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What exactly is it about me that makes people go all Terrence & Phillip when I'm around?
So I headed out to the clearance swamp in civvies just a little while ago, because it's the super duper uber mega groin-grabbingly gargantuan Lowest Prices of the Season sale, and I needed new work shoes among other things, and thought I would take advantage of prices that won't be this low again until fall after the sale ends next week.
I selected my stuff, chatted briefly with a couple co-workers, and then headed to the checkout, where I waited behind this otherwise unassuming middle-aged lady.
Suddenly I heard a little muffled "mmmrrrrpppp" and thought "I hope that isn't what I think it is."
It was.
And in but a brief moment, the sulfurous, hell-swamp stench was upon me. It smelled as if somebody dumped a dead skunk, a dead cow, and about 50 month-old deviled eggs on the ground and left them to rot and their various stenches to co-mingle.
And I had no place to go. My eyes started to water a bit and I began to fear that the toxic cloud would soon dissolve the flesh from my body, leaving the coroner nothing more to identify me by than my dental records and my well-worn Birkenstock Grandpa Simpson shoes.
Finally, the farter completed her transaction and left (wasn't a check writer/Purse-a-saurus Rex, thank God) and after she was safely out the door I said "I didn't know humans were capable of producing that kind of smell" and started fanning the fumes away with exaggerated arm motions that made the person behind me and the cashier start laughing.
I think I need to start wearing a gas mask everyplace I go if I'm going to be a target for everybody's anal blasts.
So I headed out to the clearance swamp in civvies just a little while ago, because it's the super duper uber mega groin-grabbingly gargantuan Lowest Prices of the Season sale, and I needed new work shoes among other things, and thought I would take advantage of prices that won't be this low again until fall after the sale ends next week.
I selected my stuff, chatted briefly with a couple co-workers, and then headed to the checkout, where I waited behind this otherwise unassuming middle-aged lady.
Suddenly I heard a little muffled "mmmrrrrpppp" and thought "I hope that isn't what I think it is."
It was.
And in but a brief moment, the sulfurous, hell-swamp stench was upon me. It smelled as if somebody dumped a dead skunk, a dead cow, and about 50 month-old deviled eggs on the ground and left them to rot and their various stenches to co-mingle.And I had no place to go. My eyes started to water a bit and I began to fear that the toxic cloud would soon dissolve the flesh from my body, leaving the coroner nothing more to identify me by than my dental records and my well-worn Birkenstock Grandpa Simpson shoes.
Finally, the farter completed her transaction and left (wasn't a check writer/Purse-a-saurus Rex, thank God) and after she was safely out the door I said "I didn't know humans were capable of producing that kind of smell" and started fanning the fumes away with exaggerated arm motions that made the person behind me and the cashier start laughing.
I think I need to start wearing a gas mask everyplace I go if I'm going to be a target for everybody's anal blasts.
I laughed pretty hard. It was very funny Irv, especially with the imagery you gave us. 
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