assets to collect the debt. As he is in jail, you might find that you are not the only one standing in that line. Move quick.

[Slave to the Phone]

As a general rule, if I'm going to loan someone money, it will be a small amount first. If that gets paid back, I feel safer about loaning out larger amounts. Usually, the smaller amount never gets paid back so the next requests are refused. "Sorry, I'm broke too."

Family is tough because other family members think that the one with money should help the one in need. Two of my sisters aren't talking to me because I cut one sister off at 5 grand over 3 years and the other one thinks I should have continued to throw money at the first one. Oh well.

Now, OTOH, I have a very good friend who at first glance would be a very bad risk. Dirt poor, disabled, no money sense at all. We usually have to lend him money at the end of the month because he does dumb shit with what he has. As soon as he gets his disability check, he is right at our door to pay us off. We just lent him 4 grand to pay for a lawyer. If he doesn't go to jail for the next 3 years, he will be at our door at the first of the month to make payments for a couple of years.

(This is a good investment for us, he's our cat/house sitter whenever we have to go out of town, he watches our place while we are at work, and we certainly don't want to have to take care of his critters for 3 years because he is in jail over a bullshit charge. If ya'll want details, just ask.)

[KellyHabersham]

A good rule of thumb that I've (unfortunately) found to be true:

Never loan out money that you can't afford to write off. Friends, family, it doesn't matter.

.

I would have to agree with this, as I've been burned twice with helping people out with money.....what really gets me is when the other person acts like what they need/want money for is far more important than what you need/want it for.

[Crai]

So I had a Friend of a Very good friend need something shipped in a hurry. I ended up having to take care of it. It cost about 400 to ship.

So F took forever to pay it back due to being in the field and not near a computer. I get that ok. BUT he sends the money to VGF. Now I trust VGF so I tell him hold it till i get back in town and I will get it from him then. 2 months latter I arrive but VGF cant give me the money seems his wife has spent it. He pointed out to her it wasn't hers or his and she said,

"Well he doesn't deserve it" meaning that yours truly doesn't deserve it.
Its not worth screwing up friendship but I cant wait for the day my VGF wakes up and divorces this Dependapotoms.

[Minflick]

Has VGF made any noises about repaying you? Because he's condoning what his wife did if he's not falling all over himself to apologize and pay you your money, even if he can't do it in one nice chunk... That is major crap!

[Crai]

VGF was going to try and pay me 25 to 50 till it was paid off. In short knowing him he would have starved him self each week or not take care of things to scrape up the money. So i just let it go. I know its a good chunk but I am not in need of it and I know in the past when he could he has helped others. Kind of a Karma thing.

The Dependa has them so in debt and he has child support from his first kid too. The Dependa while drunk drove her car into some stuff all cosmetic damage but she just HAD to have a shiny new car. She HAS to live in an over priced gated community They pay more for a 3 bedroom apartment than I was paying for a 4 bedroom house with 2 car garage. She has isolated him from friends and family and done her damnedest to chase any of us off that stick by him. Very manipulative deceitful dependa.


Before he met her and got in this situation he was the guy others always turned to for help, money, support. So now i'm doing what i can to help him since those assholes all seem to have scattered like farts in the wind.

But as others have said never loan or help with money you are not willing to never see again.

[LillFilly]

so I got a call from the father of this friend. He apparently collected his mail and signed for the certified letter I sent and called me after remembering my text messages, friend must have used his father's phone a few times and that's why I didn't recognize the phone message when there was no answer. Father said he will be good for it and he will pay it back. Apparently the story is that friend was dating this girl and told the family how old she was and family told him to run run now. He didn't think it was a big deal because he said she has been with other men but apparently it was her family who reported him, even though she argued that she was willing. That upsets me a bit that they're not controlling their underage daughter running around sleeping with men yet they are sicking the police on the men she sleeps with. Even his father admitted he had no clue she was so young. But I still have to blame my friend because even when he knew her age he continued to pursue her.

[Soulstealer]

Apparently the story is that friend was dating this girl and told the family how old she was and family told him to run run now. He didn't think it was a big deal because he said she has been with other men

I can understand that her parents should probably have done a better job keeping her away but the second he knew she was underage he was also culpable, she may not be a nice person but in the eyes of the law it doesn't matter what kind of person she is.