Tipping situation - advice?

[sixums]

I don't want to turn this into a fratching thing, I just want to know if I was considered sucky. I know that in no way was my friend trying to insult me, I'm just a little embarrassed.

My best friend who lives in upstate NY came to visit me at school in Maine for the weekend. Saturday night we went to my favorite chinese/thai restaurant in the area because they serve a variety of soy meat dishes. As a vegetarian I appreciate this and their general tsao's soy chicken is to DIE for. She was incredibly impressed with their menu, and ended up enjoying my dish more than her beef dish, which I was pretty proud of.

The meal was great, there were only a couple of things that made me feel awkward. First was the fact that despite there only being two occupied tables in the whole rather large dining area, they seated us next to a tray that contained a heaping serving tray of dirty dishes. I know this isn't sucky, but it made me vaguely uncomfortable because no one came to take it away until 3/4 of the way into our meal. They weren't trying to keep us seperated from the other diners so we could have our privacy, because we were a table away from a family with small children. One of the servers had taken another table to do roll ups of silverware and it still sat there. I just found it odd and a little offputting.

The other thing was our waiter. He was a generally nice guy, except for when my friend and I both heard our phones beep. She was messaging her girlfriend on her blackberry, and I had a text message on mine. He was setting down our appetizers at the time and jumped on us at that point, pointing out his own (not sucky). Then, he pulled out a couple of business cards and told us he helped people get deals on their cellphone contracts. My friend did most of the talking, as she knows that I get extremely uncomfortable in sales situations, but he wouldn't leave us alone. He kept asking if our bills were too high, and I just wanted to be left alone so we could eat our appetizers in peace. All in all he spent a total of 5 minutes telling us how he could get us a great deal.

Other than that, we had a great time. Fun conversation, delicious food. He brought us our check and we split it, and then it came time for the tip. We both paid with card, so we both wrote our tips. I had no problem with what I gave until she pointed it out to me. I'd given him 15%, she'd given him 25%. She asked if that was what I tipped on average, and I told her anywhere from 15-20 for service where the server does their job but isn't overly friendly with me. When I have a server who actually seems to be pleasant, I spend 25%.

While she wasn't mean about it, she did get on my case about it. She's worked as a server in the past and told me that under no circumstances could a waitperson live on 15% anymore. They couldn't even live on 18 or 20, and she said anything less than that was a flat out insult to the server. I was extremely embarrassed at that point and felt like I should change the tip. I didn't want the waiter to be insulted, but I also felt like he didn't really deserve it. He was basically soliciting us at his other job, and I don't think that's appropriate in a dining situation. I didn't want cellphone service, I wanted to eat. She said I had a point, but I still should have given more, and it didn't really help.

I don't want to be a bad customer, because I eat out often and I've read far too many horror stories. I'm always polite and always try to tip appropriately, but maybe my scale is off. Should I start tipping more on average? If this is utter fratching territory, feel free to close this thread, I'm just really confused.

[LillFilly]

You gave him the minimum; you didn't stiff him, and he DID interrupt your dinner for a sales pitch. That was sucky on his part. I guess let your friend know it's your business how much you tip.

[Andara Bledin]

I'm not in the industry, but I haven't heard of any announcement that suddenly 15% is far too low to be the standard amount for a tip.

And, considering that the guy has a whole sideline that he's pimping and lessening his proficiency at doing his regular job, I don't think he has to worry about not making enough at his waiter job.

Besides, he was giving not-quite standard service; 15% might be considered generous.

^-.-^

[Amina516]

Well with the food prices going up, wouldnt the customary 15% also rise? I honestly dont know for sure. But it makes sense.

I dont think your friend should have lectured you on tipping. The tip is your business and you gave what you felt was fair, considering the service.

[South Texan]

Count me as one who has been a waiter and still says 15% is fine.

The waiter should be thankful my father was not the patron. He was raised to believe 10% was more than enough. I also had two great aunts who grew up in the depression, and until they died, left a quarter as a tip no matter what the bill might have been because that was what they had been taught was sufficient. Luckily, they rarely ate out.

[Cat]

I generally tip 20%, but if I got a sales pitch, I'd tip 15%. You didn't sound sucky at all.

Now, on to important matters, where is this place that serves soy chicken?? I'm veg too and that sounds divine Also a New Englander!

[MaggieTheCat]

I agree with everyone so far who says you're fine. First of all, what you tip is your business, not your friend's, and second, the waiter did detract from the meal and my husband and I would not have tipped quite as high as we normally do if he'd done that to us. We actually had a similar situation once where right after our server gave us our entrees, he proceeded to make small talk with us for 5 minutes, with us politely smiling and nodding and our food getting cold. We emailed corporate about it, but never got a response. It wasn't that big of a deal, just irritating.

