Train Passenger

[Legal Eagle]

Yesterday night i and the girlfriend got on a train last night. We had come back on the ferry from Dublin (in Ireland) and were getting a train that travels from Holyhead (the port in Wales) to Crewe (in England) with several stops on route both in Wales and England. Following this? good. on with the story.

WARNING: Not actual words as mmuhh teeeekat? guuuh is quite hard to understand

D: Guy who is asleep on his seat
C: Conductor

C: (To D) excuse me sir! sir! excuse me sir!
D: (Waking up) whiuwh
C: Sorry to wake you sir, but i need to see your ticket
D: guh?
(at this point i realise he's drunk, stoned, something)
C: I just need to see your ticket sir
D: OK ticket?
C: yes sir your rail ticket
D: OK Ticket?
C: yes sir your ticket, do you have it?
D: ticket (tries to look in his pockets but keeps missing) ticket
C: Do you have a ticket sir?
D: ticket, yeah i give you my ticket OK
C: Sir you still need to give me your ticket
D: OK (starts to search but falls asleep)
C: sir, sir, wake up please
D: Guh?
C: Sir do you know where you're going?
D: Dublin, yeah?
C: Dublin?
D: Dublin Ok
C: Sir this train doesn't go to Dublin
D: OK
C: Sir where are you going?
D: Wheres the Dublin train?
C: No trains go to Dublin
D: OK
C: Sir do you know where you're going?
D: England
C: England?
D: Yeah England OK
C: Where in England?
D: England, is this the england train?
C: Sir i need to know where in England
D: OK (falls asleep)

The conductor telss us as we're sat a few seats away that she'll radio fro the transport police to pick him up at the next station so as to not delay the train, it's a pity the next station was also ours as we only saw the police get on, not what happened next.

[Rapscallion]

What are the chances that he was the guest of honour at a stag do and ended up on a train in entirely the wrong country?

It's happened before...

Rapscallion

[repsac]

From "District Dave", 11 June 2002. (Dave is a London Underground Train Driver on the District Line. Some of these stories are his. Others, I don't know)

On Sunday evening I was 'doing' Wimbledon - Edgware Roads. Nice and quiet, so having fun using the Westinghouse brake. I arrived at Edgware Road and, having shut down, I was leaving the cab. A concerned couple came up to me - "Sorry to trouble you, but there's a man in there (indicating the car behind the cab) who's collapsed. We
think he's breathing but we're not sure". I thanked them and went to investigate.

I entered the car and, sure enough, there was a guy of about 30ish sprawled across two seats. (Loud voice) "Wake up' mate - this is as far as we go!" No response. Tried again - same result. I rapped on partition glass with my Control Key (this usually works) - nothing. Last resort - blew guards whistle I carry for the purpose close to right ear - eyes opened (very drunkenly).

"Where are you going?" I enquired. Mumbled indecipherable response. Repeated question - same result. On the fourth attempt I made out "Tel Aviv". I (trying to keep a straight face) responded "Sorry - this train only goes to Wimbledon and you're at Edgware Road right now". Blank expression from passenger. "You could try Heathrow - that'll start you off in the right direction" Blank expression and more indecipherable comments. Eventually I made out "but David Ben Gurion needs my help" to which I replied (remembering vaguely that he'd died in about 1954), "Well, I don't think you'll find him at Edgware Road!".

With that, he hauled himself to a sitting position, but made no effort to leave the train. He seemed OK, so I left him. He must have got off somewhere, as he'd gone by the time I changed ends at Wimbledon.

It's things like that that make your day!

And this, is by far my favorite:

A driver based at Northfields (Piccadilly Line), when there was a trainman's depot there, was in a mischievous mood one day and stood, at the start of his duty, waiting to pick up his train at Northfields station carrying a white stick and wearing dark glasses. When the train arrived, he tap-tapped his way up to the front of the train, rattling his stick against the platform and the sides of the cars, relieved the driver, stepped into the cab and drove away. Some complaints were later received at 55 Broadway from aggrieved passengers about employing blind drivers and the associated safety risks. Needless to say, the driver, whose name was Fred and who was one of the most skilled and reliable drivers at Northfields, got sent "up the road" (disciplined) for this little escapade.

[Shacky Whacky]

"but David Ben Gurion needs my help"

That, along with the Tel Aviv comment makes me believe he might have been reading too many "Left Behind" books.

[AFpheonix]

....I don't think David Ben Gurion was in the Left Behind series....