Door-to-Door Mormon

[Nashida]

This has been going on for a while. There's a little old couple who goes around town ringing doorbells to get people to become Mormons. And they ring the bell until someone answers if a car's parked in the driveway.

I've also been dealing with random pranksters ringing doorbells and taping signs to my door.

So on this occasion the doorbell rings. And rings. And rings. I'm figuring it's those delinquents, so I snatch up whatever's nearby (in this case, a Guitar Hero controller) and hoist it over my head. I round the corner, and...it's the Mormons.

They simply say "Have you been touched by Jesus?" and hand me brochures, never acknowledging the fact that I have a plastic guitar over my head like a sword.

[Lachrymose]

"Have you been touched by Jesus?"

"Yes! Thanks for bringing up repressed memories, jerks! "

[smileyeagle1021]

First thing-
let me apologize on behalf of the more fanatical of my church... they haven't yet figured out the whole "lead by example thing"... for some reason they think beating you over the head with a fish will work better
second-
the good missionaries will say "have you heard the good news about the fullness of the gospel" for the very reason that lachrymose pointed out...
third-
... and that is the funniest line ever Lachrymose

[otakuneko]

I am glad prosletizers don't come around my neighborhood much.

When I'm ready for religion, I'll seek it out.

[mariamousie1]

My mom has given up on being polite to them. It just makes them stay longer. I'm waiting for one of them to come to the door when I'm around so I can say "Sorry, but before I join your religion I'll have to check with my dark lord Satan."

[Ratha]

Yeah, Mormons can be just as bad as any other religion. Back when we used to be members, my mom used to say "The church is perfect, but the people aren't."

You should try telling them you're Wiccan or something, that's how I got them to stop trying to get me to rejoin.

[Becks]

"Have you been touched by Jesus?"

He never does it quite right.

[rerant]

They simply say "Have you been touched by Jesus?" and hand me brochures, never acknowledging the fact that I have a plastic guitar over my head like a sword.

"Have you been touched by the Expert Level?!" *smack*

I know, I know, no violence, but I just couldn't help myself.

[ShinyGreenApple]

You should try telling them you're Wiccan or something, that's how I got them to stop trying to get me to rejoin.

We've found that saying Baptist has the same effect

[Peppergirl]

He never does it quite right.

I'd prefer to get all indignant and say 'How the hell do you know about my pool-boy Jesus (hay-seus), and the sexual favors he provides me with? That's none of your GD business!'

[fma_fanatic]

O.o

Being a recovered Mormon, that is not the way to get people interested in learning more. We were taught to just talk about the religion and if the person was interested, we'd send the missionaries around to teach them more.

Sorry you have to deal with these people. I left because I refused to become a baby factory. Not to mention I'd have disappointed any man who wanted to try and impregnate me. I have serious reproductive issues that hinder any chance of having kids. SO and I opted for kitties instead.

[Sharsarannon]

O.o

Being a recovered Mormon, that is not the way to get people interested in learning more. We were taught to just talk about the religion and if the person was interested, we'd send the missionaries around to teach them more.

Sorry you have to deal with these people. I left because I refused to become a baby factory. Not to mention I'd have disappointed any man who wanted to try and impregnate me. I have serious reproductive issues that hinder any chance of having kids. SO and I opted for kitties instead.

Please let's not get this thread moved to fratching. Debating over what is or isn't the doctrine of any religion will probably get it moved, and I must politely point out that some of the things you mention are probably more your personal feelings than necessarily doctrinal standpoints. You're definitely allowed your own opinions, though. *shrug*

And in response to the OP, "Have you been touched by Jesus" isn't the kind of line members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints normally use. Possible you might be under "attack" by another group?
Religious proselyting is usually by well-meaning folks who would like to know if you'd like to hear about their faith- they're not "shoving it down your throat" or whatever.
If you find them annoying, simply politely decline.

[Gurndigarn]

They simply say "Have you been touched by Jesus?" and hand me brochures, never acknowledging the fact that I have a plastic guitar over my head like a sword.

After a few of the people you meet while out on the streets, anime-style poses with plastic guitars isn't necessarily odd enough to register. And as was mentioned, that doesn't sound like a normal mormon approach, either the words or the trying to hand you paper as fast as possible.

You should try telling them you're Wiccan or something, that's how I got them to stop trying to get me to rejoin.

If you leave the church with no intention of returning, formally requesting your name be removed from church records works best, because otherwise, your name stays on the records, which means that you get our loving best until you tell us to sod off. And even then, you stay on the records. Just with a little note passed from one leader to the next of "does not want visits". (It's a nuisance all around, especially when someone tries to find out who these people are years down the road— only to be yelled at by someone who thought they left that church behind years ago. Guess who was a records clerk once upon a time?)

We've found that saying Baptist has the same effect

Baptist probably has a better effect than wiccan. Though if they're mormon and following instructions properly, "Not interested" is enough. (If they're mormon and that's not enough, PM me and I'll point out where to complain so that it is enough.)

Though I must say that I find it... intersting... that every so often a thread here pops up along the lines of "how I got rid of the [insert religion here] missionaries". Let me tell you, very few of the people participating in those threads are as original or creative as they imagine themselves to be.

[Sharsarannon]

Though I must say that I find it... intersting... that every so often a thread here pops up along the lines of "how I got rid of the [insert religion here] missionaries". Let me tell you, very few of the people participating in those threads are as original or creative as they imagine themselves to be.

Usually a simple no thanks is sufficient. Although in our local weather, even if I turn some pair of missionaries from whatever away from our door, it's nice to offer them a bottle of water first- They have to be pretty uncomfortable in nice outfits out in our summer weather.

[PepperElf]

personally when i had my apartment in va i didn't like ANYONE knocking on my door for whatever reason. Unless it was the food i ordered.

the complex was suppose to have a no-solicitation policy but that was always being violated - tho usually by the kids selling magazines for charity/contest.

You should try telling them you're Wiccan or something, that's how I got them to stop trying to get me to rejoin.

My bf would come in handy then. He's a wiccan priest.

but personally i find that a polite smile and "thank you but no" works best. Sometimes they might try to change your mind, but a second polite "no thank you" and it's pretty clear.