Sexist guy at school sighting

[Eisa]

OK, so this is more just...around my campus/the people I know, but...I'm sure at least one of them can be a real SC, judging by his behavior around people who are his friends.

So I'm a senior. All my roommates are freshmen. [I have 3.] It's actually not so bad, but it does get a little weird sometimes when they want to do something that's silly/immature or whatnot.

One of my roommates, L. has a guy friend who we shall call SC for the fun of it. Now, I know and freely admit that I have problems with guys. I'm afraid of them. I'm working on it, but I know this sometimes clouds my judgment. Not to mention this particular guy actually reminds me of my abusive ex's roommate a little. So that's not helping.

BUT...my first introduction to him was about two weeks ago when school started. He was telling L. about how he had dropped about 3 or 4 classes and had to find new ones. Why? "There weren't enough hot girls in them." I was thinking, WOW, if that's the reason you're in school, you're going to be flunking out pretty damn quick. Seriously--he wouldn't even go to his classes, he'd ask a friend who was taking the class if they'd gone and "if there were any hot chicks in it." So that wasn't exactly the best introduction.

Then today. He apparently only comes over to our suite because we have a giant window in our living room that he uses to spy out hot girls...and rates them on how hot they are. Which pisses me off already. Then he starts "fucking" with my other roommate S., but she doesn't know him really well yet and he sounds perfectly serious. So she gets PISSED. [And I can't blame her at all, he was being a dick.] She has to leave for practice, so when she leaves...he calls her a bitch and then watches her out the window, saying that at "least she looks hot from behind."

At some point, he's also yelled at his prof for something on the syllabus...that I bet wasn't a problem at all... I mean, I could be wrong, but he kind of seems like the kind of guy who would argue just to argue.

Also. We were playing a video game. L. lost a mini-game and she said that we "raped" her...which I also have a problem with... But then SC said, "You can't rape the willing." That...pisses me off so much. I HATE when people joke about rape. Of course, since he's really loud/argumentative, all I could say was something lame about how if someone is TRULY willing, it's not rape, it's consensual.

Add to this countless other comments about how "ugly" or "hot" random girls are, and other such sexist tidbits...yeah. L. says he's a nice guy, he's just had some off days.

I hope so, or I'm going to be hiding in my room the rest of the year. Maybe he IS a nice guy, but I REALLY can't stand when people go on and on about how many girls they want to bang.

[PepperElf]

i would suggest talking with L about the guy... see if he can come over less

because regardless of how L feels about him - this is where you LIVE. you should not have to feel uncomfortable where you live.


i've been there actually. temp barracks room w/ 3 roommates and bunk beds. boyfriends often stayed the night. didn't like it, and they knew (one was a friend too). finally put my foot down when i went to bed in an empty room (so i wore a sexy nighty)... only to wake up in the middle of the night with the TV on and 2 guys chilling watching tv, and a third passed out. the girl who let them in was also passed out. put on the bitch-hat and kicked them out (esp since one guy i couldn't stand). talked to a supervisor the next day and they were spoken to. thankfully the berthing was open again so i slept in my own ship-rack the next night (yay).


and yeah the girls were upset that they got in trouble - my friend especially - but you know... sometimes you have to pick yourself over someone else.

and likewise... YOUR right to live and sleep in a comfortable and safe environment is MORE important than their need to socialize .... especially since the chosen man is abusing the people who live there.


and if she refuses to make him behave ... then you have EVERY right to go above her head to the resident advisor.


just because you're trying to adjust to being around men does not mean you have to give up a sanctuary - especially when the man in question is a cockwallet.

[RayvenQ]

Speaking as a male of the species I would like to extend my most heartfelt feelings of wanting to kick this guy int he jewels for you, repeatedly.

Next time you see him, comment on how his man bits must be really small, as he feels the need to compensate by judging every chick he sees.

I'll freely admit I find girls hot, I mean, I am male afterall, but hell, I dont make a carry on, it's like seeing someone in nice clothes, you think "Thats a nice dress" or whatever and just get on with it. (Whiskey aint really gonna believe me on this )

He's not a sexist guy, he's a creep pure and simple.

[bhskittykatt]

That guy's a total sleazeball. I'd discuss it first with the roommates, and if that doesn't get rid of him/bring him into line, I'd be talking to the RA. You shouldn't have to deal with that in your own dorm room. That's crossing the line.

[Eisa]

That guy's a total sleazeball. I'd discuss it first with the roommates, and if that doesn't get rid of him/bring him into line, I'd be talking to the RA. You shouldn't have to deal with that in your own dorm room. That's crossing the line.

