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The 'Oh %$!* Handles'

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  • The 'Oh %$!* Handles'

    This tale comes from my sister.

    BG: At the time (about 10 years ago) my sister was the main driver of our 1985 Jeep Cherokee, which my dad bought new and still owns and operates it. She was heavily involved in a church at the time and her friend, A, was equally devoted and was the sort of person to never utter a curse or unkind word for any reason.

    The naming of the handles:

    Driving down the freeway with A in the passanger seat, my sister encountered a prison bus (the school bus painted white kind) in the middle lane going rather slow, and since the Jeep isn't quite capable of getting up to speed to pass in the left lane (We call it The Heffer for a reason), she moved to the right lane, which was open at the time to maintain her speed.

    As she was about halfway past the prison bus, the driver of the bus decided it was time to move to the right as well, not by signalling, but by changing lanes without warning and without looking well enough to see the bright white Jeep that was occurying that space.

    As the road was the kind that had two feet of shoulder before sloping downwards into dirt, my sister could only dodge to the side so far before her only choice was the slam on the brakes to avoid diving into the ditch.

    Jeep Cherokees have a strong tendancy to fish-tail, esepcially when not carrying any load, and not only did the car fish-tail, but it spun out, a full 540 degrees.

    Amid this, my sister'd friend, A, latched onto the little handle just above the door, typically used to help getting in and out of the car, and, despite her usual gentle language tendancy, screamed 'OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!'

    Thankfully, the traffic behind them was far enough back to come to a stop before reaching my sister, whom was now facing the wrong way. She was able to turn around and continue onward. The bus driver apperantly realized what had happened, as it was pulled over a short ways down the road, but since no damage was done (Physically, anyway), she just drove past.

    My sister tells me that hearing A scream profanity like that was more shocking than the spin-out, hence why we call any handle beside a car door the 'Oh Shit Handles'

  • #2
    Well, after a plane crash they never bother listening to the last two words off the flight recorders.
    I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
    Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
    Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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    • #3
      Or to quote Bill Cosby..

      "First you say it, then you do it!"
      Just sliding down the razor blade of life.

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      • #4
        In my family we've always called those grips above the doors "Oh Sh!t Grips". It was the one time us kids could get away with swearing in front of the grownups.

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        • #5
          Quoth dalesys View Post
          Well, after a plane crash they never bother listening to the last two words off the flight recorders.
          Ironic... in a sci-fi book I read they too said that most operatives had the same last words. To the point where they used it as their nickname of death.

          Person 1: What happened to so-and-so
          Person 2: She went oh shit.

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          • #6
            Heeheehee. I have found that, on the rare occasions that I am a passenger in a car, I hang on to the Oh Shit Bar out of habit. Ya see, I used to ride home from school every day with my aggressive-driving, no-depth-perception brother...in his Geo Metro. >_< I get nervous when a car lacks the handle in question.
            "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
            "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
            "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
            "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
            "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
            "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
            Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
            "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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            • #7
              it drives my boyfriend a bit crazy but i like holding on to it to... just because it's comfortable sometimes, especially in the heat.

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              • #8
                We call them the Jesus bars. "JEEEEEESUS!!"

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                • #9
                  We call them "holy sh!t" handles and I actually broke the one in our work truck thanks to my one coirkers driving. I've been thinking about nominating him for Canada's Worst Driver if it meant I didn't have to go with him.

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                  • #10
                    My mom relies on the 'oh $h1t' bar when my dad drives. Not that my dad drives badly, just now as slow or as gently as my mom. Get my dad in a big, mostly empty parking lot and in a mischievous mood...
                    Driver Picks the Music, Shotgun Shuts His Cakehole.
                    Supernatural 9-13-05 to forever

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                    • #11
                      The "Oh Shit" handles are the little ones. As I understand it, the larger bars, typically across the dashboard, are more commonly referred to as "Hail Mary Bars".

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