You might be a Sucky Passenger if...

[CrazedClerk]

Having just done some travelling lately on Greyhound buses (including one particularly long trip), I've compiled a list of things that I see when I travel and that annoy me to no end. I'm sure some of these can apply to airlines and train travel too.

Here we go:

1. The bus leaves at a scheduled time, you are expected to be at the departure at LEAST 10 to 15 minutes BEFORE said time (longer for trains and planes) : If the bus leaves at 5:30 PM, don't saunter up to the gate at 5:25 and be pissed that a) All of the good seats are gone or b) There's a huge ass line in front of you and you may have to wait for the next one.

1b. If you forget your departure time, it is not advisable to go chasing after the bus as it pulls away: Though I guess it sometimes works as I saw some guy last night chase the bus out of the terminal and they actually stopped at let him on. Then there was the couple who got to the gate just AFTER the bus left. Oops, you'll have to catch the next one.

2. If you do not know me, do not talk to me like I'm an old buddy of yours: I simply want to sit in my seat and listen to my mp3 player. If the earphones are in, do not attempt to engage me in conversation. Also do not attempt to treat me like your best friend, I don't care about your dog, your husband's fancy ass car or your daughters new boyfriend. Let me restate for you: I DO NOT CARE.

3. If you must use your cellphone please do NOT converse so loudly the whole damned bus can hear you. We do not care who your "girl" just hooked up with or who's hanging out where tonight. Keep it down please.

3b If you are listening to music, do not listen to it so loudly that the whole bus must be subjected to your crappy 50 cent music: This also applies for watching movies on a laptop, or playing a Gameboy/DS/PSP with the volume cranked.

4. I pay for an entire seat, do not invade my space: If you fall asleep and start leaning against me, you WILL be woken up!

5. Yes, the bathroom's small and awkward: Bitching about it will not change anything so why bother?

6. Have the courtesy to at least wear clean clothes for your trip: I do not need your BO sitting next to me for a 5 hour bus trip (yes this actually happened, and the guy not only stunk he was a slob too).

7. No one gives a crap that you did not get a window seat: It's a greyhound bus, not a freakin 747, please sit down and shut up.

8. The driver is not your buddy, your god, your babysitter or your personal chauffeur: He can not control the weather, will not drive faster or take some alternate route because you think it's a good idea. He will not look after your kids for you while you run to get food at a pit stop and he will not drop you off at your Aunt's place even though it's "right along his route".

Now as a note on this one, some bus drivers are nice enough to drop you off in a central place (shopping centre, hotel, university, etc.) if you ask and if they feel like doing so, but they will rarely if ever stop at a private residence so you can get a convenient drop off. Everyone on the bus has somewhere to get to as well.

9. When you give your luggage to the guy to toss under the bus, he's going to do JUST THAT: If you anything delicate in there, take appropriate measures before hand and not bitch at the loader when he throws your bag on the pile. If it's not marked "FRAGILE", it's going for a ride.

10. I understand you are travelling with a friend, but please be relatively quiet and courteous in your discussions: The whole bus does not need to know about your genital warts, your boyfriend's drug habit or your sister's oddball fetish.

That's all for now I'm sure I'll think of more later.

[Sofar]

Welcome aboard folks, thank you for riding the dog . . . rule number one if the feet stink the shoes stay on!

2. If you do not know me, do not talk to me like I'm an old buddy of yours: I simply want to sit in my seat and listen to my mp3 player. If the earphones are in, do not attempt to engage me in conversation. Also do not attempt to treat me like your best friend, I don't care about your dog, your husband's fancy ass car or your daughters new boyfriend. Let me restate for you: I DO NOT CARE.

Aw, I like talking to people. Usually when they put their headphones on I take the hint, though.

[powerboy]

8. The driver is not your buddy, your god, your babysitter or your personal chauffeur: He can not control the weather, will not drive faster or take some alternate route because you think it's a good idea. He will not look after your kids for you while you run to get food at a pit stop and he will not drop you off at your Aunt's place even though it's "right along his route".

Now as a note on this one, some bus drivers are nice enough to drop you off in a central place (shopping centre, hotel, university, etc.) if you ask and if they feel like doing so, but they will rarely if ever stop at a private residence so you can get a convenient drop off. Everyone on the bus has somewhere to get to as well.