I would be scared to talk to my RA, but I think maybe I could--S.C. doesn't even live in this building [although I believe he does live on campus]. I just don't know how to bring it up to L. without sounding like a bitch. Although I think me, S. and the other S. [my other roomie] are kind of all in agreement that he's a prick, although can be tolerated in small doses.

Speaking as a male of the species I would like to extend my most heartfelt feelings of wanting to kick this guy int he jewels for you, repeatedly.

Next time you see him, comment on how his man bits must be really small, as he feels the need to compensate by judging every chick he sees.

I'll freely admit I find girls hot, I mean, I am male afterall, but hell, I dont make a carry on, it's like seeing someone in nice clothes, you think "Thats a nice dress" or whatever and just get on with it. (Whiskey aint really gonna believe me on this )

He's not a sexist guy, he's a creep pure and simple.

Thank you, Rayven. Please, feel free to kick him in the jewels.

I think he must have something going on that way...even height-wise; he's shorter than I am and I'm only 5'3". It's like hey sorry you're short, but...don't be a dick. He's like proud of being a douchebag. It's...really weird.

Hehe, I find girls hot, too, [I'm bi ], and I don't care if someone mentions he/she finds a girl hot...it's when they're using it as pretty much the sole measure of if that girl is worthy to get to know. [She totally isn't. ]

Creep's a better word...I was trying to think of something that wasn't "douchebag" and "sexist" was all I could think of, unfortunately.

i would suggest talking with L about the guy... see if he can come over less

because regardless of how L feels about him - this is where you LIVE. you should not have to feel uncomfortable where you live.


i've been there actually. temp barracks room w/ 3 roommates and bunk beds. boyfriends often stayed the night. didn't like it, and they knew (one was a friend too). finally put my foot down when i went to bed in an empty room (so i wore a sexy nighty)... only to wake up in the middle of the night with the TV on and 2 guys chilling watching tv, and a third passed out. the girl who let them in was also passed out. put on the bitch-hat and kicked them out (esp since one guy i couldn't stand). talked to a supervisor the next day and they were spoken to. thankfully the berthing was open again so i slept in my own ship-rack the next night (yay).


and yeah the girls were upset that they got in trouble - my friend especially - but you know... sometimes you have to pick yourself over someone else.

and likewise... YOUR right to live and sleep in a comfortable and safe environment is MORE important than their need to socialize .... especially since the chosen man is abusing the people who live there.


and if she refuses to make him behave ... then you have EVERY right to go above her head to the resident advisor.


just because you're trying to adjust to being around men does not mean you have to give up a sanctuary - especially when the man in question is a cockwallet.

Thank you, PepperElf. I'm at least lucky in that I get my own room because it's a 4 bedroom suite...but we still share a living room/kitchen/bathroom...and this guy gets really LOUD. My roomies have their bfs over all the time and I don't mind too much, although I would appreciate not getting up to go to the bathroom and finding a guy I barely know in the living room with no gf in sight! I don't want random guys seeing me in my pj's, you know? So I think that's maybe another thing to bring up, but not as important as C.S.

Sorry you had to share with those people. It's one thing when you have your own room and just share some common space, but that sounds really douchey of them. I guess I'm just tired of feeling like I need to hide in my room because I feel scared. So I think I will talk to L. regardless, although I might wait and see if it comes up naturally. He hasn't been coming over every day or anything, so I think I should have time. But yeah, he has been--he calls L. names, he called S. a bitch, he started talking shit about the other S.'s bf...['cause her bf is a football player and he was saying that her bf wouldn't face rugby players or something...? I don't even know, it was weird.] He hasn't said too much to me directly, but that's because I barely interact with him.

And that's a good reminder that I need a sanctuary still. I'm getting a little better around guys [case in point: I could play Mario Kart with S.'s bf and guy friend today and feel ok], but...cockwallets like him [Gawd, I LOVE that word ] really don't help.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Loud. There is a good keyword. If you're very nervous, start off slow. Tell L that SC is being too loud, you can't study/sleep/meditate/dissect frat boys when he's over.

If he KEEPS being loud, easy out! Put your foot down with this easy excuse. He's too loud, he won't be quiet, he's not allowed over anymore.

If he does shut up, mention to L that he makes you VERY uncomfortable with all his sexist talk. Oh, he's actually a nice guy? Well, YOU'VE never seen it. If he doesn't start acting like a human, you aren't sure you want him over anymore.

And if L starts acting like a bitch, talk to the adviser, and maybe try to get a different room. The place you live is the place you should feel the MOST safe.

