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Dunno how many I have here, most are just one liners though some were worth a good giggle. Be warned: These may not be as funny as I thought they were :P
Do Not Operate
While filling up gas to the road hog, (mum's car) I happen to look over my shoulder and see a Power company truck. Hanging from the rear view mirror is one of those "lock out tag out" tags. This one happens to say "Do not Operate". Sent me into fits of giggles, which when the driver rolled down his window I told him why. He laughed about it too.
Don't mess with Granny
While in that same gas station (later in the day) this elderly woman was tending her two year old grand-daughter. The kid was being a total hellion, and Granny was about to her wits end. As I pass I hear her tell the kid "If I had a belt, I'd wear you out." I dunno why I did it, but I smiled at her and lifted my shirt to show my belt. Granny got a kick out of this and proceeded to tell the kid with all the authority of a granny, quote "See, he gots a belt. He'll let me borrow it to tan your hide!" The child became the best of angels after that. Though when I stretched later, she eeped and hid behind a stack of cokes.
Objects in rear view mirror
So, I got hit by a car. Not hard mind you, just enough to get my attention. Happened as I was leaving the store. (you know...maybe I should avoid that gas station all together?) Walking out the door I'm passing by this grey mini van. As I move by suddenly I feel like Ali has punched me in the kidneys. The world spun, and I distinctly remember this loud THUNK beside me. The thunk, it turned out, was the passenger side mirror for the van. The driver had pulled right out, swung to make his curve, and smacked me in the back with the thing. He actually told the police quote "I never looked, and besides I had right of way." Uh no...no you didn't. Now excuse me while I beat you with this mirror. He got a ticket, and his insurance is paying for my trips to the chiropractor. I can't really complain.
And all the earth was flooded..
Wandered into Mc Donalds saturday, only to get this strange wet feeling on my feet as I opened the door. (I wear sandals during the summer) Looking down I realize I'm standing in about three or four inches of COLD water.
That's when I notice the wet floor sign. I'll give the guy behind the counter props though. He never missed a beat and asked me what I'd like to order. Acted like there was nothing wrong what so ever. (found out some moron had broken off the sink, and they couldn't get the water to stop gushing.)
Stolen Phone Bill!
This just is ...well, eh to me.
Had to pay the phone bill and opted to do the "over the phone" type thing. You know the drill, press 1 for english, 2 for spanish, 3 for dutch, 4 for klingon....that type of thing. So I go through it and get to the one point where it asks for my zip code. Problem was I couldn't remember it. So I end up with a customer service associate, which prompts one of the strangest conversations I have ever had. I felt my brain dying through this.
R: Sorry bout that, I couldn't remember the zip code for the city that bill went to. I got it now.
CS: Ok, and you would like to make a payment?
R: Yeah.
CS: ok, I need the account number of the bill.
R: Uh..I don't have it. I don't usually have it when I pay over the phone.
CS: (starts getting a bit snotty) Well, then I can't take a payment if you can't tell me that.
R: And yet...your computer had no problem with it. Look I need to pay it, I've got an important call coming and I don't want an interruption.
CS: How much do you want to pay?
R: How much do I need? Minimum?
CS: I can't tell you that.
R:
Ok...then how do I know how much to pay if you won't tell me?
CS: You could (snotty attitude again) just tell me how much you want to pay.
R: Well how much do I need to pay? I remember part of the bill was XXX.XX....
CS: I can't tell you that.
R: I think we've been here before...Ok, tell me this, WHY can't you tell me what I owe?
CS: Well, are you "repsac's dad"?
R: Uh, no that's my dad, he passed away last year.
CS: Odd, since we have that he contacted us last week....
R: What? With a ouija board? Oh, wait, that was me. Yeah, I called you.
CS: Sir, how do I know you're not trying to steal...
R: What? A Phone bill? Oh yeah, lemme take that down to a pawn shop and see how much I'll get for it. Must be one heck of a crime wave if people are stealing phone bills.
CS: Sir, now you're being silly.
R: You said it first. Look just...the account it debits from ends in XXXX...Just pay XXX.XX of it there kay?
