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Wherein I discover I would be an excellent hobo (language, possible NSFW)
Ok a bit of backstory. One of my friends works at Hollywood Video, so my other friend Tim and I hang out there Monday and Tuesday night, his managers don't mind, and we don't get in his way, and he gets all his work done. If he's with a customer, or otherwise busy, we leave him alone. So anyway, all of the following happened tonight.
Hey got any expired stuff?
Ok, so they (HV) were getting rid of all their expired stuff, so Tim and I, since we're moving to a new place soon, decide to take some of it. We made off with: 1 pallet of Green Tea, 2 pallets of Mountain Dew Livewire, 1 pallet of Mug Root Beer, 1/2 pallet of Sierra Mist, and 1/2 pallet of Dr. Pepper, in addition to about half a box of expired candy.
"It's the black midgets vs the white midgets."
DISCLAIMER: NOT MEANT TO BE RACIST OR BIASED AGAINST DWARFS, JUST STATING THE EVENTS
We were talking about a movie where this crackhead does, well, crack with a midget and his hooker. Eventually they get to discussing the war that is black against white, and the crackhead mentions, "Well you know, it'll be black midgets against white midgets right?"
A few hours later, we actually see a black midget riding a bike, and I know it's not really nice, but we just started snickering. Mods, feel free to make this as PC as possible, which you don't need my permission for, but I understand if you do it.
Dear drunkard, crackhead, and/or potsmoker,
Thank you for being the hilarious highlight of my night. You were the physical embodiment of intoxication, but I want to clear up a few points during our 15 minute encounter.
First off, when you get home, you'll want to change your pants, there is a dark spot on the back which I want to assume is from sitting in water, but I know that you probably just pissed yourself.
Secondly, while you get points for trying, my friend's name is Tim, not Jason, and he's from here in Colorado, not California which is where you claim to be from, which I don't doubt from your wasted manner. However, this would not add to the hilarity if we had actually introduced ourselves. No, instead, you decided to make up his name and place of origin, congratulations.
Third, in leading up to asking for use of a phone, you went through roughly, not one, not two, not even three, but four different conversations no one brought up, and no one was participating in but you, including:
Being from California
Going to raves
Girls dancing in there bras
The size of said girls "breasteses"
Fourth, when you finally got around to asking for a phone, when I refuse on the grounds that I don't have a phone (technically not true, but since Mom let the bill default, I can't use it), and suggest going into Hollywood Video to request use of theirs (which my friend would have refused you, but you were far too funny to not share), you actually accused me of being racist and not trusting you with my phone (partially true, I didn't trust you with my phone, but not because of race, but because you were shitfaced, and I didn't know if you'd try something with my phone or not). Luckily for you, Tim had a bigger heart than me, let you use his phone.
Fifth, when you decided to walk around the building, evidently looking for the beer you left there, despite the fact you came from THE COMPLETELY OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE PARKING LOT, Tim was actually saying, "If he takes off with my phone, I'm gonna catch him and beat him down." Our following you wasn't so much that we were worried about you getting away with his phone, in your state you wouldn't be too hard to catch, we just needed to keep an eye on you.
Sixth, while I know you were being friendly, when you do the slide and fist pound four times within the span of a minute, I don't like being touched, but I was being polite, however, knowing nothing about you other than your state of intoxication, and the state of your pants, I regret being polite.
Overall, you were fucking hilarious, thank you for the entertainment.
Sincerely,
Skrae
PS: I'm gonna soak my hand in rubbing alcohol now. Thank you.
Hey got any expired stuff?
Ok, so they (HV) were getting rid of all their expired stuff, so Tim and I, since we're moving to a new place soon, decide to take some of it. We made off with: 1 pallet of Green Tea, 2 pallets of Mountain Dew Livewire, 1 pallet of Mug Root Beer, 1/2 pallet of Sierra Mist, and 1/2 pallet of Dr. Pepper, in addition to about half a box of expired candy.
"It's the black midgets vs the white midgets."
DISCLAIMER: NOT MEANT TO BE RACIST OR BIASED AGAINST DWARFS, JUST STATING THE EVENTS
We were talking about a movie where this crackhead does, well, crack with a midget and his hooker. Eventually they get to discussing the war that is black against white, and the crackhead mentions, "Well you know, it'll be black midgets against white midgets right?"
A few hours later, we actually see a black midget riding a bike, and I know it's not really nice, but we just started snickering. Mods, feel free to make this as PC as possible, which you don't need my permission for, but I understand if you do it.
Dear drunkard, crackhead, and/or potsmoker,
Thank you for being the hilarious highlight of my night. You were the physical embodiment of intoxication, but I want to clear up a few points during our 15 minute encounter.
First off, when you get home, you'll want to change your pants, there is a dark spot on the back which I want to assume is from sitting in water, but I know that you probably just pissed yourself.
Secondly, while you get points for trying, my friend's name is Tim, not Jason, and he's from here in Colorado, not California which is where you claim to be from, which I don't doubt from your wasted manner. However, this would not add to the hilarity if we had actually introduced ourselves. No, instead, you decided to make up his name and place of origin, congratulations.
Third, in leading up to asking for use of a phone, you went through roughly, not one, not two, not even three, but four different conversations no one brought up, and no one was participating in but you, including:
Being from California
Going to raves
Girls dancing in there bras
The size of said girls "breasteses"
Fourth, when you finally got around to asking for a phone, when I refuse on the grounds that I don't have a phone (technically not true, but since Mom let the bill default, I can't use it), and suggest going into Hollywood Video to request use of theirs (which my friend would have refused you, but you were far too funny to not share), you actually accused me of being racist and not trusting you with my phone (partially true, I didn't trust you with my phone, but not because of race, but because you were shitfaced, and I didn't know if you'd try something with my phone or not). Luckily for you, Tim had a bigger heart than me, let you use his phone.
Fifth, when you decided to walk around the building, evidently looking for the beer you left there, despite the fact you came from THE COMPLETELY OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE PARKING LOT, Tim was actually saying, "If he takes off with my phone, I'm gonna catch him and beat him down." Our following you wasn't so much that we were worried about you getting away with his phone, in your state you wouldn't be too hard to catch, we just needed to keep an eye on you.
Sixth, while I know you were being friendly, when you do the slide and fist pound four times within the span of a minute, I don't like being touched, but I was being polite, however, knowing nothing about you other than your state of intoxication, and the state of your pants, I regret being polite.
Overall, you were fucking hilarious, thank you for the entertainment.
Sincerely,
Skrae
PS: I'm gonna soak my hand in rubbing alcohol now. Thank you.
(link goes to somethingawful, thus is NSFW)
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