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How to help a hospital employee (long)
Background:
So I've been spending some serious amounts of time in the hospital lately thanks to severe upper respiratory infections that won't go away with antibiotics, sinus infections that triggered an allergic reaction to yet another antibiotic and, most recently, burst blood vessels in my calf.
I've gotten to know most of the emergency room staff and security folks by name in the last couple of months.
They like me. Even when I can't breath because my throat is swelling shut or I'm in serious pain from one thing or another, I still crack jokes and try to bring treats when I'm not obviously about to die and having to take an ambulance to get there.
/background
Night before last I burst a few blood vessels in my leg (let me just say "FREAKING OW!!!") and was in pain.
Ok. So the nurses and staff see me barely hobbling through the door, tears on my cheeks from pain, and they bring me a wheelchair so I can sit down and get off my leg. I'm thankful, but it means I can't move myself around. (Not normal wheelchairs, these things can't be easily moved by the person sitting in them. Especially if they're in pain and can't twist their backs or put weight on their legs. Horrible design, but oh well.)
They get my info put in the computer and I'm distracting myself by telling stories of what my kids are doing.
So far, so good.
Then this guy (also in a wheelchair) manages to somehow maneuver himself closer to me.
Normally not a problem. I enjoy interacting with other people when I'm trying to keep my spirits up. But this guy? ... ... Everyone picture a loud, drunk, obnoxious, proselytizing, dirty, unkempt guy, with no teeth and serious BO who thinks he's Deity's gift to all womankind. Got that? Yeah.
So he's being himself... and I ask him politely to please leave me alone, as I'm not interested in talking to him until he sobers up.
Does he listen?
Would I be putting this here if he did?
In between his asinine attempts to "flirt" with a married woman in severe pain... he's pulling the same lines on the staff member who's trying to mop the floor. She's a nice lady. She's been known to hit the vending machine for me when I'm stuck in an ER room waiting for 4 hours to be seen by a doctor on a Saturday night.
She can't say anything to him about leaving her alone because she works there...
I, however, am in pain, pissed at this guy who won't leave me alone, pissed that he's making one of the nicest ladies at the hospital uncomfortable...
So I tell him to leave her alone and that he's not Casanova. When he tries his "Ooo baby, you know you'd want to come home with me. I'm all the man you'd ever need." line on me again... I tell him to leave me alone too.
At which point... he starts cursing at me... in front of small children... while a burly security guy comes strolling past.
I <3 this security guy. He's full of win and awesome.
SG: Hey there, Missus H. This guy bothering you at all?
Me: As a matter of fact, Sarge, he is. He's tossing curse words around like they're beads at Mardi Gras, too.
SG: Sir, I'm gonna' have to ask you to leave the lady alone and quit your cussin'. It's not appropriate.
Not Casanova: Ain't gotta do a G*d damned thing you say, porkie. You ain't even a real cop.
SG: Alright... Time for you to go. Out. Now.
NC: But I ain't been seeeeeeeen yeeeeeeeeeeeet!
SG: You're drunk in public, being a nuisance and harassing the other clients of this hospital. Out. Now. *to me* He is harassing you, Missus H, isn't he? *nodding to me so I can make it official*
Me: *taking the hint* Yes, Sarge, he is.
*SG and the rest of the security crew escort him out of the hospital*
I'm quietly thanked by the ER staff 'cause he'd been harassing them for a few hours before I got there and he's apparently a "regular" in demanding pain meds but usually goes through the whole thing so a Dr can tell him that he's not getting any free dope from them.
I elect to press charges... and I get chocolate from the nursing staff while I'm waiting patiently to be seen by an ER doc.
Ahhh... Victory and chocolate. The only thing that could have made it better would have been getting a Vicodin so the pain would stop making me whimper. Oh wait... I got that too.
I love that hospital...
So I've been spending some serious amounts of time in the hospital lately thanks to severe upper respiratory infections that won't go away with antibiotics, sinus infections that triggered an allergic reaction to yet another antibiotic and, most recently, burst blood vessels in my calf.
