Take 1 Autistic Child with an obssessive streak, put her in a grocery store ...

[CaroPhoenix]

... and you get me in the sighting category, sighting myself.

Took Child Rum first to Home Depot to buy spray paint to finish up the little set of table and chairs we bought at a yard sale the day before. Plus, she has a wooden table that needs to be sanded and we're going to paint that too so more primer (big table) and more spray paint.

Then we went to Toys R Us. Got her the bongos she's been asking for. (Mother Rum flipped her lid about that, but that's another story).

Then we went to Wegman's - a grocery store near Toys R Us. Tried to keep Child Rum next to me by trying to get her interested in helping me pick out groceries.

She'd have none of it.

She wanted a new toothbrush (she already has one) and "Thomas toothpaste" (she already has Little Bear Toothpaste and I said she can't get any more until she is done with her current toothpaste).

She ran from me 3 times. Me panicing the entire time. At one point, I left my buggy off to the side, grabbed Child Rum's hand was about to find Mr. Rum to go back to the car and drive back to Toys R Us to return the bongos, but Mr. Rum stopped me. Child Rum was screaming about toothpaste and toothbrushes. People were looking at me because that's all she could talk about. After another 5 minutes of her obssessing, he took her back out to the car to play with the bongos and I finished my shopping in peace. *le sigh*

[NightWatch]

You handled that rather well. Sure your kid was misbehaving, but it's not like you were ignoring her and pretending it wasn't happening. You handled it like any reasonable parent should. Go you for being an awesome parent! Kids get tired/grouchy/hungry/etc. That doesn't make it your fault. *gives cookie*

[Peppergirl]

(Mother Rum flipped her lid about that, but that's another story).

Uh ohs. Am I gonna have to bash mother rum again?

[PepperElf]

heh. sounds like the bongos came in handy too =)

[Shpepper]

I believe that you need to send Child rum to mother rum with the bongos and tell her to play them for a long time. Tis not mother rums business what you chose to give Child Rum and Bongos actually sound like a good thing. Rhythmic and might even be soothing for her.

You were AWESOME Rummy. Didn't let Child Rum get away with things and kept the structure there as best you could.


As for Mother Rum

[CaroPhoenix]

Long story short: We bought Child Rum a little table and chairs (so her dollies can have a tea party) from a yard sale for a dollar. Mr. Rum sanded, primered & spray painted the table and chairs (it was his weekend project). Well, later that night, Child Rum touched the still-wet table and got paint/primer all over her hands. I called my mom to see if she had anything/any ideas to get the paint off her hands. My mom went off on how I was a horrible mother and that Child Rum is going to die because the paint was going to seep into her blood and kill her.

End of background.

Mother Rum thought that by us buying her the bongos, we were "rewarding" Child Rum for doing something naughty.

Did everyone get that?

This is the type of thing I have to live with. Fortunately we're moving next year (due to the Base Realignment And Closures) Mr. Rum is being sent to Fort Meade, Maryland.

I used to be sad at the prospect of moving from my family. Now I'm looking forward to it.

As for the toothbrush and toothpaste. Mr. Rum had Child Rum put the toothbrush & toothpaste in the shopping buggy, and then after they left and I was in the checkout line, I handed them to the cashier and said I didn't want them any longer. And Child Rum hasn't asked about them since.

[iradney]

Dude, bongo drums are AWESOME!! And how the heck is Child Rum gonna associate getting the drums with touching wet paint? It's not like you gave em to her immediately after the event. She's probably thinking "BONGO DRUMS! COOL!" *jealous*



*never got bongo drums as a kid and has never recovered from the trauma*

[persephone]

Like Rads said, if you had given them to her RIGHT after she touched the paint, maybe. But children's minds don't work like that and a lot of them have very short term memories -- children like Child Rum that get so fixated even more so -- meaning that she probably didn't even remember the paint thing when you went to get the bongos. She wouldn't have equated it.

Also, you did good in the grocery store. My mother is a special education teacher and has had some autistic children. What you did -- putting the toothpaste in the cart to quiet her, sending her out to distract her and then just putting the tooth paste back -- is sometimes the only thing you can do. And it sounds like it worked just fine -- it's better than blaming an employee or something.

[CaroPhoenix]

Rads - What I forgot to type in my story is that as we put the bongo drums in the cart, both Mr. Rum & I said "This is a reward for touching the paint last night." <-- sarcasm.

I'd let you play with Child Rum's bongo drums, but she won't even let me touch them and I'm her Mommy!

[katie kaboom]

Fortunately we're moving next year (due to the Base Realignment And Closures) Mr. Rum is being sent to Fort Meade, Maryland.

My fiance and I will be victims of BRAC too. He's being sent to Aberdeen Proving Ground sometime next year.

[Dreamstalker]

Dude, bongo drums are AWESOME!! And how the heck is Child Rum gonna associate getting the drums with touching wet paint? It's not like you gave em to her immediately after the event. She's probably thinking "BONGO DRUMS! COOL!" *jealous*

I know I would...hell, when I managed to do something "bad" that actually ended up in me getting something fun, all I cared about was the new shiny.

[4love]

Mr. Rum is being sent to Fort Meade, Maryland.

Cool! That's near-ish to me!

[Toujin]

As an Aspie myself, I know how difficult autism in general can be on parents. Children with autism tend to see the world *very* differently. What most people consider normal, they might see as strange and frightening. They tend to be focused on routine and don't like sudden change or surprises. And they tend to have narrow interests that border on obsession.

Rum, you did a good job. The bongos probably helped Child Rum release some of that pent-up energy, too.

[CaroPhoenix]

Toujin - exactly! Child Rum seems to be obssessed with Huggies swimming diapers and the toothpaste for children (the kind that is safe to swallow). She knows they are sold at like Wal-Mart, Target, grocery stores, etc. She wants them. Has to have them. I try to explain to her ... but ... it's hard.

She's a good girl. She really is, but she's not like other children.

When I got up at 6 AM this morning, she woke up too (she heard me making morning noises) and first thing after going potty, she played her bongos.

During school hours, I put together the barbie house I also got her at the yard sale on Saturday. I added a pool, a sofa, and 2 dolls. She seems to like that just as much as the bongos.

And thank you to everyone else who has posted. I'm beginning to not feel so bad. But it's just ... at that moment in the grocery store. My daughter is sitting in the middle of the aisle, crying over toothbrushes and toothpaste and people are glaring at her, whispering just loud enough around me, giving me dirty looks .... I just want to rip everyone's faces off so I get angry at myself ... does that make sense?

[Food Lady]

It totally makes sense; it's human to sometimes turn the anger in on ourselves. Fight it by stating the truths: "Little rum isn't like other kids, but she's a good kid. She needs different care." "These people are judgemental; they are making a judgement about a situation they know nothing about." "I must a great mom because I can handle this unusual situation. I'm solution-oriented."