Assault at the Subway

[Antisocial_Worker]

It all started when I, as I always do, stopped at Subway for lunch on my way to work and saw the obnoxious girl sitting at my regular table, loudly chatting away on a cell phone about how much she hates this town and is ready to leave, has been ready to leave for years, but she wasn't sure her car would make it all the way to New Orleans. I gave a passing though to just posting here about her, but then decided that she wasn't surpassingly obnoxious, but merely commonly obnoxious. No need.

However, the obnoxious girl was apparently the cause of what happened afterward, as near as I could tell from what I heard.

A couple of guys who apparently knew both the obnoxious girl and one of the Subway employees came in and began talking to the employee. One of them cornered her by the chips and soda fountain. After that, the conversation got heated, and the employee and the manager both told the guy who was yelling at the employee about how she had "fucked it up," by saying something to or about the obnoxious girl to get out. The guy cussed out the employee and the manager and told her to shut her "fat, fucking mouth." It was the wrong thing to say, because the manager is a tattooed lady that you do not want to mess with, but rather than wipe the floor with the guy, she called the police. The employee herded the guy out the door, telling him he had to leave, and with him cursing her all the way outside. Once outside, he screamed at her and threw his drink at her, soaking her, while the manager was giving details to the cops.

I don't really know what you're supposed to do in a situation like this, and all I did was ask the employee if she was alright when she came back inside. I dunno... didn't seem to be any need to be a hero, because the guy did leave, but I still feel like I didn't do enough or something. Kind of an unpleasant feeling.

[Antisocial_Worker]

I talked to the tattooed boss lady today (who gave me a free drink, chips, and two cookies because I tried to help even though I didn't do anything), and learned more about the situation.

As it turns out, the man who threw the drink, who shall henceforth be referred to as Jerk, was upset with Employee, his girlfriend, because he and his friend who had accompanied him in had to pay for their sandwiches. I don't know how Obnoxious Girl figured into it, but Jerk did know her and did mention her.

It also turns out that Jerk is abusive to Employee. They live together in the apartment underneath Tattooed Boss Lady's apartment. Once, when Tattooed Boss Lady's dog got loose she went downstairs to get it and found Jerk beating Employee with a broom handle. Employee is apparently content with this arrangement because she went over Tattooed Boss Lady's head to the restaurant owner and complained that Tattooed Boss Lady was sticking her nose where it didn't belong by calling the cops about Jerk throwing the drink and cussing her out in front of customers.

Jerk and Employee have not come home yet, as Tattooed Boss Lady's husband is waiting for them if and when they do. It could get ugly, I hear.

[auntiem]

I don't know what state you are in, but in my state - if there is a witness to the assault he gets a trip to jail regardless of whether or not the girlfriend wants to press charges. Yes, even after the fact. So if the boss was calling the police because this guy was being abusive, but he wasn't there by the time the police get there - then the police will go pick his ass up the next time he shows up for work/back at the apartment wherever. He would have to go to jail overnight and get charged and arraigned in the morning. If there are visible marks on the girl - she will be offered a restraining order for free. Then he couldn't come near her work or her apartment - if he violates it back in jail he goes.

[BookstoreEscapee]

complained that Tattooed Boss Lady was sticking her nose where it didn't belong by calling the cops about Jerk throwing the drink and cussing her out in front of customers.

The guy threw a drink in her store and she was "sticking her nose in" by doing something about it? Umm, yeah, OK...

It could possibly be said she's sticking her nose in if she were to get involved when they are at home, but then if she has witnessed him assaulting her I'd say she has every right to call the police, even if the girl is likely to deny there's a problem when they show up. I would call them.

It's probably better not to get involved, anyway, unless things really got out of hand. It could just make the guy angrier and end up getting someone hurt. It was good of you to check on the girl after the fact.

Employee is apparently content with this arrangement

My guess is she is either more afraid of being alone than she is of him, or she is more afraid of what he might do if she leaves, or she has been raised to somehow think this is a "normal" relationship. Whatever it is, it's sad and hopefully she will find her way out of it...

[Will-Mun]

This will probably be an unpopular opinion but...

When anyone, woman OR man is the victim of domestic or spousal abuse... My sympathies to that person. It's a horrible thing.

When that person goes back to that abusive person... My sympathy starts to wane. It plays on my nerves. When the person who has been abused begins to defend the other, my sympathy starts to vanish.

I can understand that some people have a damaged opinion of what a relationship is, that they want to believe it will change, that the abuse will stop... But theres a line... You need to get away from this person, because when you come back, it only tells them that they can get away with the abuse.

