Army Convoy Fun

[Gilhelmi]

This thread reminded me of the good-ol-days in the Army Reserve

We were heading to another unit in our M998 HMMWV (Humvees to civilians reading this ). This was to also give us more time behind the wheel in the behemoths. There were 5 vehicles in our little convoy. The mission was one of complete and utter doom for all involved (paperwork, lots and lots of Army paperwork, we were helping 150 soldier mobilize, each with packets of at least 20 pages. Doom befalls all who witness the sight)

Ye' US Army Guidelines for conducting military movement (in a non-war zone)

1) Thou shall set ye' speed to 5 mph Below the posted speed limit. This is to allow catch up if the convoy gets slightly separated. (most highways here are 65 mph, but the rule applies in towns too. F*** 10 mph zones.)
2) Thou shall place thine slowest vehicle up front to set the speed. Not all of our HMMWV's could do 60 mph, this meant top speed was now 55 mph. Oh good, you catch on quickly.
3) When driving through a village or town, thou shall not be closer than 50 meters. When driving on an open Highway, thou shall not be closer than 100 meters. (we use standard for speed, but metric for distance?!?)

So, not only do we go really slow, but we leave little room to pass. Even less room when the "no passing zone" lasts for 20+ miles.

When we did get to a stop sign, a woman pulled around our mighty convoy and blocked us from going (*read: high pitch female voice* In the cutest little car ever ).

She got out and chewed out the Convoy Commander something fierce, or it would have been, if the LT did not have such a board look on his face, and her car was not so tiny in comparison to our vehicles. Mostly, the rant was just funny . LT simply said, in a very polite way, to move or the police would be called.

Sadly, this threat worked, and we were back on our way to do paperwork at the other unit.

BONUS TIME:
At a Game store I frequent. A friend came in late, he told how he got stuck behind a convoy for 2 hrs. And how mad he was. "Why do they have to drive on public roads? bla bla" (and where else would we learn to drive? the moon?)

I laughed and retold this story to him and found great humor at his suffering.

As foretold by Prophecy, "We have no control over how fast we go. Also, we do not care. No seriously, the Army banned us from caring. Ya, too many hurt feelings. Weird, I know. "

[wolfie]

That woman was lucky the convoy wasn't carrying "sensitive" stuff - her actions could have been interpreted as the opening move in a hijacking attempt, and dealt with accordingly.

[TheSHAD0W]

I recall another story, don't remember if I read it here? One of the other rules, especially with a long convoy, is they aren't supposed to let other cars merge in between convoy vehicles.

The story was of somebody with a sports car who tried to merge in between, and the vehicle behind pulled forward to cut him off.

The car slowed and pulled even with the one that cut him off, and the passenger window lowered. The driver, with sunglasses and gangsta clothing of some persuasion, glared out at the military man and was apparently yelling (though the military driver couldn't hear over the noise of his engine).

The military man shrugged.

The gangsta then brandished a handgun, perhaps of the Glock variety, still apparently yelling.

The military driver lifted his M-16 to where the gangsta could see it, shrugged again.

The gangsta then left at a high rate of speed.

[Sandman]

My gun is bigger than your gun... both the actual gun and thr other gun..

[wolfie]

The gangsta then brandished a handgun, perhaps of the Glock variety, still apparently yelling.

The military driver lifted his M-16 to where the gangsta could see it, shrugged again.

The gangsta then left at a high rate of speed.

Too bad the military vehicle in question wasn't equipped with a powered turret mounting a .50 - would have been more impressive if instead of the driver showing an M-16, one of the crew had swung the .50 around to point at the gangsta's vehicle.

[An Haddock]

My gun is bigger than your gun... both the actual gun and thr other gun..

"...this is for fighting, this is for fun."

[DGoddessChardonnay]

I recall another story, don't remember if I read it here? One of the other rules, especially with a long convoy, is they aren't supposed to let other cars merge in between convoy vehicles.

The story was of somebody with a sports car who tried to merge in between, and the vehicle behind pulled forward to cut him off.

The car slowed and pulled even with the one that cut him off, and the passenger window lowered. The driver, with sunglasses and gangsta clothing of some persuasion, glared out at the military man and was apparently yelling (though the military driver couldn't hear over the noise of his engine).

The military man shrugged.

The gangsta then brandished a handgun, perhaps of the Glock variety, still apparently yelling.

The military driver lifted his M-16 to where the gangsta could see it, shrugged again.

The gangsta then left at a high rate of speed.

And hopefully needed to reupholster the driver's seat, because that little wanna be probably wet and/or crapped his pants and ran home screaming for his mommy to save him.

I so love that mental image.

[Chromatix]

If the convoy happened to include tracked vehicles, then one would assume that less interference from the moronic contingent of the travelling public could be expected. It's pretty hard to argue with a Royal Ordnance L7, never mind the 50-cal backing it up.

[Gilhelmi]

Sadly, we were not going to the range. So no weapons.

Though it is not well known (outside of the military), sometimes if a unit is heading to the rifle range they have all but one of their weapons secured in a truck. The one that is not with the rest is hidden next to one of the Sargents, Loaded. (espessially if their is a hightened state of alert.)

