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So... once a year or so the property I work at hosts a game tournament... We'll call it Pai Gow (we'll leave that there since anonymity).
This week I learned that Pai Gow is Chinese for needy old bitch.
Lines are for suckers
Three players walk up and are asking questions about the restaurant. While I don't know the answers, I am trying to help, and we're piecing the problem together. Up steps an EW.
EW = We all know this
Me = Your friendly neighborhood Night Auditor
EW- ::taps her key cards on the desk::
Me- ::Continues helping the guests I am currently with::
EW- ::Loudly clears her throat::
Me- ::Will not acknowledge her, she SEES I am helping other guests::
EW- ::Clears throat again combined with card tapping.::
Me- ::Looks over, briefly makes eye contact, hoping that she gets the hint that I'll be right with her then goes back to other guests.::
EW- "EXCUSE ME! SIR! EXCUSE ME!!"
Me- ::POINTEDLY IGNORES HER, finishes with other guests who appear taken aback by this woman's idiocy.::
The best part, it was for something inconsequential, there was no need to be waited on NOW!!!!!!1!!!Eleven!!!!1@!!!!
The room keys aren't interchangable?!"
KT = Key Thief
Me = still me
KT- "MY KEYS AREN'T WORKING AGAIN!"
Me- "Oh, I'm sorry about that, we have problems with the system from time to time, can I have your key?"
KT- "This is ridiculous! I can't believe you people don't know how to work the key system!"
Me- :Swipes Key through the key reader, it comes up valid for Room XXX: "Can I have your last name and room number?"
KT- "Its MRS Keythief! Room YYY"
Me- "Well there's your problem, you have someone else's key."
KT- "No I don't!"
Me- "The key reader doesn't lie, it says its a valid key for room XXX."
KT- "It worked before! Why did you change the room!?!"
Me- "There is no way to reassign a room on a key like that, if it worked before it wasn't in your room."
KT- "Oh yeah?! How did I get it then?!" ::as though this proves that this is her key not someone else's::
Me- "Uh... I have no idea how you got this key... Its definitely not for your room though."
KT- "This key *BETTER* work!"
Rollaway Beds aren't like sleeping on a cloud.
Shocking news this, but rollaway beds, are... well... rollaway beds.
B = BLANKETS, NAO!
Me = Same guy as before
B- "Hi, I have a rollaway bed in my room, and its... well I can feel something in it... I don't know... do you have a pad or something for it to make it comfortable? I mean its really... well... I can feel something in it... like a spring... yeah. I can feel a spring in it."
Me- "No, I'm sorry we don't have any extra cushions for them."
B - "Well you have to have something! Like and extra cushion for them... you know does Housekeeping have an extra cushion for them?"
Me- "No... we don't have extra cushions for them... I could maybe see about getting you some blankets to put on it to try to make it softer..."
B - "No, you have to have an extra cushion for them... something removable. I can feel something in the mattress... something like a spring! This bed is so uncomfortable, you have to have something... like a cushion for them."
Me - "No we don't have extra cushions for them... would you like a blanket?"
B - "I am sure you have a cushion, something removable... Housekeeping probably has them... but if blankets is all you have I guess I'll have to make do."
Me - "Sure, I can get a couple of blankets sent up, how many would you like?"
B - "Ten."
Me - "No... I can't send you ten blankets."
B - "Well I am sure you have a cushion that you can send me. If not this bed is going to need AT LEAST ten blankets to make it comfortable."
Me - "Yeah, I can't send you ten blankets."
B - "Well how many CAN you send me?!"
Me - "Uh 2 or 3?"
B - "Well send as many as you can then! This bed is REALLY uncomfortable!"
First off, if you want to have a comfy bed, then, I dunno, book a room with enough beds for your party. Don't expect a rollaway bed to be the height of comfort for anyone (except maybe kids who they are kinda designed for...) Second, demanding that I have mattress cushions doesn't MAKE them appear, and being an ass and trying to get 10 blankets won't endear you to me either. 2 queen sized blankets *SHOULD BE* more than enough extra cushioning for 1 single sized rollaway bed.
