So today we went to Sams and the first 2 minutes went something like this

[Moirae]

My husband was looking at something across from one of the tills when this lady and her little boy (maybe 4 years old, I'm inclined to say younger) walk by.

Or rather, she's dragging him by his arm and says as pleasant as can be "If you don't stop it, I'm going to punch you in the head. Do you want to be punched in the head?". He was being a very good boy, quiet, polite, and everything else, and she says that to him. His answer was a very soft polite "No".

I was so shocked, my jaw dropped and I nearly said "Do you?" but I was so surprised they walked away before I could open my mouth.

I seriously wanted to smack the stupid out of that woman. You never talk to an adult like that, never mind a three or four year old child, no matter how they're behaving and HE wasn't behaving badly at all.

[Zellie Crescent]

That makes me feel sorry for the kid.

[Food Lady]

And that's when I called CPS....

[greensinestro]

And that's when I called CPS....

Easy for us to say, although I'm sure one day it will happen to this lady. Everyone has a cell phone now.

[Kristev]

She needs to be reported.

[pageantmama]

My husband was looking at something across from one of the tills when this lady and her little boy (maybe 4 years old, I'm inclined to say younger) walk by.

Or rather, she's dragging him by his arm and says as pleasant as can be "If you don't stop it, I'm going to punch you in the head. Do you want to be punched in the head?". He was being a very good boy, quiet, polite, and everything else, and she says that to him. His answer was a very soft polite "No".

I was so shocked, my jaw dropped and I nearly said "Do you?" but I was so surprised they walked away before I could open my mouth.

I seriously wanted to smack the stupid out of that woman. You never talk to an adult like that, never mind a three or four year old child, no matter how they're behaving and HE wasn't behaving badly at all.

Hopefully since she said it calmly she was just playing around? With my kids I will joke with them like that but if someone heard they would probably be like

I don't say I am gonna punch them in the head though. I might be messing around if they are not listening and be like "If you don't stop it I am gonna beat you with a noodle." or "I hope your hungry because if you don't stop I will give you a knuckle sandwich" My papaw used to say that and it stuck with me, lol. Or if the 2 and 3 year old are fighting with each other, as they always are, I might be like "If you don't stop fighting I am gonna duct tape you together until you get along." Not like I would beat them or duct tape them up but they know I am kidding and laugh at me. Better then yelling at them to stop, and they usually come right back at me with something and then we start laughing at each other and they forget about doing whatever it was that was annoying, lol. But I guess if someone else that wasn't around us all the time hear me they would probably wanna call CPS and tell them I was gonna duct tape my kids together and beat them.

[Moirae]

Yeah, I would hope its a joke, but I honestly didn't find it funny. Especially given the look on his face. I'd NEVER tell my nephew that I was going to punch him in the head, not even as a joke. I love him dearly.

Let me say, I do agree with spanking. As in one swift swat on a padded bum (I had to once with my nephew and I felt sooo horribly guilty, but a one a half year old isn't going to understand why putting a fork in an exposed plug in a wall is a bad thing no matter how many times you explain it and I needed him to remember the lesson so he didn't succeed later. It was one swift swat and that was it), but punching someone in the head... thats just... abuse. There's no other word for it.

If I had actually seen her do that, I'd have screamed loud enough for the entire store to hear it and then attacked that wench. I'm not the motherly type, but you don't go abusing children around me. Ever. I'll smack the living hell out of you.

[Food Lady]

I trust that you knew by the look on the kid's face that the mom wasn't joking. Poor kid.

[Moirae]

Yeah, he looked kind of... cowed. If you know what I mean.

[pageantmama]

In that case then yeah, she needs to be smacked. I was hoping no one would think I am condoning child abuse by my post above, lol. My husband, kids and I have a joking relationship like that. My favorite is one my step dad used to say. You better stop or I will smack you so hard your kids will be born naked! My mother on the other hand was the kind to say it and actually do it. With a smile on her face the whole time. So I was hoping the mom was acting more like my family and not my mom I have been that kid and it sucks. I do spank but only if it is really needed and never while angry. I don't see how abused kids can turn into abusers themselves knowing what it is like. I was scared to death when I was pregnant with the first one because I was afraid I would be like my mom since I had heard all these stories about abusers and how they always said they were abused and that is why they turned out like they did and did the things they did. Once I had him though I found out that saying was wrong and I could never do anything like that to my kid. And the kids know it too.

[Estil]

I don't see how abused kids can turn into abusers themselves knowing what it is like.

Very simple. They're under the wrong impression that the abuse they went through was "normal". So naturally they end up abusing their own children because it's the only way they know how to raise them; the way they were.

For this reason (I'm a child abuse and later employer abuse survivor) I'm virtually certain that I could never take the chance on having kids of my own. The stats prove the point you just mentioned and I just can't take a chance that I too could become a statistic. Or otherwise be so paranoid about it that I go too far in the opposite extreme and raise very spoiled undisciplined kids.

My wife and cat are all the family we need.

[Seshat]

I don't see how abused kids can turn into abusers themselves

(In some cases) They know no other way to act or react to certain situations. I'm a second-generation abusee: my parents were abused (both of them), and did a very good job of trying hard not to abuse my brother and I.

But I have very clear memories of several incidents where they suddenly stopped what they were doing (which was abusive) with a look of horror on their faces, apologised, and tried to somehow make it up to us.

Yes, this is one of the factors which means I don't have children. (My own health is another.)


That said, this discussion - should people want it to continue - belongs in Fratching. But it is a very interesting and worthwhile discussion.

[Moirae]

It would take pages and pages to describe the abuse in the household I had growing up. Physical and mental, it was terrible. I'd never wish that on anyone.

My mom was a little, but mostly in the way that she was very controlling. My dad is another thing entirely. He's grown up a bit since that time but he's still very selfish. May 14, I turned 35. He has yet to even say Happy Birthday (even though I talked to him a week later but it was about my aunt who had a stroke a couple months ago), but thats a small thing in comparison to the time he beat the closet door to a pulp with his fist and the time he grabbed my mother by the waist and threw her on top of the neighbors picket fence ripping her nail off.

Yeah, I don't know how people could EVER subject someone else to that.

My mom eventually left him and they both remarried. I don't like my stepmom (though I think she's the only reason my dad has anything to do with me) and thats a long story unto itself.

But my stepdad is a wonderful man that I simply love talking to because he's a very kind, intelligent, and strong person (He was a major in the Canadian military. Shot in the arm in the first Gulf War). He would NEVER hit either my sister or I and WILL stand up for us. I think my mom got lucky finding him, and we got lucky that they stayed together because we finally found out how a REAL relationship is supposed to work.

I won't tolerate being abused, not from anyone. I think its one of the reasons I get so frustrated at work because I can't stand the fact that I have to take that crap from my managers. And I won't tolerate watching kids being abused even if it means I get hit instead.

Because now I know better. It is not normal that any kid should suffer like that.

Sorry, don't mean to overreact. Its just something that hits really close to home.