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Again, long & language, title may be too long to show it.
I started this last night in notepad, due to the cable being out. Enjoy.
So, my GF is sick and up most of the night, which means I (being a very light sleeper) am also up half the night. And I think I'm coming down with the flu as well. Thus, I am uber grumpy and somewhat sucky myself.
Going to Work
My normal commute involves dodging suicidal pedestrians (yes, I do have to yield to you if you're in the crosswalk. However, the laws of physics dictate that my 1,800 pound car, traveling at 35 MPH, cannot come to a complete stop in 10 feet) and avoiding the six schoolbuses whose routes coincide with parts of my route.
Today, having made it past the stoplights and the multilane crosswalks I was at the head of the huge line of cars when we merged. The merge is poorly placed, coming only about 50 feet before a four way intersection. I merge, glance down to adjust my heat, and look up in time to see a white utility van in the oncoming lane making a U-turn through the middle of the intersection.
Being so calm and reasonable, I utilize my middle finger to make a rude gesture as I slam on the brakes and swerve to avoid slamming into his fender.
The van pulls forward about 20 feet then comes to a stop in the middle of the lane, giving me enough to space to get in line behind him. The driver then jumps out of the van
and comes storming back to my window. 
AVG - Average (I keed!) actually Angry Van Guy
Me - Lollipop to whoever can guess this one correctly!
AVG: F*** you! I'll take finger and shove it right up your a** you rude f***! You will treat me with respect or I will f*** you up!
Me: Attempting to roll down frozen window thinking Did he seriously get out of his van for this? Moron, you made a U-turn through the middle of a four way intersection into oncoming traffic. That's illegal and really dangerously f***ing stupid. If you don't like that, then don't drive like an idiot.
AVG: Using both middle fingers at once (talented!) and doing a crouching hopping from foot to foot in a classic primate dominance display - classic if you're a monkey, that is... F*** YOU!! YOU WILL RESPECT ME!!!!eleventy!!! YOU WILL RESPECT ME OR YOU GO NOWHERE!!! F*** YOU!!!
At this point, I just had to laugh... The little dance was so ridiculous. I felt like I was watching a National Geographic special. I kind of hoped Jane Goodall would come over and show me her notes on this incident.
My laughter, of course, was not well received. He continued yelling and hopping about even faster. Which only made it funnier. I figured this could go on for a while and I had to get to work, so I rolled up my window, gave him a smile and wave
and demonstrated my ability to steer around his van and drive away.
The last I saw of him was in my rearview mirror, still hopping and yelling. I feel he may not be long for driving that van, as the name of the company was marked on the side and there were quite a few dumbfounded witnesses to this whole display...
At the grocery store on my way home
Our local grocery stores now not only have handicapped spaces and cart returns, but they've added Customer with Child parking spaces into the mix as well. These are all lined up at one end of the rows, like so:
Front entrance of the store
Handicap space ][ Handicap space
Handicap space ][ Handicap space
Customer w/ child ][ Customer w/ child
Regular space ][ Regular space
Regular space ][ Regular space
Cart return ][ Cart return
Not perfect, but you get the idea. Then there's about 20 more spaces out into the middle of the lot past the cart returns. So, I'm stopping to grab a couple things, including cough medicine, and I managed to park right next to one of the customer w/ child spots. Close to the store, yay!
As I'm leaving, there's a woman with several small children in her car waiting to turn into the Customer w/ Child spot, but she waves me past first so I can go to my car.
In the meantime, a guy with his empty cart walks up past the cart return, in front of this woman's car, and shoves the cart into the middle of the empty Customer w/ Child parking space.
SCG - Sucky Cart Guy
Me - Cookies for correct guesses this time!
Me: Dude! What're you doing? That woman is trying to park here. <pointing at woman's car>
SCG: What the f*** is your problem? Mind you're own godd*** business. It's the f***ing cart return, she can't park here anyway. Read the godd*** sign. <pointing to the Customer With Child Parking Only sign>
Me:
Are you illiterate or just such an a** that reading is too good for you?
SCG: What the f*** did you just say to me?
Me: Read that sign out loud to me, then think about it. <pointing to the Customer With Child Only Parking sign
SCG: <finally LOOKING at the sign IT SAYS!!!eleventy! dramatic pause! Customer with Child... F*** YOU, JACKASS!!! <storms off, leaving the cart behind>
Me: Is it that hard to admit you were wrong?
I pull the cart out of the way and put it in the proper return rack.
The woman thanks me as it is now raining and she actually has four small children with her.