On a slightly different topic, have you ever wondered how the military transports munitions around the country? I mean, we do have to be ready, in the unlikly event of an invasion. Munitions do have exparation dates, mortars and artillery shells do need to be rotated.

Every year, instead of paying overpriced contractors, the Army pulls a few Transportation companies and battalions. For Annual Training they will haul the munitions around to were they are needed. This gives the drivers and logistics people a chance to train in a real world mission and the Army gets the work done.

So if you see a convoy of large military simi-trucks, and they have saftey signs saying "Explosives".

You should believe it and give them plenty of room

[AccountingDrone]

"...this is for fighting, this is for fun."

*snicker*

Every summer for about 10 years we would make the pilgrimage to Canada to visit one of my Grandfather's summer houses by following RT 101 along the shore of Lake Ontario ... putting us smack in the middle of multiple convoys headed to Fort/Camp [depending on the year] Drum. I get diesel fume migraines. Yay me. We would roll into customs at the border invariably with me whacked off my ass on drugs flaked out in the back seat.

But I have always loved flirting with the guys in the trucks ahead or alongside of me on the road, though I am not sure whether they liked me more when I was younger in my mustang or in my scout [top removed, doors replaced with webbing, couple of big dogs in the back] Though I think they are happy to have someone waving and nut pissed with them =)

[Jetfire]

Luckily there are four lane highways leading to CFB Gagetown now from all directions (including from the States) so the Convoys are not as disruptive as they used to be. Still, I remember before the TCH and I-95 were twinned, going to Freddy, and seeing dozens to at times hundreds of military vehicles going down, usually in bunches of about 5-8 or so IIRC, on the way to or from training at Gagetown.

Still see them (and the radio usually warns when big convoys are on the move), but with the twinned highway we tend to be separated enough to not notice as much.

[dendawg]

The title gave me an earworm. Thanks, OP.

[wolfie]

I recall another story, don't remember if I read it here? One of the other rules, especially with a long convoy, is they aren't supposed to let other cars merge in between convoy vehicles.

What happens if there's a long convoy and a mandatory merge (e.g. car coming down an onramp, "trucks use right lane" on a hill, with the right lane ending at the top of the hill, construction zone where the road is reduced to one lane)? Basically, any situation where a vehicle has to:

1) Merge into the middle of the convoy

2) Stop and wait until the convoy gets past, with accompanying problems (other vehicle coming down the onramp and accelerating, truck with 40,000 pounds of cargo trying to get up to highway speed from a dead stop on an uphill grade, etc.)

3) Go into the ditch

Remember that this is happening on a public road, where the employer's protocols don't override the law. The convoy not letting other vehicles in would cause SERIOUS problems.

Bonus points: Refusing to let people into the column at a "mandatory merge" is aggressive driving, and probably in violation of a number of statutes. For the onramp or construction scenario, what happens if a "blocked" vehicle happens to be a police car, which proceeds to "light up" to pull over the offender?

[ApolloSZ]

I've encoutered army truck convoys a few times, mostly passing the other direction, few of the UniMogs. Twice I've been around when a few LAV's (Light Armoured Vehicles for us Civvies - NZ doesn't get the big HumVees or Tanks ) were convoying somewhere.

The first was a passing lane, they were in the left lane and I was overtaking on the right. Mum spotted a guy standing out of the cupola on the lead vehicle and wondered what he was up to (no Pintle mount etc) - I theorised he was the drivers rear view, given the driver was behind a vision slit so couldn't see if it was safe to merge. We passed them and carried on (was uphill, they were not speedy, but probably under speed limits like Gilhelmi mentioned)

The second I was in Christchurch about two days after the big Feb quake and heading back to the office when I spotted a convoy approaching behind me. Y'know what I did? Got the hell out of the way, a LAV with a big cannon is a good encouragement XD. Given this was while they were mobilised to assist with the quake damage, I figure they were actively heading somewhere as they were in a hurry.

Both times I inwardly had the "Squee big machines and mechanical stuff and broom broom!" moment. XD - Dont judge :P

[Gilhelmi]

What happens if there's a long convoy and a mandatory merge (e.g. car coming down an onramp, "trucks use right lane" on a hill, with the right lane ending at the top of the hill, construction zone where the road is reduced to one lane)? Basically, any situation where a vehicle has to:

1) Merge into the middle of the convoy

2) Stop and wait until the convoy gets past, with accompanying problems (other vehicle coming down the onramp and accelerating, truck with 40,000 pounds of cargo trying to get up to highway speed from a dead stop on an uphill grade, etc.)

3) Go into the ditch

Remember that this is happening on a public road, where the employer's protocols don't override the law. The convoy not letting other vehicles in would cause SERIOUS problems.

Bonus points: Refusing to let people into the column at a "mandatory merge" is aggressive driving, and probably in violation of a number of statutes. For the onramp or construction scenario, what happens if a "blocked" vehicle happens to be a police car, which proceeds to "light up" to pull over the offender?

In the states, we really do not care if regular traffic merges into the convoy. The "Not allowing other vehicles to merge" is mainly for driving in a war-zone.

They can pass us, if they have an opportunity. But on many roads there just is no room to pass even one vehicle.