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The Crazy Was Strong This Evening...and all week...
BG: I work a hotel front desk in a national park. I'm coming off 7 days in a row. And I'm doing it with booze. Perhaps, after reading this ramble, you will understand why...
What is it, exactly, that you want?
This one is from tonight...what a night it was.
Room xxx calls us about 7:30. They say their heater won't turn on.
We send the porter.
Room xxx calls us about 7:31. They say their heater won't turn off.
I start to send the porter again, realize it has already been called in (we only write "help w/ heater" on the list because there's not much room, so I didn't realize it was the opposite request), and do nothing.
The porter goes to room xxx and is told that they would like someone to come turn the heater off, but would prefer if they came after they were done with dinner, and to make it about 10 PM.
Room xxx calls us about 7:50. They want us to turn their heater off. It's fine if someone comes in while they're at dinner. In fact, they'd prefer if it's done while they're gone. They'll be back around 10, so please do it before then.
The maintenance department, who was called by the porter, calls us about 8:10 to ask what the room number was that wanted their heater turned off. I tell them the number, they try to clarify that it's not OK to go in while the guests are at dinner. I am confused and tell them that's the opposite of what the guest told me.
Room xxx's guests come to the desk after dinner (about 8:50) and ask us if we could please turn the heater on for them. The porter is standing right there and tells them he already had it turned off for them. No, no, they want it turned back on apparently. So he calls maintenance again to tell them to turn it on. They argue back and forth for a bit. Finally the porter brings a space heater to the room.
Get this. They want him to come in during the night while they're sleeping and turn it off so it doesn't get too hot. Then they want someone to come in before they wake up in the morning and turn it back on.
Room xxx calls us. They just want a wake-up call or to ask a simple question with a one-word answer this time. My coworker stops cringing when she realizes this.
"Can You Bring Me a Sprite?"
Coworker fielded this call. Apparently the gentleman in question was in a wheelchair and did not want to come all the way to our building to get a Sprite for his wife, who was feeling sick to her stomach. So we got this question. The answer, surprisingly, was yes. The porter brought him a Sprite. His tip was large.
Congratulations, you just made my brain BSOD.
One from three days ago.
DA=Dumbass
DA: Can you call (lodge I'm currently standing in) for me?
Me: (blinks hard for a few seconds) You're...at...(lodge)...? (the best part was he was fishing around for a cheaper room rate and we had already told him we didn't have rooms, and lodges X, Y, and Z had them at higher prices than he wanted to pay...so apparently he had sat down to read his rate brochure and was like "ZOMG (lodge) has bettar rate!" We really, really don't when you show up THE DAY OF in a VERY popular national park and think you can just get a room)...
I kind of wish I had thought to make a smart remark about how I don't usually answer when I call myself, but he wasn't a native English speaker and I know enough to suppress that kind of urge anyway. Most of the time.
I can't help what you're personally in orbit around...
..10 internets for the reference.
This was yesterday. Lady comes up to the desk, asks me about food allergies. Her kid has a bunch of them and she wants to know which restaurants would be most willing to cater to him. I give her a suggestion and she thanks me and starts to walk away. BW (Bitchy Woman) comes up, hands me a piece of paper wordlessly, and turns around and starts talking to a group of people in front of the desk about 10 feet away. I start puzzling over the piece of paper (first of all, I'm a loaner at this lodge and not used to their ways of doing things. Secondly, where I work, a tour director doesn't normally just hand someone a piece of paper with NO pertinent information other than the name of the tour group and expect them to know what to do with it) and I'm kind of waiting to catch BW's attention so I can ask her exactly what it is she's trying to accomplish, but she's deep in conversation and at exactly this moment the first lady comes back up and starts asking me for more particulars and if I could call the restaurant in question, etc. BW comes back up about 3 minutes into this and interrups the lady to snap at me.
BW: Why are you not getting my room keys?
Me: I'm...sorry? (gestures toward lady) She had a question, and I was helping her earlier, and you were-
BW: CAN you get my room keys? (this in an "are you even capable of doing something so complicated?" tone)
Me: (turning red) (gestures toward coworker) I actually am not able to do check-ins for tours, but (coworker) can help you with that.
BW: (stomps over to my coworker)
Lady: (mouths) Oh my GOD. (we have a good laugh)
The kicker is I wasn't lying. Only managers and supervisors are even trained on how to check in tour groups. So she was really wasting her time bitching at me.
We deserve the room for free.
This was un-flipping-believable, even to me...I should be completely jaded by now. Note: these are not our real prices because I'm paranoid. But the price cut was analogous, and it was half price, and it was a 2-digit number instead of a 3-digit number.
Me: We have (room type) with (# of beds) available tonight. It is normally one hundred dollars, however, because it is in a construction zone and there are (set of obstacles to the door), we are selling it for fifty dollars.
EW: Can you give us a senior discount so we can get more off the rate?
Me: (gaping) Uh....no, we don't offer any kind of senior discount, sorry...
EW and his fellow EW: (walk off in disgust) (also, EW and wife/girlfriend/thing looked about 40)
Really? Just...really? WHERE IN THE FLYING FUCK are you going to get a hotel room for less than $50 where you don't feel the need to leave the light on all night so drug deals, violence, and hooking stay on the other side of your unsecure, chain-has-been-torn-out door? I have NEVER stayed in a nice place for under $50, except hostels! We're in a NATIONAL PARK, in MAY. You're lucky we HAVE a room available, let alone one that's 2 figures! Just...guh.
