My clash with bad parenting

[Victoria J]

I have to admit I was not in a good mood yesterday. I had the day off work (and while I sometimes gnash my teeth about my manager he has always been really really supportive about any personal difficulties) because I'd had to take my mother home from hospital after she had an operation. She's doing OK, but they haven't solved the problem so she'll need to go back - and in the mean time she was woozy, depressed and impossible.

I went down to Marks and Spencers at lunch time for a couple of things she wanted. Maybe a 10 minute walk away. And all goes well until I'm in the queue with my basket in my hand.

A woman with a small buggy pulls into the queue behind me, very tight behind me. About 2 seconds later my basket swings violently forward. I think she's run the buggy into me. I turned my head slightly, kind of the universal indicator for "I felt that!", but leave it at that.

Then it happens again. The child must be kicking the basket. Then it is pulled hard backwards. Each time I turn a bit, but it's stopped and I don't turn right round to confront her.

The fourth time it's pulled back, and it's starting to hurt. I turned right round and there is a little boy in the buggy grinning hugely at me. He actually looks really sweet.

The mother has said/done absolutely nothing throughout all this. I wanted to say something to the child - but that's not a good idea really so I settled to saying what I wanted generally, to both of them. I gave the boy a little smile and then turned to face between him and the mother and said :

"That really isn't funny, that hurts me".

And the mother started snapping at me.

SC - "Well if that's a problem you should move forward" (into a space that opened up while I was speaking".

Me - "I'm sorry ? You came right up behind me, I do not believe that is my responsibility"

SC - "Well he's only 2"

Me - "And his behaviour is your responsibility. I did not say he was being bad, but you should have stopped him grabbing my basket. If you cannot stop him perhaps you should move"

I wanted to say "You are not 2. And if he really cannot be trusted to be within arms reach then you should make sure he is not within arms reach" but she stomped off to another till.

My bad temper showed when I (and I'm embarrassed about this) yelled after her "You had 4 opportunities to say something to him, and you are just a bad mother".

The really heart breaking thing, the thing that really left me fuming and cursing her parenting skills ?

When I turned round and spoke the little boy got this look of perfect understanding on his face. An "Oh, my actions affect someone else, I didn't know" look. It was so clear that actually telling him not to (because "you don't touch other people's stuff" or "you could hurt that lady" would have worked).

From the Simpsons (Ned Flanders ineffectual parents) - "You gotta help us, Doc. We've tried nothing and we're fresh out of ideas!"

Victoria J

[spookysonata]

Uggh, I'm sorry. I just don't understand what goes through the minds of some of these parents. "Wittle pwecious can do no wrong!"

God help me if I turn into that kind of mother.

[ditchdj]

Thank you for showing me EXACTLY why kids in the UK behave so badly in schools there that I heard that teachers can now purchase "assault insurance".

[otakuneko]

Uggh, I'm sorry. I just don't understand what goes through the minds of some of these parents. "Wittle pwecious can do no wrong!"

God help me if I turn into that kind of mother.

I donno about anyone else, but my mother was certainly not that kind of mother.

Oh no, I was a little and she made sure I knew it.

[chainedbarista]

i agree; for those who chant the ever annoying mantra, 'they're too young to understand,' get bent. they understand more than you think, so start teaching them now, now NOW.

never blame a child's age for your lack of parenting skills, oh breeders.

[Kogarashi]

Heck, Baby's only a year and a half old and I already know she understands more than I'd think. When it comes to lessons like that, I just keep repeating the lesson (tell her to stop tugging on the basket, remove her hand from the basket, and ask her to say 'sorry') until it kicks in. And I try to move her out of the way. Suffice it to say, Baby's quite well-behaved in stores, especially when we get to the checkout line.

Of course, I'm not the type to get so close to the person in front of me that they can barely breathe.

[PepperElf]

well obviously she IS a bad parent if she blames *you* for her child's misbehavior.

"My child did wrong? Well it's your fault for being there!" bla bla bla.

so yes, she was being a bad parent. For showing her son that it's OK to blame others instead of apologizing for her & her son's mistakes and behavior.

[Dark-Star]

Thank you for showing me EXACTLY why kids in the UK behave so badly in schools there that I heard that teachers can now purchase "assault insurance".

For a moment I thought you said the US. Then when I saw you didn't, I started wondering how long it'll be.

[Chromatix]

My parents (yes, including my sucky mother) were very pleasantly surprised to see how well-behaved Finnish children are. Parenting seems to be a skill that the locals haven't lost (yet). Let's hope it continues.

Finland also has a decently low crime rate. Most of the "violent crime" is simply extremely drunk people getting out of their own control, and thus hardly counts. Much of the rest is accounted for by foreigners (especially from nearby former Soviet states).

Now, why do I see a connection here?

On the flip side, the railway level-crossing accident rate is pretty poor. But a lot of that has to do with the fact that there are so many unguarded crossings - not even with lights and bells. The state railway is in the process of removing as many of these crossings as they easily can.