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So here it is, 11:00pm and I'm heading off to work at St. [bleep] Hospital and I'm stopping into the Mart of Wall to get dinner and a screwdriver kit that I need for work.
I got tired of borrowing the other tech's tools.
I get the driver set and I'm heading towards the grocery section to get a jar of Hamburger-sliced pickles and a box of White Castle (Mmmmm...Sliders). As I'm heading towards the freezer case I'm stopped by a woman who wants to know where the syrup is.
Now up to this point I'm thinking that this is just one of the many times I'm asked something since I look non-threatening (little do they know) and I look like I'm knowledgeable.
Well I'm not sure where it is so I'm looking up at the signs at the end of the rows to see where it might be. The woman gets huffy and mumbles "worthless fuck" under her breath (I have very good hearing) and walks off.
I shrug and think to myself the line from Family Guy's Blue Harvest episode where Luke/Chris rescues Leia/Lois from the death star and she insults him. "Well sit here and rot you stuck-up bitch".
I continue my path to Slider Goodness when I hear the anal-swelling twat monkey complaining about "the worthless fucktard of an employee who couldn't find the syrup if it was up his ass!" to someone whom I assumed (correctly) was a manager type. I decide to grab my rat-burgers and make a fast getaway to the checkout lanes.
Sadly however as I was sneaking towards freedom I hear "There he is! That's the prick!" Manager calls for me to stop and the look on her face was priceless. One look at me and she knew that I wasn't one of her drones and she now had to face the daunting task of telling the douche-nozzle that I didn't work there.
"Fire his worthless ass! I want to see him leave here in shame! If you can't hire people with the intelligence to know where things are in his store I want this moron starving on the streets!"
Not an exaggeration sadly, word for goddamn word. This woman was a wonderful example of a person brimming over with the milk of human kindness...after it's been sitting on the shelf for three months...on the counter...in the summer...in Arizona.
Now everyone here should know that the traditional color of the Walmart uniform is a Blue Blouse or a Blue Polo Shirt. I was wearing a gray polo, and my ID badge for St [bleep] Hospital. This is why the manager knew she was in for a screaming match with this Bitchzilla.
Manager points out the fact that I do not work here, twat-waffle counters that I do, I'm wearing the polo shirt and wearing an ID badge like the rest of the Walmart employees. Manager counter-counters with the fact that I'm wearing the wrong color, that the lanyard has St [bleep] Hospital embroidered on it, the self-winding cord that the badge is attached to has St [bleep] Hospital on it and the ID Badge has St [Bleep] Hospital on it and lists my profession as a PC technician.
Woman splutters and rants and raves and complains that I was rude. "Really?" I thought to myself, "I just thought I was an incompetent twit." What I really tell her is...
"Ma'am. If you want rude, I'll gladly give you rude. I think you are an unlikeable person who has nothing better to do than to be a total cunt to anyone who isn't willing to lock their lips to your sphincter. Might I suggest lightening up a little and buying a vibrator? I'd suggest getting laid to relax, but until you stop being such a fucking bitch you're never going to get a boyfriend (no ring so I doubt she was married) unless you find some spineless milk-sop who can only get it up to someone in studded leather wielding a bullwhip, branding irons and grinding six-inch heels into their crotch."
At which I turned and walked away. The woman's face was a look of total shock and horror and the manager had this look of "oh please GAWD! Do not let me laugh out loud in front of this person or I am so screwed."
OY!
I got tired of borrowing the other tech's tools.
I get the driver set and I'm heading towards the grocery section to get a jar of Hamburger-sliced pickles and a box of White Castle (Mmmmm...Sliders). As I'm heading towards the freezer case I'm stopped by a woman who wants to know where the syrup is.
Now up to this point I'm thinking that this is just one of the many times I'm asked something since I look non-threatening (little do they know) and I look like I'm knowledgeable.
Well I'm not sure where it is so I'm looking up at the signs at the end of the rows to see where it might be. The woman gets huffy and mumbles "worthless fuck" under her breath (I have very good hearing) and walks off.
I shrug and think to myself the line from Family Guy's Blue Harvest episode where Luke/Chris rescues Leia/Lois from the death star and she insults him. "Well sit here and rot you stuck-up bitch".
I continue my path to Slider Goodness when I hear the anal-swelling twat monkey complaining about "the worthless fucktard of an employee who couldn't find the syrup if it was up his ass!" to someone whom I assumed (correctly) was a manager type. I decide to grab my rat-burgers and make a fast getaway to the checkout lanes.
Sadly however as I was sneaking towards freedom I hear "There he is! That's the prick!" Manager calls for me to stop and the look on her face was priceless. One look at me and she knew that I wasn't one of her drones and she now had to face the daunting task of telling the douche-nozzle that I didn't work there.
"Fire his worthless ass! I want to see him leave here in shame! If you can't hire people with the intelligence to know where things are in his store I want this moron starving on the streets!"
Not an exaggeration sadly, word for goddamn word. This woman was a wonderful example of a person brimming over with the milk of human kindness...after it's been sitting on the shelf for three months...on the counter...in the summer...in Arizona.
Now everyone here should know that the traditional color of the Walmart uniform is a Blue Blouse or a Blue Polo Shirt. I was wearing a gray polo, and my ID badge for St [bleep] Hospital. This is why the manager knew she was in for a screaming match with this Bitchzilla.
Manager points out the fact that I do not work here, twat-waffle counters that I do, I'm wearing the polo shirt and wearing an ID badge like the rest of the Walmart employees. Manager counter-counters with the fact that I'm wearing the wrong color, that the lanyard has St [bleep] Hospital embroidered on it, the self-winding cord that the badge is attached to has St [bleep] Hospital on it and the ID Badge has St [Bleep] Hospital on it and lists my profession as a PC technician.
Woman splutters and rants and raves and complains that I was rude. "Really?" I thought to myself, "I just thought I was an incompetent twit." What I really tell her is...
"Ma'am. If you want rude, I'll gladly give you rude. I think you are an unlikeable person who has nothing better to do than to be a total cunt to anyone who isn't willing to lock their lips to your sphincter. Might I suggest lightening up a little and buying a vibrator? I'd suggest getting laid to relax, but until you stop being such a fucking bitch you're never going to get a boyfriend (no ring so I doubt she was married) unless you find some spineless milk-sop who can only get it up to someone in studded leather wielding a bullwhip, branding irons and grinding six-inch heels into their crotch."
At which I turned and walked away. The woman's face was a look of total shock and horror and the manager had this look of "oh please GAWD! Do not let me laugh out loud in front of this person or I am so screwed."
OY!
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