If you do get fed up and want to be a REAL bitch, like I would, bring up oh, so innocently, "Gee whiz, L, he reminds me of my ex. You know, the abusive one. Well, just the way he's always calling you and S names and things. And he's awfully judgmental. Well, I'm just glad you're always here when he's around. ^^"

[Magpie]

Did you have to sign a roommate agreement at the beginning of the term? (Were you given one to sign that no one bothered with?) What did you all decide to put in it. If you have to do one, and haven't done so yet, maybe something about not allowing any criminal harassment in the suite could be included. Because what he is doing would fall under that.

I know, I know. Not the most effective. It's a shame that you have to deal with him, what he is doing is not OK.

[KiaKat]

Time to set rules. Especially rules over when non-residents are welcome in the suite.

Get all the suitemates together for a meeting (when there is NO ONE ELSE in the suite), tell them that you have some problems with the way you feel when you're in what is effectively your home for the year, and that you'd like to discuss some ground rules and guidelines. They're freshmen, so they're not used to the level of freedom the dorms offer them, and the "roommate agreements" are generally overlooked.

Before you go to the meeting, write down what you want to happen in the suite. This includes cleaning arrangements, quiet time, and use of common items like the couch, stove, any common cooking utensils, and paper products (toilet tissue, kleenex, paper towels). Be willing to negotiate. If you're not comfortable addressing a specific person, address the situation. Have your non-negotiable points, and your points that you're willing to give a bit on.

[chainedbarista]

exactly; you're paying for your share of the room, you have every right to protest other's guests, especially when they can't behave themselves.

if they're unreasonable (your roomies), then go to the RA or whomever else you need to see to get this fixed, because this guy is not just a sleaze/dick/etc., he's a problem waiting to happen.

i'm wanting to remove his 'jewels' but i fear that they would be too hard to find.

[Zellie Crescent]

That guy is an asshole. Here it seems you need this. *hands Eisa her golf club* You can borrow it for as long as you like.

[blas]

My bet is he's ugly as sin himself, inside and out.

I'm so glad I live alone and when I do go to school, I won't be living with anyone, or at least anyone I don't know well.

[Merriweather]

I don't want random guys seeing me in my pj's, you know? So I think that's maybe another thing to bring up, but not as important as C.S.

I've always felt self-conscious that way myself. Ideally, you shouldnt' have to deal with it, but still, in life, it will come up now and then (I have friends and family members I visit now and then, who have no guest room, so I'm on a sofa bed in the living room - or at large gatherings I might be in a guest room, but another guest is on the sofa, and you never know who you'll meet in the hallway heading for the bathroom, LOL.

My suggestion, to make yourself feel more comfortable, might be to switch from p.j.'s to something equally comfy that could be seen as "regular" clothing - like really comfy stretch pants & big sweatshirt or t-shirt, or scrubs, or something like that. I go for a size or two larger than normal, makes them comfier for sleeping. And since people do wear them in public, you feel a litle less vulnerable than in actual pajamas (well, I do).

[Sapphire Silk]

This guy is a waste of space, and Eisa, if you don't put your foot down and set some ground rules with him and L, they will both continue to walk all over you for the rest of the time you live there.

I had a roommate like this in college. She thought it was OK for her boyfriend to spend the night and for me to spend the night in the TV room. I did it once; but the couches were so uncomfortable I didn't get any sleep at all. The next night, I slept in my own bed. Her boyfriend, K., hinted that his roommates always went elsewhere when he had a girl over. My response was, "I am paying for this room and I will sleep in my own bed. If you want privacy, go elsewhere." Pissed both of them off, but they got the message.

So what if L and SC think you're a bitch? If they are that insensitive to the people around them, you are better off anyway.

[TheMike]

That guy is an asshole. Here it seems you need this. *hands Eisa her golf club* You can borrow it for as long as you like.

no no no.. *takes away golf club*, you need these *hands over a cricket bat and a cheese grater*,, you figure it out

[Magpie]

I had a roommate like this in college. She thought it was OK for her boyfriend to spend the night and for me to spend the night in the TV room. I did it once; but the couches were so uncomfortable I didn't get any sleep at all. The next night, I slept in my own bed. Her boyfriend, K., hinted that his roommates always went elsewhere when he had a girl over. My response was, "I am paying for this room and I will sleep in my own bed. If you want privacy, go elsewhere." Pissed both of them off, but they got the message.

Didn't somewhere recently make a specific rule that you weren't allowed to kick your roommate out so that you could have sex?