Commissary sighting.

[PepperElf]

Yesterday my boyfriend took me to the base commissary and what I saw made me extremely mad.

A woman was walking down the aisles either shopping or working and on a quick guess I'd say she was maybe 3 feet tall.

What pissed me off was 5 minutes later I saw her walking to another aisle and she passed by another customer. The customer had one child (a daughter) getting items for her and her son was sitting in the cart...

... sitting in the cart, pointing at the tiny woman, screaming out, "LOOK AT THAT GIRL! LOOK AT THAT GIRL!"

Both my bf and I pretty much glared at him, and as we walked off I said, "That was RUDE!"

I don't know if his mother scolded him, but I do know when we passed by them a minute or two later he was crying his face off. And inside I was thinking, "Good. You need to cry over what you said."

The only thing better would have been if he'd been forced to apologize to the woman.



I mean yeah, I understand that children will be very curious about people who are different. The woman was probably the shortest adult I've ever seen too... but they should also be taught that screaming and pointing at someone is not the proper way to react.

Even more so, when one is a guest on a military base.

The behavior of the spouse & children of any military member reflects not only on the service member but upon the military itself... and in some cases (overseas duty for example) will reflect on the nation itself.

[UncleImpy]

This is behavior I'm used to. Im a big guy (6'4", 300lbs) and any time, and I mean ANY time I go to the store, I expect SOMEONE's child to go wide eyed and stare. I'n my case at least its a fixable situation (off of the caffiene completely and cut the carb intake drastically). I dont really consider it the kid's fault - its the parents that should be teaching them not to stare and point (or at least be respectful about it when you go 'whoa, that guy's a giant'). I feel bad that the kid in this story wasnt taught better.

But then, poor parenting kills seem to be the norm for SCs. Sigh

[AquaGirl]

I would feel bad for the woman and yes, his parents need to work with him on that. But he is a child and having children myself, I know that sometimes they do say things like this, manners or otherwise. My son, who is generally a sensitive child recently looked at a man in the grocery store and said "That man is old!" I explained that we don't say things like that because it will hurt people's feelings. I didn't scold him because I didn't feel he had intentionally done something wrong. He is 4, however so I guess the age of the child in question also figures in. Was he 12? If so I can see your point. If he was a good bit younger I doubt it was done with malice and I also doubt he knew he was a "guest" on a military base as that sort of thing is not normally something young children are aware of.

[jnd4rusty]

I have a story that relates. I work in a restaurant that sells west mex food and we hire 14 and 15 year olds. They are limited on what they can do but there is enough legal jobs around the store so my boss likes to hire them. I like hiring them because this is usually their first job and they work the hardest for the most part. Anyways J put in an application, which we all knew he would when he reached working age as his uncle works for us as a part time crew trainer and his dad used to work for us. J is now our newest 14 yr old who by the way looks like he is 10, seriously, he looks like he is in 6th grade!! The customers have made comments about it several times and he just takes it in stride. The moment that had us laughing happened one night, J was prepping and there was a little girl, maybe about 6 years old at the front counter, suddenly she points her finger at J and says "look mommy there is a boy in there, mommy, mommy, there is a boy in there!" All of us, including J, started to laugh because it was just comical. The little one was not being rude, just honest with what she saw, she had no idea that J was 14 years old.

[Thatgirl71]

I can understand when a young child does it, because honestly, to me they are too young to know better and are just curious. It's when the parents don't correct them or laughs along with the kid, now that bugs me.
I also wouldn't force the child to apologize, it might just embarass the person more. Instead I'd hope the parent would do their job, and well, teach the child that there are all kinds of people in the world, different sizes, shapes, colors, and many with disabilities and there is no need to yell and shout and point them out.

[Can I Help Your A$$?]

I've been in the position, and I can tell you, first of all, we "different" people are not stupid. (I'm just fat, but somehow I'm different, which isn't logical, but there you have it.)

We know that children will yell out when they see something they've never seen before. It's only natural. What we DON'T appreciate is seeing a parent scream, yell, or hit a child for doing something he DOESN'T KNOW IS WRONG. Another thing we don't appreciate is when the parent joins in and encourages the child to continue pointing out our flaw or difference. We don't want a scene. We don't need to revisit the incident. What we WANT is to be able to fucking shop in peace like everyone else is "supposed to" be able to do. It stings a little for some of us, and for others, we see it as an opportunity to educate the child. Some braver than I will gently explain to the child what's going on, why we look different, or who we are. I say this because I can't speak for people who really have it hard--my situation is rarely a problem anymore, because most of the kids now are fat anyway.

Just...don't automatically assume a parent is stupid or neglectful when a kid blurts something out. "Cause when you're a kid, your job is to learn.

[fma_fanatic]

That's sad. It reminds me of the 20/20 show special they aired a few months back, What Would You Do: How Would You Do It? where there were submissions from viewers that they then set up and waited for people to step up.

I think the first scenario fits this thread perfectly.

[Seshat]

Depending on which mobility aid I'm using, I'm visibly disabled. Anna likes to dress strangely - usually goth. Dancer is very tall, bearded, long-haired and grey; and small children can't decide whether he looks like Hagrid or like Dumbledore.

As you can imagine, we're used to children reacting to us.

What matters is the parents' reaction. A parent who takes it as a learning opportunity (and doesn't try to drag us into it) with a 'yes, people are different' sort of attitude is ideal. A parent who treats it as a normal part of life and teaches that by example is okay.
Parents who snicker or joke or otherwise do the whole 'yes, they are freaks, aren't you glad we're NORMAL people' --- not okay at all.
Parents who punish the children (presuming they're young) -- also not okay. Young children are going to be curious about people like us. We ARE abnormal.

And yes, depending on my state of health, and the duration of the encounter, I'll sometimes go into 'education mode'. If we're in a line or something, and I notice a staring child, I'll talk about how my legs don't work right. As long as I'm healthy enough to do it, I really don't mind: it's better that they learn, after all.

[Sparky]

I agree with ... um, everybody? Children need to be taught manners, but you can't expect them to have manners before they are taught, and this is a hard thing to teach. Important, but hard.

My son was a very sweet, sensitive, and polite little boy. He eventually grew into a sweet, sensitive, and polite man. Once, I think he was about four, we were in the grocery and he spotted a handicapped woman. She appeared (to me) to be mentally disabled, and she was wearing some very unusual specially-made shoes on what were probably some very deformed feet. To my horror, my son pointed, whole arm extended, at her and yelled LOOK AT HER SHOES!

Of course I corrected him right away, but I had the hardest time trying to explain what he'd done wrong. He just didn't get it. I told him it might hurt her feelings. He couldn't understand why. Later, when we were in the car, I'd try explaining "Well, what if you had a great big nose and people pointed at you? How would you feel?" "But I don't have a big nose" he said. And months after this, he would point at a bird or a sign or something outside the car as we were driving, then drop his head and say in a shamed voice "I'm sorry I pointed."

Of course he eventually figured out what I was trying to teach him. But he just couldn't grasp it until he'd gained more maturity.