That happened to me once. The person, keep trying to tell the bus driver how to drive, and which route to take, and what-not. On a side not, I did sit next to someone I went to school with, that had a crush on me. So that was cool

[Horsetuna]

On 4: I had a guy lean against me and put his chin on my shoulder, as I leaned against the window in turn.

It was late at night, I dont think he realized he was doing it, but my eyes were wide and I didnt move. The aisle seats arent' very comfortable so I didnt blame him, or had the heart to wake him up.

On the other hand, I thought it was pretty cute really.

Another time I was going to a Transformer convention, the only woman on a bus full of TRUCKERS. I got a lot of teasing of rit, and for my Rainbow Brite blanket. (albeit they stopped after a while.)

A third time, a woman asked me if we had Grocery Stores in Canada. O.o I honestly didnt know there were some americans that ignorant.

[Discourtesy Clerk]

Oh my god. I hatehatehate Greyhound SC's. I'm on that bus at least once every couple months, have been for a couple years now, due to having friends in about 5 different cities...and I have seen all of these in spades. We have the same pet peeves, for sure.

I have my additions, too:

12. Do not get drunk on the bus. Every trip has the loud, smelly, ranting drunk asshole. Nobody likes this guy. Especially the girl who's stuck riding in the seat next to him for six hours. You bring booze on the bus, whether in your bag or in your bloodstream, and the entire passenger crowd will be cheering for our favourite take-no-shit driver to boot your ass off in the middle of nowhere.

13. Do not smoke weed on the bus. I don't care if you're a stoner. I don't even mind the smell. But the driver does, and so do the mothers with their little kids, and so do the burly security guards at the terminal that will take pleasure in searching your bags. You are not cool for blazing on the bus, you're just stupid. If the cig smokers can wait till the next stop, you can too. (Your risk, though.)

14. Don't travel with more than you can carry off the bus. This isn't the airport, dumbass. Nobody's going to help you with your bags, and they're definitely not going to watch them all for you while you go wandering off during your 5 hour layover in Frisco.

15. Get the f*ck off the soapbox. Please, please, do NOT make sermons or political speeches to the whole bus. Not even to the guy sitting next to you. Sit down, shut up, keep it to yourself.

16. Do not abuse your wife or child while on the bus. You do, and you'll have all the ex-cons, punks and biker dykes from the back seats on your ass in five seconds, guaranteed.

17. Do not threaten the driver. Not only will you get booted, you will very likely get arrested, and definitely mob tackled by aforementioned ex-cons, punks and biker dykes.

18. What driver says goes. The bus is not a democracy. He who holds the wheel makes the rules, he who doesn't like it will have a long walk to the nearest city from where they get dumped off.


Can you tell I make a lot of trips?

[ThePhoneGoddess]

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

I'm going to hijack your thread just temporarily.

I have taken lots of Greyhound rides. I once rode over Red Mountain pass in Central Colorado in one in December. I have never been so terrified in my life. Not that the driver was bad, it's just that I was sitting in the back of the bus looking out the window watching the entire back of the bus swing off the road every time we made one of those hairpin turns. And this was in terrible weather, ice-covered roads and several feet of snow on the ground.

But anyway, the most hilarious thing I ever saw while traveling was on a greyhound going from Sacramento to Los Angeles. There was this young tweaker kid along for the ride, and he was annoying everybody. Just out of Sacramento a bunch of guys got on. They were all wearing the standard prison issue duds---white shirt, khaki pants, no belt, white sneakers---that inmates are issued when they are released from prison. They were obviously from Folsom. (Large prison outside of Sacramento.) Most of them seemed to be gang members as well, with the obvious tattoos, and most of them were Black.

They start acting raucous, hitting on some of us and being boastful and such. At one point a little old lady innocently asks this large guy, covered in tattoos, 'Are you boys on vacation?' He grins at her, revealing several gold teeth, and says 'Yeah, lady, we been on vacation!' real suggestively. the other guys start laughing.

At one point tweaker boy starts talking to them. he gets a couple of the black guys attention, and starts telling them he can rap, except that he's tweaking, so he can't seem to shut himself up. He was speaking like this: "Hey man, I can rap! I can, I can, I can, I can! I can totally rap, dudes! you wanna hear? you wanna hear? Do ya? Do ya? I can rap, man! I can rap!'

