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I gave a guy an orgasm...

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  • I gave a guy an orgasm...

    or more appropriately, my shoes did.

    I have a pair of birkenstock shoes that I wear a lot. They're very comfortable and they saved me from a couple bouts of tendonitis and plantar faciatis. So tonight after work I put them on and went to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately I must set foot in there occasionally when I need to buy stuff my store does not carry and I don't want to run down to Target half an hour away.

    So I'm wandering around the store, picking up body wash, shaving gel, propel drink mix, a memory card for my cell phone and a few other things. Along the way I notice this sketchy looking guy following me around kinda pretending to shop and trying to not be noticeable. I didn't think much of him at first.

    I was looking at rubbermaid storage containers when I glanced behind me--to find sketchy looking guy and WAIT A MINUTE IS THAT HIS HAND MOVING AROUND UNDER HIS SWEATPANTS! I GUESS IT IS!

    Me: Excuse me? What are you doing?
    SLG: Oh...uh...sorry! I like your shoes. (turns around and starts walking quickly toward the back of the store)

    Creeped out, I headed up to the service desk and asked them to get a manager for me, and surprisingly he came up pretty fast. I described the guy's clothing to him--black jacket, navy blue sweatpants, glasses and a Green Bay Packers stocking cap--and told him I did not know if he was still in the store, but he was following me around and getting his rocks off and they should look out for him in case he tries to approach somebody else. He told me he'd tell LP and the other employees in the store to keep an eye out for him.

    I ended up leaving all my stuff there and returning to my store to pick up the things I could get there.

    People really disgust me sometimes.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    Yuckity yuck yucky.

    Yet I have to say, Awesome Shoes!!
    A lion however, will only devour your corpse, whereas an SC is not sated until they have destroyed your soul. (Quote per infinitemonkies)

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    • #3
      EEEEEEWWWWWW! There's just not enough to get that out of my head. For that, I'll need scotch....and lots of it.
      It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

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      • #4
        This all I have to say:

        The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

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        • #5
          LOL!!! The cat says it all Well..at least he apologized

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          • #6
            Um ew...and the fact that he actually responded, and in the manner he did, makes it all the more weird.

            Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
            They're very comfortable and they saved me from a couple bouts of tendonitis and plantar faciatis
            ...but I'm glad someone other than me, my brother, and avid sports fans know what plantar faciatis is. I have that and tendonits from my days as a figure skater. Couple all that with high arches, and I'm terribly picky about what shoes I wear.
            "In the end I was the mean girl/or somebody's in between girl"~Neko Case

            “You don't need many words if you already know what you're talking about.” ~William Stafford

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            • #7
              Why can't women be like that?!?!? Wear the right shoes and you're in.

              "Sure, I have three more pairs at home ... wanna see?"
              "Always stand near the door." -- Doctor Who

              Kuya's Kitchen -- Cooking, Cooking Gadgets, and Food Related Blather from a Transplanted Foodie

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              • #8
                Weird fetishes are one thing, but most fetishists have the decency not to masturbate in public!

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                • #9
                  When I read plantar faciatis I thought of face plant.
                  ludo ergo sum

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                  • #10
                    I understand that there are a lot of different kinks out there and I sort of get a shoe fetish, but Birkenstocks?!?!?!

                    I have a friend who is a dancer and she swears by them, but c'mon, their ugly factor is equaled only by crocs.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth sportsmom View Post
                      I have a friend who is a dancer and she swears by them, but c'mon, their ugly factor is equaled only by crocs.
                      You speak the truth.

                      I don't fault people for wearing them, because I'm all about comfort, but those things ain't sexy shoes.

                      I guess IPF saves his four-inch stilettos for around the house?

                      If you have to ask, it's probably better posted at www.fratching.com

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                      • #12


                        I have plenty of available.
                        Unseen but seeing
                        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                        3rd shift needs love, too
                        RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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                        • #13
                          You should try selling the shoes on Ebay.

                          "Guaranteed Orgasm Shoes"
                          My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

                          Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.

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                          • #14
                            Would be worth letting people know in local area though, sex offenders always start off with 'small' stuff like that then progress...
                            A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

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                            • #15
                              It probably wasn't the shoes; it was the feet in the shoes.

                              Picture time.
                              Labor boards have info on local laws for free
                              HR believes the first person in the door
                              Learn how to go over whackamole bosses' heads safely
                              Document everything
                              CS proves Dunning-Kruger effect

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