I've gotten to know most of the emergency room staff and security folks by name in the last couple of months.
They like me. Even when I can't breath because my throat is swelling shut or I'm in serious pain from one thing or another, I still crack jokes and try to bring treats when I'm not obviously about to die and having to take an ambulance to get there.
/background
Night before last I burst a few blood vessels in my leg (let me just say "FREAKING OW!!!") and was in pain.
Ok. So the nurses and staff see me barely hobbling through the door, tears on my cheeks from pain, and they bring me a wheelchair so I can sit down and get off my leg. I'm thankful, but it means I can't move myself around. (Not normal wheelchairs, these things can't be easily moved by the person sitting in them. Especially if they're in pain and can't twist their backs or put weight on their legs. Horrible design, but oh well.)
They get my info put in the computer and I'm distracting myself by telling stories of what my kids are doing.
So far, so good.
Then this guy (also in a wheelchair) manages to somehow maneuver himself closer to me.
Normally not a problem. I enjoy interacting with other people when I'm trying to keep my spirits up. But this guy? ... ... Everyone picture a loud, drunk, obnoxious, proselytizing, dirty, unkempt guy, with no teeth and serious BO who thinks he's Deity's gift to all womankind. Got that? Yeah.
So he's being himself... and I ask him politely to please leave me alone, as I'm not interested in talking to him until he sobers up.
Does he listen?
Would I be putting this here if he did?
In between his asinine attempts to "flirt" with a married woman in severe pain... he's pulling the same lines on the staff member who's trying to mop the floor. She's a nice lady. She's been known to hit the vending machine for me when I'm stuck in an ER room waiting for 4 hours to be seen by a doctor on a Saturday night.
She can't say anything to him about leaving her alone because she works there...
I, however, am in pain, pissed at this guy who won't leave me alone, pissed that he's making one of the nicest ladies at the hospital uncomfortable...
So I tell him to leave her alone and that he's not Casanova. When he tries his "Ooo baby, you know you'd want to come home with me. I'm all the man you'd ever need." line on me again... I tell him to leave me alone too.
At which point... he starts cursing at me... in front of small children... while a burly security guy comes strolling past.
I <3 this security guy. He's full of win and awesome.
SG: Hey there, Missus H. This guy bothering you at all?
Me: As a matter of fact, Sarge, he is. He's tossing curse words around like they're beads at Mardi Gras, too.
SG: Sir, I'm gonna' have to ask you to leave the lady alone and quit your cussin'. It's not appropriate.
Not Casanova: Ain't gotta do a G*d damned thing you say, porkie. You ain't even a real cop.
SG: Alright... Time for you to go. Out. Now.
NC: But I ain't been seeeeeeeen yeeeeeeeeeeeet!
SG: You're drunk in public, being a nuisance and harassing the other clients of this hospital. Out. Now. *to me* He is harassing you, Missus H, isn't he? *nodding to me so I can make it official*
Me: *taking the hint* Yes, Sarge, he is.
*SG and the rest of the security crew escort him out of the hospital*
I'm quietly thanked by the ER staff 'cause he'd been harassing them for a few hours before I got there and he's apparently a "regular" in demanding pain meds but usually goes through the whole thing so a Dr can tell him that he's not getting any free dope from them.
I elect to press charges... and I get chocolate from the nursing staff while I'm waiting patiently to be seen by an ER doc.
Ahhh... Victory and chocolate. The only thing that could have made it better would have been getting a Vicodin so the pain would stop making me whimper. Oh wait... I got that too.
I love that hospital...
What is it with guys like that? Dude, get a hint, if you want a date, first, take a shower and brush your teeth. Second, stay off the booze and toxic substances. Third, and most importantly, do not chat up a woman who is a) married and b) in excruciating pain. She doesn't need any more pain, TYVM. 
I can PM it.
Still, victory, vicodin and chocolate.
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