[rageaholic]

If there is anything I hate, it's persistant sales people who don't know the meaning of no! No matter how nice of a waiter he was, that was a very crappy thing of him to do, especially since he's using the waiter job as a way to market his business.

I think you were generious in even giving 15%.

[sixums]

Now, on to important matters, where is this place that serves soy chicken?? I'm veg too and that sounds divine Also a New Englander!

I'll PM you!

Thanks for the support, guys. She did apologize and didn't want me to think she was trying to insult me, but I can't help but feel awkward when I go out to eat with her now. She also said she should have considered giving him less after the sales pitch, because it was really inappropriate. I try to always tip 15 unless they're really awful, and sometimes more because my boyfriend is an absolutely terrible tipper.

[trunks2k]

You gave him a standard tip, so there's no problem there you didn't act sucky at all.
If anything you were over generous. Given the whole cell phone thing, he would have been lucky to get 10% from me. That's just totally not appropriate.

I know this is getting towards fratching territory, but the "standard tip" is slowly climbing. I think the idea of a 18-20% or else it's insulting is silly. I've always been taught 15% is appropriate for normal service. I normally give somewhere between 15 and 20% standard depending on the service and how lazy I feel. If the service was decent, and I'm feeling lazyish, I'll take the bill, knock off the change, move the decimal point over one spot then double it. For example, $16.35 is a $3.20 tip which is just under 20%. The best way to get more than 15% from me is to give me a bill that is not easy for me to calculate 15%

My tip guideline:

>20% if the server was great.
a bit under 20% if the server was decent and I'm too lazy to figure out 15%.
15% For normal service
10% If the service was lacking, i.e. was served ok otherwise except there was a big problem (i.e. the cell phone thing).
5% For poor service, but I at least got my food in a somewhat reasonable time frame.
0% For outstandingly poor service - I've only been tempted to do this once but I'd have been punishing the wrong person in that particular case.

[Red_Dazes]

Everyone else has said it...but I'll add my 2 cents. what you tipped was FINE. I normally try and leave 20-25% for good service... but when the service is lacking 15% is as high as I'll go.

[bainsidhe]

There were two sucky things in this thread:

1) The sales pitch. Never ever ever should you be bombarded with a sales pitch from your server (unless he's promoting some awesome desserts ) You were a captive audience and a guest. You were NOT there to sign up for cell phone service. A manager should have been informed or a note sent to the owner at a later date. Inexcusable.

2) The lecture about tipping. Talking about tipping and tipping stories is fine. Critiquing my tipping is not. How much I tip is nobody's business but mine and the server's. I hate hate hate when people ask "How much are you paying/tipping?" Sometimes it's to get an idea of what's an appropriate tip. Usually it's because my friend (one in particular) has a set idea of how much the server should be tipped in total and she will increase/lower her tip according to how generous I am (usually lower ). What's more, if I'm with people I don't know real well, I despise having people judge my tip and how "cheap" or "generous" I am. Tipping is a personal thing and I don't want others critiquing or judging me based on their own personal tipping habits. /vent off.

Point is, tip what you feel is best. Some people wouldn't have tipped at all and others, like your friend, tip generously regardless of service. It's your decision.

[SteveZim1017]

20% for me on average 1. because my mother was a waitress and 2.) its just easier to figure out. take the total bill, move the decimal over once and double it.

I very rarely deviate and when I do its not on a percentage, if you were really really bad i'll take out a few bucks, if you were amazing I'll throw a few more in.

[Peppergirl]

Ok - I think you were perfectly reasonable here. The sales pitch was uncalled for, and your friend shouldn't have lectured you about the tip, since you tipped 15 percent.

However, I have to respectfully disagree with the 'your tip - your business' comments.

Don't get me wrong - In this particular case, the friend was unreasonable. 15 percent was more than enough considering the 'sales pitch' blunder. But I have been to dinner/lunch with friends who were shitty tippers, and by shitty - I mean *embarassingly* low. And the service was good. There are two people in particular that I refuse to dine with anymore because their tipping practices appalled me.

So I guess what I'm saying is that, in some cases, it's appropriate to speak up about a friend's tipping practices - just not in this case.

[Samaliel]

If I ever go to the US, I'll need someone to remind me that the tip is the bigger source of income for the waiters...

Here, there already is a 15% gratuity included in every advertised prices. The only exception I can think of is in the case where you order and eat at the counter: the price might be lower, because the waiter doesn't have to bring it to your table, and therefore the service gratuity is not included.