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Among other things, today must be Sell Your Brain For Exploding Things Day.
I went out to do a few errands today, simply because I'm working 6 days in a row, today I have more time and most places are still open. But I did my penance ahead of time: I worked early this morning.
A couple of love letter and pop quizzes for some stupid people today:
Dear Moron On A Motorcycle:
You are behind me on the entrance ramp to the freeway. Pop quiz! What do you do?
A. Hold your place in line behind me and merge onto the freeway like a normal human being, or
B. While still on the entrance ramp, pass me pretty much on the right shoulder and cut in front of me, forcing me to hit the brakes.
If you chose B, may I remind you that isn't a particularly smart thing to do, especially if you are wearing shorts, sandals and no helmet while riding your motorcycle. The leather clothing many motorcyclists wear is not just for looks--it's to prevent them from becoming ground chuck if they have an accident and fall off their motorcycle.
Just be happy my brakes are in good working order, because I really would've hated to have hit you. I mean, my insurance would've gone up.
Oh, and please see me for your complimentary obscene gesture, which I was unable to give to you since you accelerated like a bat out of hell and started weaving through traffic on the freeway.
Dear Putz in the Wally World Parking Lot:
I am signaling to turn left from the main drag in front of the store into a parking lot aisle. This particular aisle is for traffic moving in both directions. You are standing such that I cannot make my turn into the aisle without driving into the wrong side of the aisle or hitting you; both of which are kinda frowned upon and I don't really want to be scraping your pancreas out of my radiator. It could cause my car to overheat.
I wave with my hand to tell you to walk on through. Pop quiz! Do you:
A: Acknowledge my courteous driving and walk across the street so I can make my turn, or
B: Stare fish-eyed at the big shiny object that is the Freleighmobile and stand there mesmerized with your mouth hanging open as if to say "Duh-urrrr! Am I supposed to do something? What am I supposed to do? Tell me Irv, tell me! What do you want me to do? Duhhhhhhhhh..."while I continue waving you across like a madman and saying "Go ahead! Cross the street!" thus causing passers-by to wonder if I am a recent escapee from the local loony bin or swatting at a bee or talking on a bluetooth phone or something.
If you chose B, well, you know who you are, Mr. Idiot. Please see me for your complimentary kick in the head. Maybe it will jump-start your brain, assuming you have one and it isn't lodged up your backside.
I went out to do a few errands today, simply because I'm working 6 days in a row, today I have more time and most places are still open. But I did my penance ahead of time: I worked early this morning.
A couple of love letter and pop quizzes for some stupid people today:
Dear Moron On A Motorcycle:
You are behind me on the entrance ramp to the freeway. Pop quiz! What do you do?
A. Hold your place in line behind me and merge onto the freeway like a normal human being, or
B. While still on the entrance ramp, pass me pretty much on the right shoulder and cut in front of me, forcing me to hit the brakes.
If you chose B, may I remind you that isn't a particularly smart thing to do, especially if you are wearing shorts, sandals and no helmet while riding your motorcycle. The leather clothing many motorcyclists wear is not just for looks--it's to prevent them from becoming ground chuck if they have an accident and fall off their motorcycle.
Just be happy my brakes are in good working order, because I really would've hated to have hit you. I mean, my insurance would've gone up.
Oh, and please see me for your complimentary obscene gesture, which I was unable to give to you since you accelerated like a bat out of hell and started weaving through traffic on the freeway.
Dear Putz in the Wally World Parking Lot:
I am signaling to turn left from the main drag in front of the store into a parking lot aisle. This particular aisle is for traffic moving in both directions. You are standing such that I cannot make my turn into the aisle without driving into the wrong side of the aisle or hitting you; both of which are kinda frowned upon and I don't really want to be scraping your pancreas out of my radiator. It could cause my car to overheat.
I wave with my hand to tell you to walk on through. Pop quiz! Do you:
A: Acknowledge my courteous driving and walk across the street so I can make my turn, or
B: Stare fish-eyed at the big shiny object that is the Freleighmobile and stand there mesmerized with your mouth hanging open as if to say "Duh-urrrr! Am I supposed to do something? What am I supposed to do? Tell me Irv, tell me! What do you want me to do? Duhhhhhhhhh..."while I continue waving you across like a madman and saying "Go ahead! Cross the street!" thus causing passers-by to wonder if I am a recent escapee from the local loony bin or swatting at a bee or talking on a bluetooth phone or something.
If you chose B, well, you know who you are, Mr. Idiot. Please see me for your complimentary kick in the head. Maybe it will jump-start your brain, assuming you have one and it isn't lodged up your backside.
And yes, after I swerved to avoid him, I did give him the Pittsburgh salute. I hate to pick on Canada, but someone that stupid, no matter where they come from, deserves it. Learn to drive, or stay the hell home.
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