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If there's a bright center to the universe, This store's the farthest from it.

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  • If there's a bright center to the universe, This store's the farthest from it.

    I hate Walmart.

    There is a nicer Walmart in town (we have 3 x_x), but it's the farthest away. The one that's 2 miles from my house sucks. They should just give up and rename it Mos Eisley. "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany."

    I usually try to avoid Walmart. There's only three reasons we shop there. 1) I'm looking for deals on Lego sets. 2) It's 11pm and EVERYTHING else is closed. 3) We're trying to hire a ship to take us to Alderaan.

    One night we broke our rules and went there. I really have NO idea why. Maybe it was reason 1, but I think it was because we couldn't find a decent cast iron frying pan in town. Doesn't matter.

    Anyway, I get called over by one of those large (not quite Jabba) old ladies in one of those electric carts. You know the ones with the little basket in front that zip around like pod racers, trying to run you down as they try to make the hard left turn into the twinkie aisle. Her cart wasn't moving.

    Apparently this R2 unit had a bad motivator.

    So she called ME over. I don't work at Walmart (apologies to those who do!). I wasn't in uniform and neither was the wife. She asked me to push her to the front of the store!

    WTF?!? These AREN'T the employees you're looking for!

    I tried to tell her I'd go get an employee and yet she insisted I push her to the front. PUSH her in her little wondercart to the front of the store. She was near the BACK. ME. She did NOT want an employee.

    My wife was just in shock she would ask. I could barely speak. This... this... PERSON had the gall to ask ANOTHER CUSTOMER to push them in their cart to the front. So I took a deep breath and said the first thing that came to my mind.

    "Um... ok."

    Yup. I pushed her to the front of the store. She must have used a Jedi mind trick on me or something.

    Now it wasn't a straight line to the front. We had to make some turns here and there to get from the back right of the store to the front, so she had to steer around aisle and displays. Stopping to point out interesting items to her friend.

    Oh, I didn't mention her friend? Another wrinkled old Yoda lady, but she could walk fine. She couldn't push the cart, but she could have sent her friend to get an EMPLOYEE!

    Anyway, me, former boyscout and padawan pushed her bulk and this heavy landspeeder of hers (I think the brakes turn on automatically when the power's off!) to the front of the store. I'm too nice sometimes.

    We get near the front and she (barely) thanks me. Panting, I walk off, speechless. My wife didn't know if she should bitch at the lady or laugh at me or both. And I think the lady WALKED from the registers to where they store the carts to get a new cart too!

    I don't know. Do I LOOK like I work at every store in existance? Am I TOO nice to tell off a lady in an electric cart? Are people REALLY that rude in Walmart? Am I a little short to be a Stormtrooper?

  • #2
    Mara-chan]So she called ME over. I don't work at Walmart (apologies to those who do!). I wasn't in uniform and neither was the wife. She asked me to push her to the front of the store!
    And you did it?!?!

    I wouldn't. No. Fuck. Ing. Way. Not for all the gold and money in the world and Scarlett Johanson as my personal sex slave.

    Those motorized carts are heavy and tough as hell to push when they're dead. At least the ones at my store are, because the wheels lock right up.

    And with somebody sitting in it? Ha ha, it is to laugh.

    I'd have told her "You're kidding, right?" and booked.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

    Comment


    • #3
      Power scooters and ancient biddies are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

      B
      "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein.
      I never knew how happy paint could make people until I started selling it.

      Comment


      • #4
        I know, I know. I'm ashamed I'm nice. It's the little boyscout in me helping old ladies cross the street. ;_;

        Comment


        • #5
          I got the same problem, so I know how you feel.

          But the side in me *really* wants a blaster sometimes.

          B
          "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein.
          I never knew how happy paint could make people until I started selling it.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
            Not for ... Scarlett Johanson as my personal sex slave.
            Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up a sec there.

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Mara-chan View Post
              "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany."
              Been watchin' "A New Hope" again, eh?
              I don't know why, but Ben standing there and saying, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany. We must be cautious." in an almost monotone has always made me laugh.

              That and the fact it looks like they're overlooking the Tularosa basin....where the missile range is.

              Quoth Mara-chan View Post
              Are people REALLY that rude in Walmart? Am I a little short to be a Stormtrooper?
              Don't get me started. Don't do that. Don't.... Don't.

              And only if you're still talking about the one's that are clones.

              Quoth Fox One View Post
              Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up a sec there.
              Hee, I was wondering who else was going to notice Irv's comment!
              It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Fox One View Post
                Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up a sec there.
                Yeah, let's not be hasty...
                You gotta polish a memory like a stone. Chip off the parts that remind you it was just a game. Work it until it's indistinguishable from any other memory.

                Comment


                • #9
                  So did you cut her arm off with a lightsaber?
                  It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision.
                  -Helen Keller

                  I got this av from Court Records, made by Croik!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hey now, maybe on a different day Jabba would have invited the OP to her Sand Barge for drinks, entertainment, and executions!
                    You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                      ...Scarlett Johanson as my personal sex slave.
                      And exactly where at the front of the store would you like me to push you and this wonderful cart, ma'am?

                      Sorry, Irv, but I think you're wrong on this one.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Sounds to me like they use a permanent-magnet DC motor, and clamp the armature to itself when the power lever is released. That gives you a rather powerful rheostatic brake, given the low gearing on those things.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Gerrinson View Post
                          And exactly where at the front of the store would you like me to push you and this wonderful cart, ma'am?

                          Sorry, Irv, but I think you're wrong on this one.
                          I say you can have her. I think she's kinda average looking.

                          I understand this probably makes me teh ghey or something, but I can think of more attractive women than her.
                          Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                          "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I the SW references. Even got a SW:Ep1:TPM mention in it too!

                            But yeah, too nice! I would be saying "No hablo Jawa".
                            Time! Time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

                            Don't teach me a lesson; all I learn is that you are an asshole.

                            I wish porn had subtitles.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                              I understand this probably makes me teh ghey or something, but I can think of more attractive women than her.
                              Hey, so that's why Scarlet Johansen had a big Johansen!
                              "I call murder on that!"

                              Comment

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