How not to impress the ladies.

[repsac]

I have a smile as I write this, a story from many years ago. It's one of my father's and while short, I hope it makes you laugh as well.

Years ago, my mother and I had gone to K&B drugs. (Long gone) The intent I think was to pick up a prescription for me, and a few things for her. My father drove us there and stayed out in the parkinglot.

His story is this (wish I remembered more details).

There was this young guy driving around in the parkinglot, with his head hanging out the window. He was, as dad put it, showing off to these young girls who were near by where he was. The guy kept doing long sweeping circles, driving around the girls and yelling things at them or talking to them.

On one circuit, with his head out the window, the guy turned sharply and (due to not looking where he was going) speared one of those concrete light poles they have in some parking lots. In fact, he hit it dead center into the front of his truck, nearly killing himself in the process.

Now, don't misunderstand, it wasn't the accident that nearly killed him. It was his door post. Remember that his head was out the window? Well the truck stopped, but he didn't, and thus his body ended up in the floorboard with the window and door post giving him a good choke.

Besides his bruises and wounded pride, he came out rather well. The girls found it amusing.

[blas]

HAHAHAHAHAAHAA.....

I should tell that story to the "drifters" I see at Wal-Mart and gas station parking lots.

"Drifters" are what I call men (of any age) who circle parking lots trying to impress girls, sometimes even in lots as small as gas stations, and with the smaller gas stations, they "drift" around with their head out the window with a sly smile.

Too bad none of them get PWNED here

[Sofar]

Is this a human mating ritual?

[Broomjockey]

It might be a stretch to call some of those drivers "human"

[ThePhoneGoddess]

hehehe!

Once witnessed this little gem:

I was standing at the entrance to a friend's apartment complex, right where the parking lot ends. There's a group of us girls here, milling and gossiping and enjoying the nice weather. Then there's some guys a short distance away, also milling and shooting the shit. This guy walks past both groups, ogling and leering at us, then calling out stuff to us.

He struts over to his big truck, with huge wheels (he has to climb up into the cab), those trashy looking lights in the back of the pickup bed, and brand new bright red paint job with flames going up the sides of the truck...you get the idea. He gets in and starts revving the motor, trying to get our attention. We all ignored him. He drives it around the parking lot a few times. We take no notice. He finally gets frustrated, parks the truck very close to us, shuts it off and climbs down. At this point this girl in our group steps towards him and says 'excuse me!' He's been scowling at his lack of success, but when she calls out to him he puffs his chest out and beams. He says to her "you wanna go for a ride baby?" and she replies "No thank you. I just wanted to tell you, I'm sorry about your penis."

Man, you shoulda seen the look on his face. he got back into his truck, revved it real good, and sped off. The guys next to us heard it, and they fell all over the place, laughing hysterically.

[blas]

Forgive me, I have to ask....

But when he was shot down by the ladies, and he revved his engine, did he happen to throw a rod and blow his engine, and then proceed to fall OUT of his window when he freaked out over what just happened to his engine?

Hahahahahahaha.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I'm picturing this guy climbing up into his truck...and I just can't help but picture him as a little kid climbing up into the car...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Is this a human mating ritual?

Oh, absolutely not. Nobody ever mates when someone's acting like this.

Think of it as a Darwin thing- unfit specimens displaying their unfit status.

[protege]

I like the ladies myself....but I'm not about to "redecorate" the front of my car looking at them. My eyeballs are watching the road ahead of me

[JustADude]

I like the ladies myself....but I'm not about to "redecorate" the front of my car looking at them. My eyeballs are watching the road ahead of me

"Stealth Boobing", as mentioned in another thread, is great not only for not looking like a jerk, but for avoiding costly insurance premium hikes and deductibles.

[Greenday]

When I have my Corvette SS, I won't need to do any of that crap. One drive past the ladies will be all it takes.

[repsac]

While my brother Terry (don't mind you knowing his name since he's a moron. Besides, he's got a warrant in this state and won't come back anytime soon :P ) was down here from Ohio, he pulled a stunt similar to this on me.

We were driving around town, and T decided to stick his head out the window and scream at this woman "Hey baby, you've got a nice a**" He didn't quite get all that out though, rather it ended up being "Hey baby you've gasp wheeze gasp choke"

Why the gasping? Simple. I rolled the window up on his neck and he didn't know how to get it back down.

As to his warrant, he's wanted for being a deadbeat dad. Another reason I have NO quaulms about using his name.

[Andara Bledin]

I rolled the window up on his neck and he didn't know how to get it back down.

Brilliant.

I'm sure whoever he was yelling at appreciated the abrupt cessation, too.

^-.-^

[smellystudent]

When I was at university, sitting out on the grass one lovely summer's day, there was a group of rather nice girls sat not far from me.

Someone riding a silly 50cc scooter saw them, pulled an impressive wheelie, and promptly steered himself into the kerb

[zzapp the witch]

Chickie in the other post is scaring me. Cause I've said the "sorry about your penis". Freaky. Of course, maybe great minds think alike, and it doesn't take a lot to figure out what those guys are compensating for. And in rural Oregon, you have a LOT of people like this.

When I was about 14 my dad taught me (to my mom's great embarrassment) to holler, "SMALL PENIIIISSS!!" to guys driving jacked up trucks.

I still do it in the summer. That and cruise the boulevard (we still have cruise nights here) with the kids for fun, with all the windows down, teaching the kids to bark at the people walking on the sidewalk (ala Jim Carrey in Pet Detective) in between licks of their icecreams.

Yeah, its weird, but its cheap fun. And it doesn't hurt anybody. Kids get points for bark-backs, and adults get points for people who "point with the wrong finger" (kid language for flipping us off).

I've actually made new friends that way. Someone will spot me somewhere and announce, "Hey, that's the gal who barked at me!" Its made for some strange, random BBQ's.

I've never made anyone run into an object, but I did make a guy (who was going way too fast in a parking lot) hit a speed bump and chunk his teeth into his lip. Does that count? There was lots of blood.