Anyway, I now leave you to draw your own conclusions...
I started this last night in notepad, due to the cable being out. Enjoy.
So, my GF is sick and up most of the night, which means I (being a very light sleeper) am also up half the night. And I think I'm coming down with the flu as well. Thus, I am uber grumpy and somewhat sucky myself.
Going to Work
My normal commute involves dodging suicidal pedestrians (yes, I do have to yield to you if you're in the crosswalk. However, the laws of physics dictate that my 1,800 pound car, traveling at 35 MPH, cannot come to a complete stop in 10 feet) and avoiding the six schoolbuses whose routes coincide with parts of my route.
Today, having made it past the stoplights and the multilane crosswalks I was at the head of the huge line of cars when we merged. The merge is poorly placed, coming only about 50 feet before a four way intersection. I merge, glance down to adjust my heat, and look up in time to see a white utility van in the oncoming lane making a U-turn through the middle of the intersection.
Being so calm and reasonable, I utilize my middle finger to make a rude gesture as I slam on the brakes and swerve to avoid slamming into his fender.
The van pulls forward about 20 feet then comes to a stop in the middle of the lane, giving me enough to space to get in line behind him. The driver then jumps out of the van
and comes storming back to my window. AVG - Average (I keed!) actually Angry Van Guy
Me - Lollipop to whoever can guess this one correctly!
AVG: F*** you! I'll take finger and shove it right up your a** you rude f***! You will treat me with respect or I will f*** you up!
Me: Attempting to roll down frozen window thinking Did he seriously get out of his van for this? Moron, you made a U-turn through the middle of a four way intersection into oncoming traffic. That's illegal and really dangerously f***ing stupid. If you don't like that, then don't drive like an idiot.
AVG: Using both middle fingers at once (talented!) and doing a crouching hopping from foot to foot in a classic primate dominance display - classic if you're a monkey, that is... F*** YOU!! YOU WILL RESPECT ME!!!!eleventy!!! YOU WILL RESPECT ME OR YOU GO NOWHERE!!! F*** YOU!!!
At this point, I just had to laugh... The little dance was so ridiculous. I felt like I was watching a National Geographic special. I kind of hoped Jane Goodall would come over and show me her notes on this incident.
My laughter, of course, was not well received. He continued yelling and hopping about even faster. Which only made it funnier. I figured this could go on for a while and I had to get to work, so I rolled up my window, gave him a smile and wave
and demonstrated my ability to steer around his van and drive away.The last I saw of him was in my rearview mirror, still hopping and yelling. I feel he may not be long for driving that van, as the name of the company was marked on the side and there were quite a few dumbfounded witnesses to this whole display...
At the grocery store on my way home
Our local grocery stores now not only have handicapped spaces and cart returns, but they've added Customer with Child parking spaces into the mix as well. These are all lined up at one end of the rows, like so:
Front entrance of the store
Handicap space ][ Handicap space
Handicap space ][ Handicap space
Customer w/ child ][ Customer w/ child
Regular space ][ Regular space
Regular space ][ Regular space
Cart return ][ Cart return
Not perfect, but you get the idea. Then there's about 20 more spaces out into the middle of the lot past the cart returns. So, I'm stopping to grab a couple things, including cough medicine, and I managed to park right next to one of the customer w/ child spots. Close to the store, yay!
As I'm leaving, there's a woman with several small children in her car waiting to turn into the Customer w/ Child spot, but she waves me past first so I can go to my car.
In the meantime, a guy with his empty cart walks up past the cart return, in front of this woman's car, and shoves the cart into the middle of the empty Customer w/ Child parking space.SCG - Sucky Cart Guy
Me - Cookies for correct guesses this time!
Me:
Dude! What're you doing? That woman is trying to park here. <pointing at woman's car>SCG: What the f*** is your problem? Mind you're own godd*** business. It's the f***ing cart return, she can't park here anyway. Read the godd*** sign. <pointing to the Customer With Child Parking Only sign>
Me:
Are you illiterate or just such an a** that reading is too good for you?SCG: What the f*** did you just say to me?
Me: Read that sign out loud to me, then think about it. <pointing to the Customer With Child Only Parking sign
SCG: <finally LOOKING at the sign IT SAYS!!!eleventy! dramatic pause! Customer with Child... F*** YOU, JACKASS!!! <storms off, leaving the cart behind>
Me: Is it that hard to admit you were wrong?
I pull the cart out of the way and put it in the proper return rack.
The woman thanks me as it is now raining and she actually has four small children with her.Anyway, I now leave you to draw your own conclusions...
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