This is not respectful or even acceptable

[RecoveringKinkoid]

So we went to Fatz Saturday night with my inlaws. My mother in law is eighty something years old and to not put a real fine point on it, will not be mistaken for younger. She is frail, tiny, and very obviously at the very least an octogenarian.

Twenty something year old food runner calls her "sweetie" when putting her plate in front of her. Not "ma'am", not "Missus," not even "Mother."

I have a problem with that. The lady's old enough to be your great grand, you don't call her "sweetie."

I turned around gave her "The Look". I don't know if she clued in or what, but she didn't do it again (and anyways, she was just running food, not our waitress, we only had to deal with her once). If she's been our server and done it again, I would have said something.

Now, y'all know me, I used to work in a restaurant, and I am not one of these people who need my ass kissed. I treat people with respect, and it doesn't matter to me that they're a high school kid bagging my groceries or the CEO of the company I used to work for. But I've seen, say, cashiers calling little old gray haired ladies "sweetie" in checkout lines and I'm always a little shocked by it. Someone doing it to my mil in a restaurant is really offensive.

I mean, this is the south, and a woman saying to me or any other younger woman is pretty much how we talk down here. But saying it to a bent, frail, clearly very elderly lady is not respectful.

[AquaGirl]

I too, am southern, and I call most everyone ma'am. Even though MY grandmother tells me this is disrespectful to people younger than me but I never say it in an ill manner. If they don't warrant it, I DO NOT call then ma'am.

[firecat88]

North Carolina-born woman here. And I will admit that I call my friends 'hon' all the time. Note the key words, there: My friends. But to say it to a little old lady, especially one who is a complete and total stranger? I don't even, and wouldn't dream of doing so, call my own grandmother anything besides 'Nana'. My rule- If you wouldn't do it to your own grandmother/kid/pet/weird uncle, don't do it to someone else's.

[telecom_goddess]

I hadn't thought about this before Kink but do you have a southern accent?

Unrelated I guess but I'm curious

And I wouldn't get offended at that myself but I'm not from the south where that kind of thing matters more to people.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

'Fraid so. Reckon I do.

My sort of southern accent sounds a lot like Sawyer from Lost (actor is from Georgia...the accents are similar enough that gives you a close approximation of how I sound.)

[GiggityGiggityGoo]

I don't see anything wrong with that, but it's a little different here in California

[Spork4pedro]

This is one of my biggest pet peeves! My manager who calls all older ladies "Young Lady". I know that he's trying to be flattering but I always think it's just disrespectful. My BF also hates it whenever someone refers to older people as "cute" (as in aww...that older couple is sooo cute!).

[siead_lietrathua]

it could just have been a brain misfire. i am one of those random-terms-of-endearment types, and occasionally i slip up at work because its just a habit. i have yet to have someone tell me they were offended by a slip, and if they were i would apologize.
was your grandmother the one offended? if it bothered her then i would consider it an issue. but if she wasn't bothered then it shouldn't be an issue.
then again, im from small town northlands, maybe it's seen differently.

[wildman]

So, is it that you have a problem with it or does your MIL have an issue with it?

[Frantic Freddie]

I know an 80+ lady that I call "sweetheart" & "darlin'" but she's a friend & fan of the band,after a few drinks she gets downright flirty

But all other ladies get called "Ma'am" unless I know them real well.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

I don't know if she heard, to be honest. It offended me. I don't know if it offended her or not, I didn't bring it to her attention, and if I'd had to speak to someone about it, it would have privately.

I am protective of my husband's parents. And I am sensitive to the way the elderly are treated in general, having a lot of elderly relatives.

And calling old ladies "young ladies" is...well, I don't see it as disrespectful. Clearly the guy's not trying to be. But it still calls attention to the ladies' age, and most women do not like that. Especially if old ladies are the only ladies he calls that. "Miss" would sort of fit the same function, only be a lot less obvious.

Hell, go to Disneyworld and everyone gets called "Princess". Which I actually think is funny and kind of charming. But then, EVERY FEMALE on the premises gets called that.

"Sweetie" generally does not offend me, but when the girl doing it is so young and the woman being addressed as such is so old, I think it's inappropriately familiar.

I know an 80+ lady that I call "sweetheart" & "darlin'" but she's a friend & fan of the band,after a few drinks she gets downright flirty

But all other ladies get called "Ma'am" unless I know them real well.

THIS is not inappropriate with a friend who's having a little fun flirting around with younger men. In fact, I highly recommend calling her that in this situation!

[42_42_42]

I call children sweetie and sweetheart. Any woman who is an adult that I don't know is a ma'am. I do tend to use "dear" for the inbetween age, teenagers and very young adults. As in "here you go, dear". Maybe I shouldn't. I don't say it to be condescending, but maybe it comes across that way anyway?

[chainedbarista]

it might be ok if there was a level of personal relationship; she's a stranger, so it's definitely inappropriate-ma'm would have been correct.

[kibbles]

Some people says sweetie, some says darlin', and some says honey..etc. Personally, unless it is said in a mocking or demeaning tone, I would have no problem with it.

[Pagan]

Yale University actually did a study on the way older people are talked to. Not only do they not like it, it can actually adversely affect their health.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...ale-study.html

Hell, go to Disneyworld and everyone gets called "Princess". Which I actually think is funny and kind of charming. But then, EVERY FEMALE on the premises gets called that.

I prefer "goddess", since that's what we all are.