He starts trying to rap and just fails miserably. He obviously offends several of the black guys, who look at him like they wanna throttle him. He finally seems to realize he's pissing these guys off, so he finally shuts up. a little while later the bus stops for a gas break. We all get off to use the bathroom and such. Tweaker boy walks around behind the bus and several of these guys follow him. Tweaker boy realizes he's being followed, and heads over to where people are having a smoke break a safe distance from the gas station. After this I didnt see what happened, but was told later by someone smoking. They catch up to him and start pushing him around. he gets panicky, and starts pulling stuff frantically out of his pockets. He pulls out a small stash of meth and a small bag of marijuana, and offers it to them if they'll leave him alone. They push him around a little more, and he gets really scared and pisses himself. The smokers (politely!) remind the guys they'll go right back to jail if they mess him up too bad, so they decide to take his stuff, and tell him not to sit near them again. He agrees.

The rest of the bus ride tweaker boy is extremely quiet and meek and wont look anybody in the eye. Oh, and he was probably so dehydrated from being all tweaked up, apparently his piss was really strong because he REEKED of it.

Finally the boys get off in Los Angeles. Last I see of them they are high-fiving each other in the parking lot, saying things like 'I bet I see you back there in a coupla months, man!'

I was entertained throught the entire thing.

Ok, hijack over. sorry.

[MystyGlyttyr]

You wanna have a fun time? Ride an Amtrak from Texas to Michigan during Hurricane Rita. Crowded, full of fleeing people, who haven't bathed in a while, etc. All very nice, but ugh. SMELL.

19. The food on the train is ridiculously high-priced. That's because there's no competition for you to go to. Either suck it up and buy the $8 hamburger or wait till we get to Chicago and buy one there.

20. Yes, the water is an unhealthy grey color. And it tastes bad. That's probably because it's recycled toilet water. Buy a $3 coke or shut up and drink it.

21. If your darling little child comes screaming past me at 2 a.m. again, I will stick my pen out and stab him in the eye on the next pass. Hey, it's dark on the train and I thought it was a terrorist.

22. If you annoy me so much that I get up and go to another seat, don't follow me. If you follow me, you'll go out the window. And remember, we're on the second story of a hunk of gleaming metal going 80 MPH through a rocky canyon. It WILL hurt.

23. If I was smart enough to bring snacks on the train so I don't have to buy a 12 buck Happy Meal, you ain't gettin' any. I'll offer some to be polite and I don't mind sharing...I don't even mind if you ask me if you can have some...if you're nice, I'm nice. But you just try to grab and I'll eat your fingers.

[CrazedClerk]

Welcome aboard folks, thank you for riding the dog . . . rule number one if the feet stink the shoes stay on!

Aw, I like talking to people. Usually when they put their headphones on I take the hint, though.

Bingo.

If my headphones are off, I don't mind someone talking to me, but I've had people who try to talk to me while I have them on. They are looking at me and moving their mouths even though my earphones are plugged in. That I don't like, however if the earphones are out, I'm totally open to meeting new people.

24. Travel as light as you can, it makes it easy for everyone: Even if you are going away for a week or two, you shouldn't need any more than one, maybe two suitcases and a carry bag. Awhile back I was on a bus in Pennsylvania and we stopped to pick up this guy who had three full BINS (like those big plastic storage bins you can buy at wal-mart) and several other bags worth of stuff. When I travel, I take essentials only, there's plenty of stuff I can manage without for awhile. Evidently some people have to annoy the rest of us and bring it all.

[ArenaBoy]

Sucky Passenger Airline version.

1. Do not bitch at me before we take off about how incompetent airlines are. I do not want to listen to you and the earphones say it.

2. For the love of all things sacred turn off your CELLPHONE!! I know it's a myth but just to be safe turn it off. The entire plane does not need to hear about what you plan to do with a paintbrush and some toothpaste.

3. If you have a child, please keep he/she under control. Do not get pissed when I ask you to tell your child to stop kicking the back of my seat. I've seen 2 year olds behave better than your 6 year old on planes.

4. If you see me sleeping, it means I'm sleeping. Don't wake me up so you can read one of my magazines. You should've brought some.

5. Finally, once we land do not push me or shove me. The world is not about to collapse as soon as we land. I'm eager to get to wherever I'm vactioning at but please just keep your head on.

