If you're going to pig out on my food, then it would be nice if you'd contribute...

[MaggieTheCat]

My husband and I host a gaming day every Sunday for a group of friends of ours. Usually we play D&D or another tabletop RPG, but sometimes we play board games or video games. I always make food for everyone, too, usually some kind of soup or casserole for lunch that feeds a crowd, and cookies or similar for dessert.

I always ask everyone to bring something to pass, as well. I don't care what. I always email everyone and let them know what I'm planning on making and will tell them if I want something specific to go with it (for example, if I make chili, I'll ask for someone to bring cheese and sour cream and crackers.) Otherwise I leave it up to them, usually everyone brings either chips and dip or some other snacky thing, or soda.

Except one guy, K.

I've talked about K in the past. He's already annoyed me for other reasons. For one thing, he ALWAYS shows up late. And I don't mean just a little late. We always meet at noon. We're lucky if K shows up at 1:30. It's usually closer to 2:00 or after. If we're playing a tabletop RPG, this means we usually have to wait for him to start. And one of our other players has a study group at 5 so he can only play till 4:30 or so. K is also a pretty poor roleplayer. He likes to dungeon crawl, but he doesn't really know how to actually role play.

Lately (and I mean the last 6 months or so) he hasn't brought anything to pass, ever. He always brings stuff for HIMSELF, like a couple of sodas or a small bag of chips. But he never brings anything for the group. He also eats more than anyone else in the group, usually having seconds or thirds of whatever I make.

Today really cheesed me off. My husband and I have dinner plans tonight for Valentine's Day, so I decided I wasn't going to make a full meal like I usually do. Instead, I just made a batch of BBQ chicken wings and a batch of cookies. I specifically told the guys, TWICE, in my emails that I wasn't really making lunch, I was only making snacks, so they should bring their own food or eat lunch before coming over.

K showed up at about 1:55, as per usual. He proceeded to eat about 3/4 of the chicken wings (I made around 24 or 26; my husband and I had 2 each, our other friend didn't have any, and there are 4 left.), half the cookies, and several handfuls of pretzels that he found on our counter, which we didn't even offer him. He just grabbed the bag and started munching. He also asked what I had cooking in the crockpot (homemade applesauce) and if he could have any of that! (No, because it's not done yet.)

I'm really sick and tired of him, period. I wish there was a way we could kick him out of the group, but I'm too nice and he's a friend/co-worker of my husband's so I don't want to be mean. My husband is going to tell him that he has to either bring something every week, or contribute a couple bucks if he wants to partake in the food I make.

[mikoyan29]

I used to host gaming at my place and I usually provide pop. There was one person who would always stop at McDonald's beforehand and just get the burgers and no drink. It was pretty annoying but I never really said anything. apparently someone else said it for me.

[Sapphire Silk]

If you're playing an RPG like D&D, why are you waiting for this guy to get there to start your game?

My GM will usually try to accommodate my schedule, but if I were not to show up on time, he would not wait for me. He'd be pretty upset in fact, as that kind of habitual lateness is incredibly rude.

Given that other players have to leave at certain times, that makes K's behavior even worse.

The group should confront him: either come on time, or don't come. At the very least expect your character to be busy doing something else and we'll reintegrate him into what the rest of the characters are doing as the story permits. If he doesn't like it, he can arrive on time.

Don't leave it to your husband, and don't confront him yourself. His behavior is affecting everyone. Show a united front and let him know his behavior is unacceptable.

And tell him, if he doesn't contribute, he can't eat the food you prepare. He is taking advantage of your hospitality. He will not stop as long as you condone it by allowing it.

[Mystic]

Oh how I wished we had more gamers in our area. I miss the long nights of gaming into the wee hours of the morning and both my wife and I are pretty deep into it. For the moment been playing Descent and Arkham Horror lately.

Anyway, to your problem. You need to talk to him as a group and let the issues be known. It may be he doesn't have the money for snacks to bring. If that's the case, maybe you guys can work something out. If not, you need to either have him throw in money for food or start bringing his own, or flat out ban him from eating any of what is brought.

As for being late... the group needs to let him know that he needs to show up on time or not at all. There will be no more waiting around for him and once the game is started, he's shit out of luck to join in. Let him know that the game starts at XX:XX time and that any players not that at start will not be able to join in. Make it a new official rule of gaming day.

Thinking on that, if you don't want to be the bad guy in this persons eyes, one thing you can do is write up a list of rules after the game is over next week and everyone can pitch in on what the rules should be, voting on them if need be. Then have everyone sign said rule sheet and make copies for everyone so no one has any excuses (even if this is just a show for the one guy, it will also make everyone else aware of any issues that may arise in the future). That is certainly the route I would take in this situation.

[MergedLoki]

All my group's ever done (although we can't ever get together nowadays usually lol). is if a certain player is late or can't make it. fine. we just have that character NOT come along on a paticular adventure or quest or whatever.

and if they show up late, at the soonest possible moment (that makes sense) bring them into the game. It's their loss in exp, and time w/friends and the whole RP experience.

1 person shouldn't hold up the entire group.

