You're coming with us, Miss...

[Slave to the Phone]

The hero in my story might not have been Ranger, but he could have played him on TV

I used to read a lot of arrest reports at work. At times, the stupidity was amazing. And they all seemed to use the same excuse "Those aren't my drugs. I know they were in my pockets, but these aren't my pants. I don't know whose pants they are, I just put them on when I got up."

[Seanette]

I have a print collection of stupid crook stories with the title "These Aren't My Pants".

[Kit-Ginevra]

Not just stupid crooks...title could also apply to very good drunken night out activities....

[raudf]

One of the stations' morning zoos has a "Head Up Your Ass Headlines," where they'll read stories exactly like the OP's. Soooo many fails packed into a small segment of time! Does tend to make driving hard, when you're laughing that much.