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You hid the screw WHERE?!

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  • You hid the screw WHERE?!

    So I recently had a school event taking place on a day I normally work. I come home from the event, get on Facebook, and suddenly one of my coworkers pops up on Facebook chat, laughing his crazy arse off.

    He reported that some customer walked in and demanded to see a manager. He was telling him how one of their products had given him a terrible rash and has damaged him. The manager asked him to elaborate, and the customer wouldn't; just said that he would sue for damages. Manager (Being very experienced in this sort of thing.) told the guy that without the details, how would he know whether or not he had a case, so we can make this right? He's good like that.

    So the customer had to tell him. He stole a screw. Just one screw. All he came in for. But here's where it gets interesting. He stole the screw, went into the bathroom, ... ... ...


    ... ... ...


    And stuffed it up his %@#$!.


    Yep. Right up his dingleberry.

    Up his whazoo.

    All up in there.

    Into man's watering can.

    Fed his John Hancock with a bit of iron in his diet.


    Tried to walk out of the store, and did it, apparently. Then got a nasty rash later and came back to the store for ... what, justice?


    'nuff said.
    SC: "Are you new or something?"
    Me: "Yes. Your planet is very backwards I hope you realize."

  • #2
    OK, I'm female, and that had me climbing out of my chair and whimpering, and I don't even have the equipment to have a clue how much it would hurt!
    Any day you're looking down at the dirt instead of up at the dirt is a good day.

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    • #3
      Ok. I know that there are guys who are into that, and there are specialized toys for them.

      But a screw from a hardware store? Without cleaning it first?!?

      ^-.-^
      Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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      • #4
        I can only surmise that it was a screw for a lightswitch plate. They're usually a 6 or an 8. A 6, I can kinda understand. An 8 is really pushing it.

        If it was a 14, the man is a living legend.

        But of course, I'm just waiting to hear "Oh, it was a hinge pin. "
        SC: "Are you new or something?"
        Me: "Yes. Your planet is very backwards I hope you realize."

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        • #5
          Go ahead and sue. I'd love the see the look on the lawyers face when he discribes this incident.
          Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

          Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

          Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

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          • #6
            i'd say that's the dumbest thing to do but....sadly i've....dealt with people who have done similar

            pray that it does not become a massive infection in where its so bad something has to be amputated....but thats what antibiotics are for. ooooowwiiiieessss

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            • #7
              ShadowTiger, you owe me a new keyboard, a fresh cup of tea, and new sinuses - thank you.


              *shudder*
              The report button - not just for decoration

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              • #8
                Yikes! I'm not equipped like that either, but I'm sitting here tightly crossing my legs over this one.

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                • #9
                  Wow...

                  Ive seen (and removed) some stuff shoved in a hoohaa and a john hancock (not to mention some where the sun dont shine)....but thats just stupid to come back and report it with threats to sue.....a DIRTY screw?! ugh.

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                  • #10
                    Ha..owww.. hee..oooohhh...lol...noooo...My husband is giving me weird looks for the odd combination of laughs and wimpers coming from my side of the couch here.
                    The original Cookie in a multitude of cookies.

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                    • #11
                      Well, I guess that's one way to screw.
                      Was the guy's name Richard Hertz by any chance?

                      Quoth LexiaFira
                      pray that it does not become a massive infection in where its so bad something has to be amputated
                      I do believe that would be a Darwin Award.
                      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                      • #12
                        Not quite. It would still be possible to take a sample and use a turkey baster.

                        Unless the infection spread to the testes before he was smart enough to go to a doctor.
                        Seshat's self-help guide:
                        1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                        2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                        3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                        4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                        "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Seshat View Post
                          Unless the infection spread to the testes before he was smart enough to go to a doctor.
                          The odds of that happening are about as good as porcine aviation....


                          B
                          "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein.
                          I never knew how happy paint could make people until I started selling it.

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                          • #14
                            Did the manager threaten to get him for shoplifting? Bwahahaha!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Aut View Post
                              Did the manager threaten to get him for shoplifting? Bwahahaha!
                              Ewww, you think they want the evidence knowing it's been...there?
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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