Something's missing here...

[repsac]

I know, I know. I've been away for a while. RL got the better of me, but to tide you over I have a little giggle story here. It's not really sucky, but the whole thing was hilarious when it happened.


I forget the exact date, but it was some time around 98 or 99 that this happened. At the time I owned an Audi...though I forget the exact type. This particular car was strange, in that the battery was not where you would expect it to be. Instead of being in the engine compartment, the battery was located under the rear passenger seat. Much fun ensued from this one day.

Pulling into Wal-mart, I toss the keys to the mechanic and ask for my car to get a quick tune-up and the oil/filters changed. I get my quoted price and head in. Now, I'm being a bit naive here, expecting that maybe they have seen my type of car. Apparently not.

Ten minutes later they page me to come back and a mechanic meets me at the door. Looking me dead in the eye (with numerous other customers around) he says sheepishly:

Uh, sir...we can't find the battery for your car.

Being a bit brain dead then, I oh and ask. "Can't find the right type?"

Shaking his head the man repeats. "We can't find the battery for your car. I mean we really can't find it. Been all over that thing and for the life of me I can't figure out where it is."

Staring at him a moment, I blink and realise I forgot to tell him about it. Imagine the look of disbelief he gives me when I tell him it's under the back seat. That one, I must admit, took quite a bit of explaining to get sorted out.

[mattm04]

Many Caddies have the battery under the back see also. My car has the battery in the engine compartment, covered with a protective plastic cover, which can only be removed by removing several other parts. The fuses for the engine and essential equipment like headlights, starter, etc are in the engine compartment, but the fuses for the "non essential stuff" HVAC, radio, fans, power seats, moonroof, seat heaters, etc are under the back seat. go figure.

[wagegoth]

Some BMWs have the battery there, too.

A similar funny one: I had one of the first VW Rabbits in the U.S. The air filter was not on the carburetor. Very unusual for the time. I was having problems with it (turned out later to be the starter). Several men came over to help me and not one of them could find the carburetor. I had to stifle my laughter, as they were really trying to impress me and they were trying to help. I miss that car. It took an accident to kill it.

[chops]

I know of a couple of Saturns that put their batteries in unusual places. The Ion puts it below the floor of the trunk; actually very easy to get to and you can jump the car from the back as well as from the terminals in the front. The Outlook (crossover SUV) has an access panel between the first and second row on the passenger side, but last I checked you need Torx screws to get inside that panel.

Sure beats my old Dodge Stratus, though...they put the battery behind the left front wheel well. Very hard to get to.

[d962831]

It's going to be so fun adjusting once they start mass producing hydrogen cars (which not only look and operate awesomly, it'll cost only about three dollars to FILL THE TANK!) The tank is I believe only smaller than current averages by a few ounces...and it'll be getting nearly twice the gas (or is it hydrogen?) mileage.

[GolfCart34]

I know of a couple of Saturns that put their batteries in unusual places. The Ion puts it below the floor of the trunk; actually very easy to get to and you can jump the car from the back as well as from the terminals in the front.

I remember jump starting my grandfather's car with my Ion. I was with my uncle and thankfully we brought my car instead of his truck since his truck wouldn't have fit in the driveway with the car. It kind of surprised him when there was no battery under the hood, only a positive terminal and a ground screw. The only bitch was getting the cables to clamp on to the ground screw. I don't think I've jump started anything from the back of my car yet, though.

[Seshat]

and it'll be getting nearly twice the gas (or is it hydrogen?) mileage.

Well, at sea level pressure and normal human-friendly temperatures, hydrogen is a gas.

[wolfie]

It kind of surprised him when there was no battery under the hood, only a positive terminal and a ground screw. The only bitch was getting the cables to clamp on to the ground screw. I don't think I've jump started anything from the back of my car yet, though.

Is the ground screw a stud where the cable end is held on by a nut, or is a screw that goes through the cable end, with the nut being part of the car structure? If it's a 3/8-16 stud (one of the standard terminal types for group 31 batteries), Grote makes stud-to-SAE adapters that replace the nut, and give a standard SAE post (kind found on top-terminal batteries) to clamp the jumper cable onto. If it's a stud with a different thread, try using a coupler nut (long, used for joining 2 pieces of threaded rod) instead of the regular nut. For a regular screw, if it's the same thread as a side-terminal battery, I believe there are conversion posts available (SAE post with a bolt sticking out the bottom). If it's a different thread, try using a longer screw with a stack of flat washers under the head.

Batteries where you can't get a grip with the jumper cables are a PITA. The guy with the parking space next to mine needed a jump start a couple weeks ago, and I had the same problem - when I went to Traction looking for a solution, that's when I found out about the Grote parts. Now I've got one battery on each side equipped with posts.

As for the jumper cables, don't go cheap. The ones in emergency kits (or the cheap ones sold on their own) are usually 10 gauge 8 foot - pretty much useless. The next step up is 8 gauge, but spend a bit extra (one chain locally has them on sale for $20, regular price $30) and go for 6 gauge 16 foot cables (what I have in my car). The heavier gauge cuts down on voltage drop, and 16 feet means the cars don't have to be nose-to-nose. In my truck, I have 2 gauge 20 foot cables - when my neighbour needed a second jump start a couple days after the first, he had got 8 gauge cables, the guy trying to help him had 8 gauge as well, but they needed to hook up the cables end-to-end in order to reach, and they couldn't deliver enough current to do the job. That's how things were when I got there, and the heavier cables had his MBE 4000 up and running in no time.

[coldcupofjoe]

The Outlook (crossover SUV) has an access panel between the first and second row on the passenger side, but last I checked you need Torx screws to get inside that panel.

Oh god I hate Outlooks. We never seem to get an outlook that has less then three pages worth of crap on the tickets.

And yess you're supposed to use torx bits to get to the battery, but a small enough pocket screw driver and a little skill gets you in quite nicely.