[BookstoreEscapee]

1. The bus leaves at a scheduled time, you are expected to be at the departure at LEAST 10 to 15 minutes BEFORE said time (longer for trains and planes) : If the bus leaves at 5:30 PM, don't saunter up to the gate at 5:25 and be pissed that a) All of the good seats are gone or b) There's a huge ass line in front of you and you may have to wait for the next one.

Reminds me of when I was commuting to Philly...If I missed it in the afternoon, no biggie, there was another in 15 minutes. If I missed it in the morning that meant waiting a half hour. Luckily there is a coffee shop at the station. But I didn't get pissed, if I was the last one on the train and I had to stand, oh well, sucks to be me...

1b. If you forget your departure time, it is not advisable to go chasing after the bus as it pulls away: Though I guess it sometimes works as I saw some guy last night chase the bus out of the terminal and they actually stopped at let him on. Then there was the couple who got to the gate just AFTER the bus left. Oops, you'll have to catch the next one.

When I was living near Philly there was a girl who lost part of her foot trying to get on a moving train. Glad I wasn't there to see it.

3b If you are listening to music, do not listen to it so loudly that the whole bus must be subjected to your crappy 50 cent music: This also applies for watching movies on a laptop, or playing a Gameboy/DS/PSP with the volume cranked.

Hear, hear! or rather, No hear, hear!

4. I pay for an entire seat, do not invade my space: If you fall asleep and start leaning against me, you WILL be woken up!

well, that could depend on how cute he is...not that i ever got any cute guys sitting next to me

10. I understand you are travelling with a friend, but please be relatively quiet and courteous in your discussions: The whole bus does not need to know about your genital warts, your boyfriend's drug habit or your sister's oddball fetish.

I don't want to know about my own sister's oddball fetish. (well, if i had a sister, but you know what i mean...)

[LemonZest]

Awhile back I was on a bus in Pennsylvania and we stopped to pick up this guy who had three full BINS (like those big plastic storage bins you can buy at wal-mart) and several other bags worth of stuff. When I travel, I take essentials only, there's plenty of stuff I can manage without for awhile. Evidently some people have to annoy the rest of us and bring it all.

Western Pennsylvania?
First week of August?
Got off the bus in Mercer or Slippery Rock?

I know where he was going....the Spousal One went and picked him up 'cause he didn't have a clue how to get to Pennsic from Mercer on a Sunday (there is no public transportation there on Sunday) and he neglected to tell us he had three large tubs...good thing we have a truck.

LemonZest

[myswtghst]

An addendum to the plane "if's"

6. If you spill your drink/food/whatever on me, I'm going to be upset. Especially if you do not at least apologize or try to find a napkin/flag down a steward/ess.


Also, Mysty? Totally with you on this:

23. If I was smart enough to bring snacks on the train so I don't have to buy a 12 buck Happy Meal, you ain't gettin' any.

I was always the smart one on the Amtrak from MI to Chicago/vice versa who remembered to bring in my backpack: a bottle or three of water, some snacks (enough for myself, thank you) and baby wipes/antibacterial gel. I tend to do the same thing on buses and even planes, when I can get away with it.

[Gurndigarn]

And be real careful before messing with the passengers, no matter who they are. I know of a couple of people who use Amtrack or Greyhound exclusively because the airlines, for some reason, won't allow them on, considering how many pointy or bangy things they carry regularly.

[CrazedClerk]

Western Pennsylvania?
First week of August?
Got off the bus in Mercer or Slippery Rock?

I know where he was going....the Spousal One went and picked him up 'cause he didn't have a clue how to get to Pennsic from Mercer on a Sunday (there is no public transportation there on Sunday) and he neglected to tell us he had three large tubs...good thing we have a truck.

LemonZest

It was Western PA, but this happened on January 1 of this year. Guy got on in Meadville I think. It was actually a couple that had all the stuff.

[LemonZest]

It was Western PA, but this happened on January 1 of this year. Guy got on in Meadville I think. It was actually a couple that had all the stuff.

S'ok, it just sounded so much like a Pennsic story...

Dunno why but we get calls every year from people who just get on a bus with all their stuff, no money, and don't research where the bus terminals are or how they might get the rest of the way there.

Then there's the one or two every year who get *really upset* with us when we tell them there's no shuttle service provided by the campground! This is a primitive campground, not a five-star hotel!

LZ