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  • innuendo needed - paging sheldonrs and others

    I'm only sharing this one because I thought the dirtier minds on the board would like it.

    This is an indirect story from work. A coworker heard this from a client, but it's really the story of the client's neighbour.

    There is a certain property locally consisting of a pub on the ground floor and lots of little rooms rented separately on the 2 floors above. It was probably somewhat dodgy accommodation to start with but a couple of weeks ago everyone got told to leave - no regard to their legal rights. The landlord owes someone money and someone wants everyone out - and so far we can't work out what's going on beyond this.

    I saw someone last week at which time it was relatively standard - just a matter of someone "forgetting" about the rules about the notice tenants get.

    Coworker got another resident this week. The agent trying to kick people out had actually come round to the property and started dismantling the boiler !

    This is going to be a fairly spectacular mess of an illegal eviction situation.

    But apparently that's not all they did. They also started opening up the private rooms (which is not legal in itself without notice), and generally hassling the people in them.

    So the landlord let themselves into the client's room and found him sitting on his bed watching TV.

    Then he let himself into the next room - where the couple were having sex.

    My coworker asked if he had just left.

    No - he stood there for a minute then yelled "When are you getting out ?"

    Then he left.



    It's awful. But it's funny too.

    We could only advise on their rights (the council is hopefully now getting involved, and there may be compensation for the various tenants). But I just can't help thing that they really needed help with a response, because that is some straight line.

    Victoria J

  • #2
    How about:

    "It depends on if you're joining us or not?"

    "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride!"
    "Hallo elskan min/Trui ekki hvad timinn lidur"
    Amayis is my wifey

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    • #3
      Quoth Victoria J View Post
      Then he let himself into the next room - where the couple were having sex... he stood there for a minute then yelled "When are you getting out ?"
      "Well, right now, thanks for killing the mood!"

      Seriously, that landlord is setting himself up for a nasty lawsuit, and it couldn't happen to a more deserving person. I hope the former tenants throw the whole damned library at him.
      I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
      My LiveJournal
      A page we can all agree with!

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      • #4
        Quoth Victoria J View Post
        ...No - he stood there for a minute then yelled "When are you getting out ?"
        Not for quite a while. I'm just coming in.
        I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
        Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
        Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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        • #5
          'jump on in, plenty of room here.'
          look! it's ghengis khan!
          Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

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          • #6
            Quoth Victoria J View Post
            ... "When are you getting out ?"

            ...
            I'm sorry. This entrance is out of order. Wanna try the rear door?!!!
            "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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            • #7
              Quoth dalesys View Post
              Not for quite a while. I'm just coming in.


              Damn! Just cleaned the screen off . . . .

              Is this landlord from New York City or what? I can see the bent nose from here.
              They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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              • #8
                Quoth Victoria J View Post
                No - he stood there for a minute then yelled "When are you getting out ?"
                All these great responses everybody else has, and all I could think of was "That's what she said"...

                In all seriousness, though, couldn't they technically call the police about trespassing? Landlord or not, he's got no legal right to barge into their rooms without due cause(IE, "FIRE! GET YOUR ARSES OUT!" or something to that effect). Then again, I have NO idea how things work across the pond... -Tries to build a dingy to sail back to the Old World-
                Look, a signature!

                If every cashier in the world went on strike, retail would come to a screeching halt, even if for a couple hours.

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                • #9
                  Quoth ThirdGenRetail View Post
                  All these great responses everybody else has, and all I could think of was "That's what she said"...
                  Hey, now, don't knock the classics.

                  ^-.-^
                  Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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                  • #10
                    I'm pretty sure you could do something bad (like a basball bat to the shins) and be in the right there as you could be considered fearing for your life as someone was breaking into your home

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                    • #11
                      I know you're looking for funny innuendo, but as someone who does evictions in the the States, I can't help but think how that's a good way to get shot/stabbed/sued.

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                      • #12
                        he stood there for a minute then yelled "When are you getting off?"
                        Fixed that for ya.
                        When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth ThirdGenRetail View Post
                          All these great responses everybody else has, and all I could think of was "That's what she said"...
                          How 'bout "In your pants"?

                          Yes, I admit it, I've been watch Craig Ferguson and Geoffrey Peterson waaaaay too much.
                          It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Raveni View Post
                            I know you're looking for funny innuendo, but as someone who does evictions in the the States, I can't help but think how that's a good way to get shot/stabbed/sued.
                            Yep, I don't know about the rest of you...but if I found someone in my place without authorization, I'd assume that they'd broken in...and I'd do what I had to defend myself.
                            Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Victoria J View Post
                              snip~


                              "When are you getting out ?"


                              snip~
                              Victoria J


                              when she unclenches

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