Elitist Geeks

[Little Retail Rabbit]

This was the best place I could think of for this...

I'm sure I'm not the only one to have experienced this sort of attitude, and I'm sure that most of you who have also experienced this will have one very big thing in common with me- I'll bet that we're mostly female.

What is up with those elitist geeks who act like we're all nasty sluts just because we're women?

I have had enough good experiences to know that this isn't the rule of thumb, and I think of myself, fondly, as a geek. I think of my fiance, fondly, as a geek. But on several occasions, I've gone into a game store, or a comic book store etc, and within a 10 seconds of entering, I want to leave desperately because of the unpleasant atmospheres I'm treated to.

This is far from the only time, but yesterday I visited a brand new comic book store that opened in my town. I had actually been in before, shortly after it opened, and managed to break the ice by marvelling "How long have you guys been her?" Because, well, there wasn't a comic book store there before! Managed to have a quick chat with the owners who seemed nice enough...

I was in town yesterday and was looking forward to going in. I stepped in, and the worker behind the counter didn't bother to look up, but the large group playing some sort of card game (if I had to guess, I would say probably Magic), glared at me. I smiled. No smiles back.

The guy at the counter didn't even look at me, let alone greet me.

I started to peruse their graphic novels. The selection was small, and there wasn't a huge amount of interest to me, but I was having a good look anyway. All the while, I can feel eyes boring holes into the back of my head, and the people actually working there do not say a fucking word.

Within 3 minutes, I had walked back out again.

I'm really fucking sick of this sort of attitude. You know where this kinda thing doesn't happen? ACTUAL bookstores. I have gotten into great conversations with fellow geeks when we've congregated around the graphic novels, sci-fi and video-game-tie-ins sections.

But these petty little men just all sit together in their little clique glaring at anyone who isn't a part of their childish little club.

I can't be sure if the store itself is to blame, but I can guarantee them now that if they're going allow that to happen all the time, they are not going to get any custom and they will go out of business. Because I for one, will much prefer take my custom to Waterstones, or even Amazon.

And those guys, if thats how they act around girls all the time, then no wonder none of them get laid. Jerking off while Fem-Shepherd has lesbian sex with an Asari does not count as a lay. And geeks totally get laid. Just look at my fiance

[AnaKhouri]

Wow, that sucks. I usually get stared at (a girl? They exist?!) but have never been treated rudely in a place like that. I occasionally get a condescending "Can I help you find something?" (expecting, I guess, that I want Archie or shonen-ai manga or something) and then a gaping stare when I ask for Garth Ennis' The Boys, or Warren Ellis' run on The Authority. The store we go to now is very friendly, lots of families come in and the owner's wife works there.

[HYHYBT]

I'm a bit confused about one point; perhaps you can clarify.

Yes, they're being horribly rude. Where does the "nasty sluts" thing fit in, though?

[Dreamstalker]

You just described the atmosphere at The Jerk's game store perfectly. His original idea was to move into a larger space to get more customers...but what he never grasped was that the 'core' customer base was driving the casual shoppers (and any females that didn't actually work there) away. The larger space just made it that much more obvious.

[Little Retail Rabbit]

I'm a bit confused about one point; perhaps you can clarify.

Yes, they're being horribly rude. Where does the "nasty sluts" thing fit in, though?

Some won't agree with me, but it is my opinion, based on my experiences and those of people I've spoken to, and even an account that a young lady posted here some time back (sadly I can't remember her username), that those types of geeks (important: NOT ALL) think of all girls as sluts. Either because they associate us all with the popular bitchy girls at school who shot them down and made fun of them, or because of encounters with girls who were nice to them, totally mistook it for something more than just polite friendliness, and couldn't deal with the so-called "rejection" (that has happened to me a LOT, a lot of clueless lads can't seem to realise that a conversation does NOT equal flirting!).

Once again, I have to be clear, I'm only saying THOSE types do it. And thats my opinion of course. Opinion based on experiences, but my opinion nonetheless. Its like a screwed up defence mechanism, I think. Just assume all girls are mean sluts like the cheerleaders at school.

Because clearly, if I describe my fiance as a geek, well he can't be like them. Most of my male friends are my friends because we share those hobbies and interests, and they are lovely guys. Once of my closest guy friends and I have "bro-talk", where basically we talk about "dude-stuff" (video games mostly).

I have girlish tastes, and I suppose another part of the "elitism" is that "I have better taste than you" factor...but I don't just like manga and cutesy stuff. Being a goth, I have a strong liking for things such as the Sandman series (which that store does stock). At first I wondered if maybe my goth outfit might have provoked the reaction, but in truth, I think those sorts tend to be more intimidated by that sort of look, so I do feel it was my gender that bugged them (maybe I could try again one time in a total death-rock style).

Dreamstalker, this shop is quite small, and I think that makes it feel worse actually...you have to stand very close to where they are playing their games to get a decent look at the stock, you can't just hide away in a comfortable corner or anything. Another one I went to last year has amazing stock, but the guy behind the counter is really bad with the customer service (nattering away on the phone for ages while I was trying to get his attention) and then got a bit snide when I asked if he stocked Fathom. Its a shame because I used to frequent a comic book place when I was a teenager that was GREAT, and I used to hang out there and catch up with the people who worked there...I want a place like that again

[Moosenogger]

That's odd, I get the exact opposite reaction. I'm not even model material - just a regular 20-something who happens to like video games and (some) comics. Last time I went into a comic book store I got into a conversation with the employee about the Silent Hill comics and games. He was very nice and we had a pleasant chat.