In the end, the bill was paid, and not a supervisor was called. Still, what did she think I would do? Steal a phone bill?
Do Not Operate
While filling up gas to the road hog, (mum's car) I happen to look over my shoulder and see a Power company truck. Hanging from the rear view mirror is one of those "lock out tag out" tags. This one happens to say "Do not Operate". Sent me into fits of giggles, which when the driver rolled down his window I told him why. He laughed about it too.
Don't mess with Granny
While in that same gas station (later in the day) this elderly woman was tending her two year old grand-daughter. The kid was being a total hellion, and Granny was about to her wits end. As I pass I hear her tell the kid "If I had a belt, I'd wear you out." I dunno why I did it, but I smiled at her and lifted my shirt to show my belt. Granny got a kick out of this and proceeded to tell the kid with all the authority of a granny, quote "See, he gots a belt. He'll let me borrow it to tan your hide!" The child became the best of angels after that. Though when I stretched later, she eeped and hid behind a stack of cokes.
Objects in rear view mirror
So, I got hit by a car. Not hard mind you, just enough to get my attention. Happened as I was leaving the store. (you know...maybe I should avoid that gas station all together?) Walking out the door I'm passing by this grey mini van. As I move by suddenly I feel like Ali has punched me in the kidneys. The world spun, and I distinctly remember this loud THUNK beside me. The thunk, it turned out, was the passenger side mirror for the van. The driver had pulled right out, swung to make his curve, and smacked me in the back with the thing. He actually told the police quote "I never looked, and besides I had right of way." Uh no...no you didn't. Now excuse me while I beat you with this mirror. He got a ticket, and his insurance is paying for my trips to the chiropractor. I can't really complain.
And all the earth was flooded..
Wandered into Mc Donalds saturday, only to get this strange wet feeling on my feet as I opened the door. (I wear sandals during the summer) Looking down I realize I'm standing in about three or four inches of COLD water.
That's when I notice the wet floor sign. I'll give the guy behind the counter props though. He never missed a beat and asked me what I'd like to order. Acted like there was nothing wrong what so ever. (found out some moron had broken off the sink, and they couldn't get the water to stop gushing.)Stolen Phone Bill!
This just is ...well, eh to me.
Had to pay the phone bill and opted to do the "over the phone" type thing. You know the drill, press 1 for english, 2 for spanish, 3 for dutch, 4 for klingon....that type of thing. So I go through it and get to the one point where it asks for my zip code. Problem was I couldn't remember it. So I end up with a customer service associate, which prompts one of the strangest conversations I have ever had. I felt my brain dying through this.
R: Sorry bout that, I couldn't remember the zip code for the city that bill went to. I got it now.
CS: Ok, and you would like to make a payment?
R: Yeah.
CS: ok, I need the account number of the bill.
R: Uh..I don't have it. I don't usually have it when I pay over the phone.
CS: (starts getting a bit snotty) Well, then I can't take a payment if you can't tell me that.
R: And yet...your computer had no problem with it. Look I need to pay it, I've got an important call coming and I don't want an interruption.
CS: How much do you want to pay?
R: How much do I need? Minimum?
CS: I can't tell you that.
R:
Ok...then how do I know how much to pay if you won't tell me?CS: You could (snotty attitude again) just tell me how much you want to pay.
R: Well how much do I need to pay? I remember part of the bill was XXX.XX....
CS: I can't tell you that.
R: I think we've been here before...Ok, tell me this, WHY can't you tell me what I owe?
CS: Well, are you "repsac's dad"?
R: Uh, no that's my dad, he passed away last year.
CS: Odd, since we have that he contacted us last week....
R: What? With a ouija board? Oh, wait, that was me. Yeah, I called you.
CS: Sir, how do I know you're not trying to steal...
R: What? A Phone bill? Oh yeah, lemme take that down to a pawn shop and see how much I'll get for it. Must be one heck of a crime wave if people are stealing phone bills.
CS: Sir, now you're being silly.
R: You said it first. Look just...the account it debits from ends in XXXX...Just pay XXX.XX of it there kay?
In the end, the bill was paid, and not a supervisor was called. Still, what did she think I would do? Steal a phone bill?
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