Spousal abuse is a horrible thing... I can't understand why people go BACK to it knowingly.

[Andara Bledin]

It was hashed out in another thread, but after a pattern of abuse, the person being abused truly and honestly believes that they, the victim, are at fault and that they actually deserve the treatment they're getting.

I used to know someone who was a real sharp cookie, but not one of the 20+ people who told her so could convince her of that fact. From what I understand, her father told her constantly for the 15 years she stayed at home that she was stupid and worthless.

After that much reinforcement, it can be incredibly hard to not believe, somewhere deep down, that maybe the abuser is right about everything.

^-.-^

[Mark Healey]

Spousal abuse is a horrible thing... I can't understand why people go BACK to it knowingly.

There are a million possible reasons.

Some women have a low opinion of themselves.
Some women like the appology.
Some feel that if getting a man angry at them shows that he cares.
Some are afraid that they can't make it on their own.
Some grew up in homes where it was common and they think it is normal.
Some actually get off on it.

[Tria]

Spousal abuse is a horrible thing... I can't understand why people go BACK to it knowingly.

One word: Darwin.

[CSR Kim]

I volunteered a semester at an organization that helps victims of rape and domestic violence, and it really opened my eyes a lot. It usually takes an average of three attempts before a woman will leave an abusive partner. More often than not, they don't live long enough to make the third attempt. Smart or not, I can completely sympathize with the victims of abuse. Can you imagine living with someone who verbally and/or physically abuses you on a daily basis? Who maybe controls every aspect of your life(money? transportation?)? Who convinces you that you can't live without them? Who threatens you and/or your children if you leave? If you've lived this way for a long time, or were raised in such an abusive environment that you think it's all "normal" then sometimes it isn't so easy to leave. If you have become dependent on your spouse, financially, etc...that makes it even worse.

It's so easy to say, "Well, if I were in her shoes, I wouldn't put up with that." When you don't necessarily know the whole story, or know how difficult it is to actually take that first step toward getting out of an abusive relationship.

Maybe the girl in the original post wants out, but doesn't know how, or is scared. Maybe you could do some research into some local women's shelters or organizations who help victims of abuse, and if you see that girl again, pass it on.

[Pezzle]

Some actually get off on it.

HEY, there's a broader line thank you think between fetishism and abuse, might I remind you all...

[Sliceanddice]

Dont forget it ifs a man being abused its to embarrassing or makes them less of a man. And less people are going to believe them. Woman can be worst than any man when it comes to abuse but are less likely to be turned for domestic. Hell when you condicer most profiles for any crime are based on a male basis it makes since.

[thegiraffe]

There's a term for it: learned helplessness.

Essentially, when a person tries to make a change and fails (for whatever reason, but typically because someone/something is directly hindering their path), they "learn" that they are "helpless". Now, they may not BE helpless in actuality, but they've learned that nothing they do can control what happens to them, so they essentially stop trying. They've found this to be true in animals too.


Here are some good links:

http://ematusov.soe.udel.edu/final.p...p/00000062.htm

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm

http://www.unfetteredmind.com/articles/helplessness.php

[Tria]

And less people are going to believe them. Woman can be worst than any man

And yanno why? Women have NAILS! Well, some do.... *Gnaws mine*

[BookstoreEscapee]

My brother dated a girl for 4 years (who I was "friends" with since first grade). They constantly fought and broke up and got back together (and looking back, after I was away from the situation, I realized she and I had the same kind of relationship since we were kids). My freshman year in college, my parents and I went to Maryland for a couple days after Christmas to see family (my bro had to work) and when we got back he had a black eye. Turns out she had punched him. Learned later she had a habit of hitting and throwing things (learned from her father, no doubt). Luckily at that point they broke up for good (and I finally let go of the "friendship" too). I see her once in a while; she's married and I wonder sometimes what that's like...

[Shabo]

My brother is also married to a horrid wench that beats on him. She doesn't do it enough to leave marks, but that doesn't change the fact that she's abusive. Before they got married, she went out with her girls for her night out, and he went out with his boys to a strip club, like you do for a bachelor party, and somehow, they ended up at the same gas station later that night. She went up to him and started beating the snot out of him for whatever reason she thought she was justified for.

Oh, but she was cheating on him all through their engagement. So it's ok for her to sleep around, but heaven forbid he look at another girl. Stupid wench. He thinks our mother hates her. Gee, I wonder why.