Sorry that you were treated badly at your local store. It's odd that they would take a negative interest in a female geek. :/

[Kheldarson]

Guys are weird about geek girls...

I never had an issue hanging out with the guys and just chilling until I got into college. Then I started meeting guys who either A) wouldn't give me the time of day with our shared interest because "I was a girl" or B) were creeps about the fact I was a gamer girl. Fortunately my core group was pretty cool about it.

[Mr Hero]

I'm a bit confused about one point; perhaps you can clarify.

Yes, they're being horribly rude. Where does the "nasty sluts" thing fit in, though?

I'd imagine this would be the same crowd on XBL who, when hearing a female, are all "tits or GTFO" though you're right it didn't play into the actual story. Thanks for the clarification, LRR.

[Dreamstalker]

Another one I went to last year has amazing stock, but the guy behind the counter is really bad with the customer service (nattering away on the phone for ages while I was trying to get his attention) and then got a bit snide when I asked if he stocked Fathom.

The Jerk was like that. He was so focused on keeping the 'core customer base' happy that he eventually did a pretty good job of alienating casual shoppers. When I was there, only two of us cared about how the store looked to non-geeks (we both pushed to have part of the basement set aside for overstock so it wasn't all over the floor, but were shot down). The new store location didn't help; it's on a side street that has no other businesses so you have to know it's there.

The way that the new space is laid out, the entire basement is for minis gaming. It got pretty...odiferous...down there regularly. So any 'normals' just stayed away from buying miniatures even if they played, just to avoid the gamer-funk. The salesfloor was a bit better, but you still got the social-outcasts-that-make-me-look-normal crowding around the counters where the Magic singles are kept (intimidating anyone who wanted to buy something).

The old space was 1/4 the size, but it was in an area that got a lot of tourist traffic (he also advertised it as primarily a bookstore) which kept the nerd-elitism at bay somewhat.

[RayvenQ]

Just like everyone else, some geeks are good, some aren't, it also doesnt help that usually there's social awkwardness with some of them as well as the whole territorial aspect of their niche. I know exactly the kind of people you mean, they're so built into what they've pegged as their little corner of the universe, they don't like anyone intruding in that, especially girls, because they tend to be socially awkward/unlucky/nervous around girls. Not saying every geek is like this, but i know the kind LRR means.

Thats why I like my local GW, the atmosphere there is complete tolerance, young, old, male, female, newbie or vet, we all get along, anyone new comes in its "hey come on over" and introductions are made.

It's not Geeks you're encountering LRR, it's Assholes in Geeks clothing.

[Kogarashi]

Thank goodness I've never gotten that reaction (yet). Usually it's just the "wait, you're a geek too? Not just your husband?" or "wow, there's actually a girl at D&D Day!" or something like that. I didn't even notice it that much at undergrad because in our part of Utah, the gaming community seemed to be evenly split gender-wise, and most people I ran into were actually quite well-adjusted socially. Heck, my regular group was even 60% or more female, depending on the attendance on any given night. I ran a D&D campaign where my husband was the only male in attendance (though one of the girls was running a male character, so the party was 50/50).

I didn't realize that there were actually people who fit the stereotypes something fierce until we moved to Connecticut, and suddenly I'm one of maybe three women at any game session. A lot of the guys were the foully-unwashed variety too. Thankfully, I still didn't get many weird looks for being female. I usually got them for having kids at a gaming session or D&D Day or whatever.

Luckily the local game stores here in NY seem a bit friendlier all around. I've seen girls at the counter there, and when Hubby and I first stopped in after moving here to see what their wares were like and to peruse their Magic singles, we were both warmly greeted by a regular who got to discussing tournament play with us.

[Krysalis]

At least I've managed to avoid this attitude nearly everywhere. The local geek/comic store is owned by a really nice manager; he made reservations for us, my sister and I, to get the Fossil expansion for Pokemon when it came out. That should tell you how long they've had our custom.

During the week, it is served by a wonderful lady, who is nice, chatty, very good humor and loves to show us new things. She's been working there as longer as I've been there, and she's an absolute delight. I ended up writing a Thank You letter to her as my 7th Grade English homework once.

The last guy, though? He's fallen into the Elitist Snob. He works weekends, which is when we stay away from the shop, except for Magic tournaments. He once accused my good and honest BF of stealing, when there was nothing missing! No, he wasn't stealing either, he stopped by to get my Christmas present that he had on hold; a purple Chibithulu. The only reason he's still around is he won't leave. They once tried to hire me on for weekends if he left. I did attempt, but...

I never claimed I wasn't a total geek, right?

[mikoyan29]

reminds me of the other hobby store in my hometown. Although for a different reason. If you didn't do remote control cars, they almost didn't have the time of day for you. They got my money but that was the last time....

[IvorTangrean]

When I first started playing M:tG my brother and I would go to this one store to buy cards, almost every time the owner would sigh, stand up from his game and grudgingly sell us our stuff. Needless to say that store closed a LONG time ago.

[Gizmo]

Thats why I like my local GW, the atmosphere there is complete tolerance, young, old, male, female, newbie or vet, we all get along, anyone new comes in its "hey come on over" and introductions are made.

Back in the nineties my parents painted a whole load of the figures for the local GW displays. They stopped very abruptly due to starting to find the figures were getting chipped and looking bad - which was soon explained by seeing an employee resetting a display by sweeping the whole shelf into a box haphazardly and practically chucking it across the room away from him rather than taking care of them.