[Hanzoku]

I agree, start on time and tell him that if he wants to be included, he needs to show up. If you're feeling nice, run his character as a DM-PC until he shows up, but otherwise have his character be 'mysteriously ill' for the session if he isn't there on time or hasn't said ahead of time that he can't make it.

And yah, refuse him food rights as well. He eats the most and contributes the least - no food for you without chipping in a good portion of the food or some money.

I wouldn't worry too much about being the bad guys in his eyes. I know you want to be nice, but you are going to the effort and time of hosting and organizing these gaming sessions, and he's taking advantage of your good nature, patience and generosity.

[MaggieTheCat]

It may be he doesn't have the money for snacks to bring.

Not a chance. Like I said, my husband works with him, so knows him pretty well. This guy buys plenty of food at work, usually going out to lunch every day of the week (most people, including my husband, go out to lunch about 2 days a week.) He buys stuff on a whim. I'm not saying any of this is wrong, but he has plenty of money.

Regarding start time, I'm thinking that, as the host AND the current DM, I might email everyone and let them know that I'd like to be able to start our games at 1:00. That gives everyone time to eat lunch (if they get here around noon or a little after) and for us to recap what's going on. The problem is, is that NO ONE is really ever on time. The other guy who showed up yesterday, T, usually comes between 12:15-12:30, which isn't bad, but our other player, J, comes around 1:00. I can cut J a more slack, though, because he works until 2am Sunday morning (K works 9-6 M-F so he doesn't have any excuse, other than "Man, I stayed up til 5am playing Bio Shock last night!") We only have 4 players (T who's usually pretty well on time, J who's somewhat late, K who's very late, and my husband who, well, lives here, so he's always on time. ) so if two of them are missing, it makes it harder to roleplay. And I don't want to push the time back to something like 2:00 because like I said in my first post, T usually leaves between 4-4:30 to go to his study group.

[MaggieTheCat]

So, my husband had already emailed K last night to basically let him know that we were pretty upset with him for showing up 2 hours late and pigging out on our food while not bringing anything. K responded by whining (my husband's word) that he didn't know when to show up (excuse me, we have been playing at noon for the last 8 months), thought everyone else had already eaten their share so the rest was fair game, and that he didn't know what to bring other than beer. Which he knows perfectly well my husband and I won't drink.

Apparently he did apologize for being a lousy guest, though, for whatever that's worth.

[Amina516]

Apparently he did apologize for being a lousy guest, though, for whatever that's worth.

Its at least worth something, but keep to your word. No food without contribution and no playing without timeliness.

[Sunsetsky]

Wow. There was twice I didn't bring food to our DnD sessions (forgot the food at home once and didn't have any money due to an unexpected incident the second time). I felt horrible both those times about it and apologized profusely.

As for being late, our group is pretty good about being on time. Usually if someone is absent the DM will play the absent person's character or have another player do it (I'm not usually thrilled about another player playing my character unless it's my fiance but eh...).

But if he's constantly late then I would just start without him and have his character tag along or just don't let him play when he finally arrives.

[Kiwi]

I had a friend like this in highschool, we called her the vulture.

[Pedersen]

Man, everybody is missing out on the one way to ensure that your players will be there on time, every time. It's simple, and it works.

The DM keeps copies of all character sheets at all times. The game starts at a specific time. All characters will be present and played. Any character without its player present gets temporarily renamed to "trap finder and troll baiter". Said name sticks until the player shows up. Once player does show up, he/she gets to find out all the fun things the character learned, and play resumes.

People will be late until the first time their character gets renamed.

[LadyAndreca]

Man, everybody is missing out on the one way to ensure that your players will be there on time, every time. It's simple, and it works.

The DM keeps copies of all character sheets at all times. The game starts at a specific time. All characters will be present and played. Any character without its player present gets temporarily renamed to "trap finder and troll baiter". Said name sticks until the player shows up. Once player does show up, he/she gets to find out all the fun things the character learned, and play resumes.

People will be late until the first time their character gets renamed.

Don't forget 'magic item tester'. Or 'the kender's new Best Friend'. Or have some fun with curses: one of mine attracted a plague of minstrels when I was playing a stealth character...

[Lace Neil Singer]

Or make them the dwarf.

Note; I'm not bagging on dwarfs, for anyone who likes being the dwarf; just that the group I used to play with used to go to extreme lengths not to be the dwarf. XD Or the mage, but that didn't matter cuz I was happy to be the mage. ^^

As for the food, just put the rule down that non contributers do not get fed, simple as that. If he whines about it, suggest having the play over at his house so you can eat all his food for a change.

[fma_fanatic]

When the ex and I would host, we had a flake just like this one. Never contributed, always ate everything, and we'd end up spending more money ordering pizza or something else.

After the third time, we decided not again, let everyone else know and those that brought stuff hid their items in the fridge. Flake showed up searching for food and pretty much had a fit because there was just chips and dip. When were we going to order pizza or whatever? Not this time, unless he was going to order. He ended up stomping off and when we got together again, he didn't show.

I don't know what to suggest since K works with your husband, but I'd start mentioning that there's donation of $10 and see how long he keeps showing up. Let everyone else in on the plan so that he doesn't think that he's the only one being hit up for money.