And it's happy fun booze time now. *sigh*
What is it, exactly, that you want?
This one is from tonight...what a night it was.
Room xxx calls us about 7:30. They say their heater won't turn on.
We send the porter.
Room xxx calls us about 7:31. They say their heater won't turn off.
I start to send the porter again, realize it has already been called in (we only write "help w/ heater" on the list because there's not much room, so I didn't realize it was the opposite request), and do nothing.
The porter goes to room xxx and is told that they would like someone to come turn the heater off, but would prefer if they came after they were done with dinner, and to make it about 10 PM.
Room xxx calls us about 7:50. They want us to turn their heater off. It's fine if someone comes in while they're at dinner. In fact, they'd prefer if it's done while they're gone. They'll be back around 10, so please do it before then.
The maintenance department, who was called by the porter, calls us about 8:10 to ask what the room number was that wanted their heater turned off. I tell them the number, they try to clarify that it's not OK to go in while the guests are at dinner. I am confused and tell them that's the opposite of what the guest told me.
Room xxx's guests come to the desk after dinner (about 8:50) and ask us if we could please turn the heater on for them. The porter is standing right there and tells them he already had it turned off for them. No, no, they want it turned back on apparently. So he calls maintenance again to tell them to turn it on. They argue back and forth for a bit. Finally the porter brings a space heater to the room.
Get this. They want him to come in during the night while they're sleeping and turn it off so it doesn't get too hot. Then they want someone to come in before they wake up in the morning and turn it back on.
Room xxx calls us. They just want a wake-up call or to ask a simple question with a one-word answer this time. My coworker stops cringing when she realizes this.
"Can You Bring Me a Sprite?"
Coworker fielded this call. Apparently the gentleman in question was in a wheelchair and did not want to come all the way to our building to get a Sprite for his wife, who was feeling sick to her stomach. So we got this question. The answer, surprisingly, was yes. The porter brought him a Sprite. His tip was large.
Congratulations, you just made my brain BSOD.
One from three days ago.
DA=Dumbass
DA: Can you call (lodge I'm currently standing in) for me?
Me: (blinks hard for a few seconds) You're...at...(lodge)...? (the best part was he was fishing around for a cheaper room rate and we had already told him we didn't have rooms, and lodges X, Y, and Z had them at higher prices than he wanted to pay...so apparently he had sat down to read his rate brochure and was like "ZOMG (lodge) has bettar rate!" We really, really don't when you show up THE DAY OF in a VERY popular national park and think you can just get a room)...
I kind of wish I had thought to make a smart remark about how I don't usually answer when I call myself, but he wasn't a native English speaker and I know enough to suppress that kind of urge anyway. Most of the time.
I can't help what you're personally in orbit around...
..10 internets for the reference.
This was yesterday. Lady comes up to the desk, asks me about food allergies. Her kid has a bunch of them and she wants to know which restaurants would be most willing to cater to him. I give her a suggestion and she thanks me and starts to walk away. BW (Bitchy Woman) comes up, hands me a piece of paper wordlessly, and turns around and starts talking to a group of people in front of the desk about 10 feet away. I start puzzling over the piece of paper (first of all, I'm a loaner at this lodge and not used to their ways of doing things. Secondly, where I work, a tour director doesn't normally just hand someone a piece of paper with NO pertinent information other than the name of the tour group and expect them to know what to do with it) and I'm kind of waiting to catch BW's attention so I can ask her exactly what it is she's trying to accomplish, but she's deep in conversation and at exactly this moment the first lady comes back up and starts asking me for more particulars and if I could call the restaurant in question, etc. BW comes back up about 3 minutes into this and interrups the lady to snap at me.
BW: Why are you not getting my room keys?
Me: I'm...sorry? (gestures toward lady) She had a question, and I was helping her earlier, and you were-
BW: CAN you get my room keys? (this in an "are you even capable of doing something so complicated?" tone)
Me: (turning red) (gestures toward coworker) I actually am not able to do check-ins for tours, but (coworker) can help you with that.
BW: (stomps over to my coworker)
Lady: (mouths) Oh my GOD. (we have a good laugh)
The kicker is I wasn't lying. Only managers and supervisors are even trained on how to check in tour groups. So she was really wasting her time bitching at me.
We deserve the room for free.
This was un-flipping-believable, even to me...I should be completely jaded by now. Note: these are not our real prices because I'm paranoid. But the price cut was analogous, and it was half price, and it was a 2-digit number instead of a 3-digit number.
Me: We have (room type) with (# of beds) available tonight. It is normally one hundred dollars, however, because it is in a construction zone and there are (set of obstacles to the door), we are selling it for fifty dollars.
EW: Can you give us a senior discount so we can get more off the rate?
Me: (gaping) Uh....no, we don't offer any kind of senior discount, sorry...
EW and his fellow EW: (walk off in disgust) (also, EW and wife/girlfriend/thing looked about 40)
Really? Just...really? WHERE IN THE FLYING FUCK are you going to get a hotel room for less than $50 where you don't feel the need to leave the light on all night so drug deals, violence, and hooking stay on the other side of your unsecure, chain-has-been-torn-out door? I have NEVER stayed in a nice place for under $50, except hostels! We're in a NATIONAL PARK, in MAY. You're lucky we HAVE a room available, let alone one that's 2 figures! Just...guh.
And it's happy fun booze time now. *sigh*
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