SC friend doesn't realize his SCness even when told

[Sarcastro]

What can you do when the SC you sight is the friend you're hanging out with? Oh I've tried to point out to him the multitude of douchebaggeries he's committed at restaurants and, well, anywhere we go. I've tried asking him how many different types of bodily fluids, small insects, and short curly hairs he thinks have made their way into his food due to his SCness. Nothing seems to work. Last night he hit on anything even remotely female that walked past our table, left a very specific set of 12 point instructions and substitutions to his meal, and then got mad at ME for not joining him in his harassment of the waitresses and hostess. Ok, granted the hostess was obviously interested but since my friend is a douche he had no intention of following up his flirtation with anything else. I thought he was but as he was writing his message on his reciept the phone number he left was mine instead of his. Our server/waitress type person was handling it extremely well but her annoyance was noticeable. I asked him if he wanted spit in his burger so badly why he didn't just spit in it himself instead of annoying the staff into doing it. The point went over his head. He's not going to be in Mensa any time soon.

I've never worked in restaurants but I'm sure someone here has. So I have to ask, is an apology and a 200% tip from the friend of a douche enough to make up for said douche's transgressions?

[UncleImpy]

Well, not to state the obvious, but you can stop going to restaurants with this friend and tell him why...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I'm with everyone else.

You only have to abuse waitstaff or act like a tool in public and embarass me once before I start planning my outings without you.

Guilt by association is a powerful thing, and I'd be afraid to eat with him.

I'd tell him straight up his behaviour is embarassing and stop going out with him.

[Brojekk]

I'm with everyone else.

You only have to abuse waitstaff or act like a tool in public and embarass me once before I start planning my outings without you.

Guilt by association is a powerful thing, and I'd be afraid to eat with him.

I'd tell him straight up his behaviour is embarassing and stop going out with him.

Personally I'd sever all ties with that friend.

[LingualMonkey]

Agreeing with the above. I have a brother I will no longer go with to a restaurant. He treats the staff with contempt, as if they are his personal servants and need to hop to it when he says boo, calls the wait staff by condescending pet names and <shudder> snaps his fingers at them.

He can eat on his own. I prefer to smile, ask politely, and have my food prepared mucus-free.

[mariamousie1]

Why do you go places with this guy???

[RestaurantDude]

I've never worked in restaurants but I'm sure someone here has. So I have to ask, is an apology and a 200% tip from the friend of a douche enough to make up for said douche's transgressions?

I have. And no. Nothing makes up for that level of douchtasticness. Sorry, but, your friend is an SC.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

Why are you his friend?

[Sarcastro]

D'oh. I didn't think it would do much good after his douchbaggery but I can totally understand where everyone's coming from. I try to not go to any sitdown restaurants with him for this reason. At first I tried hinting that he was being a douche but when that didn't work I had to tell him directly. He blows it off as me being overly sensitive. Since he's the smothering, codependent type when he notices me avoiding him he tends to tone it down a bit but still the inner douche comes out. Seems odd since he's completely concerned about what everyone else thinks about him yet completely oblivious to the fact that he's generally hated by every server from Homestead to Palm Beach. I was just trying to alleviate the pain of the people affected by his storm surge of douchebaggery. I've told him off a million times but for it and even went so far as to explain WHY you don't hit on waitresses/servers while they're at work and/or make comments about certain parts of their anatomy and what he would like to do with them. I've gone so far as to embarrass him numerous times in front of servers and patrons to make a point but he pouts for a bit and blows it off. Guys, I'm so sorry for customers like him. I'll do what I can to keep him away from civilized people, restaurants, etc.

Why are you his friend?

I've been asking myself that same question more and more in the past few weeks. He's the one friend in the group that's only there because he refuses to go away and I was dumb enough to hang out with him one on one and all of a sudden I have a new best friend that I wasn't aware of. Well, that and one time he bailed me out of a severe ass kicking I was about to receive at a movie theater. Weird story.

[chainedbarista]

sarcastro, i think you need (and deserve) a better class of friend. this guy will get into serious trouble for his behavior one day, and i'd hate to see you dragged into it.

[Sapphire Silk]

Sarcastro, I can understand a sense of loyalty to someone who saved you from an ass kicking . . . but there's a point where you move from the loyalty of friendship to guilt. Kinda like brushing off a stray puppy.

This guy is co-dependent to the point of pathology. The next time he wants to go to a sit down restaurant with you, the answer should be, "No. Sorry, but no. You are a total asshat in public and I'm tired of being associated with you." Nothing other than the hard unadultered truth will get through. It will hurt his feelings. You will feel like a schmuck. But you will be able to eat from the menu without extra ingredients.

That doesn't meant you have to quit being his friend (unless HE makes that decision for you). It just means you have to send a message that you won't tolerate his crap to other people if he wants to continue associating with you.

On a side note: I've read so many posts here from people who work in bars and restaurants, that it's really made me conscious of good servers and employees. I do more than just tip well (I've always done that), I make a point of letting management know who's doing a good job.

[Dasota]

I have a friend that worked the fast food circuit and a bit of retail before moving on to a group home company, and I've never known someone so rude to people that work in food service. I asked her one time why she was so rude to people like that and she said it was because she had to deal with it and so should everyone else.

Needless to say I don't go out to eat with her anymore, anywhere.

Just the other day I went to a new place, the folks there were so nice and awesome that after I saw they didn't have a tip jar I asked for the manager and told him that I thought his crew was awesome and friendly and that he should really consider putting up a tip jar for them since they deserve it.

[MoonCat]

I think you've more than paid him back for saving you from an ass-kicking, and I think you should bail on this friendship before his behavior puts you at risk for an ass-kicking.

[blas]

I feel for you. I have a few friends who just won't get the hint and go away.

Of course, it doesn't help that I don't stand up and say "Dammit I don't like you, go away please."

[Mondestrucken]

As to whether the nice tip makes up for the doucheness, look at it this way: you are a passenger in a friend's car. Said friend is a horrible driver: rude, careless, breaking traffic laws right and left. You have warned friend over and over again that they need to slow down, stop cutting people off and screaming obscenities, stop running red lights. But he continues to do it, and there is an accident and you are hurt. Now he pays all bills, but would you forgive him?

If I were a server, and I knew that I would get a great tip but I would be put through hell to get it, I would still hate your party.

In fact, I might hate you more, because you would make me feel like a whore for the tip.