Thus Endeth the first hour of my shift...
A group of players gather in my lobby. They, of course, flip the channel to one of those SUPER BIASED "news" networks, and begin discussing. For starters, they are yelling over the TV, of course, since they are yelling they can't hear the tv anymore. Their solution? You guessed it, turn the TV up. Now they can't hear each other. Solution? Yell louder. Thus began the cycle that lead me to be nearly deafened.
The highlight of their conversation: "Hamsters can't reproduce with members of the the same gender." They are all repeating this back and forth like its some kind of break through.
Another interesting part, that I was, unfortunately drawn into.
D1 = Derp 1
D2 = R2... I mean Derp 2
Me = The good guy
D1 - "They have made to order eggs at breakfast here."
D2 - "No they don't!"
D1 - "Yes. they do."
D2 - "Nuh unh!"
D1 - "Nuh HUH!"
D2 - "Do not."
D1 - "I'm gonna ask!"
Me - ::No. nnonononononononono. Don't fucking::
D1 - "Do they have made to order eggs in the restaurant for breakfast."
Me - "Yup."
D1 - "HA HA I TOLLLLLLD Yooooooou!!"
Its too HOT in my room!
IM = Impossible to Please
Me = You know...
Me - :answering phone: "Front desk."
IM - "I called earlier, and you were supposed to give me a different room!"
Me - "Oh I'm sorry I am just coming on shift now, let me see if I..."
IM - "No! You were supposed to give me a different room, but I'm in an adjoining room, but the Air Conditioner isn't working! I was supposed to get a different room, but my family is in the adjoining room and I don't want a different room. but the AC isn't working at all!"
Me - "Uh... OK... how can I help?"
IM - "It really is hot up here!"
Me - "Yeah that's why we offered to move you to a different room..."
IM - "But I don't want to change my room!"
Me - "So I gathered... unfortunately that's the only option I have for you tonight... repairs like that take a while usually, and you wouldn't be able to use the room while it was being repaired."
IM - "But its really hot in here!"
Me - "Which is why we offered a different room..."
IM - "But I don't want a different room!"
Me - "Which is why you're still in that room."
IM - "This is such a bad hotel!"
Me - "Ok. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
IM - "I'll try to stick it out in this room tonight, but who should I call if I can't survive the night in this heat?"
Me - "Uh... me."
IM - "FINE!" :hangs up on me:
Its too COLD in my room!
The best part here is that this room is DIRECTLY next to the one who just complained it was too hot... not the connected room though.
AC = Air Conditioning means heat right?
Me = Honestly now.
Me -
icks up phone: "Front Desk."
AC - "It is FREEZING in my room! We went out earlier and set the Air Conditioner to low, and its still freezing! The Air Conditioner isn't blowing hot air at all!"
Me - "Oh, this time of year the building's heater is off. If you want it to warm up in there turn the AC off, and open a window it should be warm pretty quickly that way."
AC - "No! I set the air conditioner to low and its still blowing cool air!:
Me - "Yeah... the Air Conditioner only blows cold air... the heat is off this time of year."
AC - "But we're FREEZING!"
Me - "Open a window its like 80 degrees outside, it will warm the room up pertty fast."
AC - "You're not understanding me! I said its COLD in here and the air conditioning isn't blowing warm air!"
Me - "Yeah, I understand, you want it to be warmer in the room. The AC unit will *ONLY* blow cold air. If you don't want it to be cold anymore, turn the AC off, and open the window, it will warm right up."
AC - "Do you have a heater I can use?"
Me - "Um... no."
AC - "Then I want the heat turned on!"
Me - "Sorry then, I've told you heat is shut off for the summer. There is nothing I can do for you."
AC - "But its really cold in here."
Me - "I'm sorry but the window is the only option..."
The next night someone told me that I *SHOULD* have suggested blankets. I dunno I'd be kinda insulted if someone said, "Are you cold? You should get a blankie!!"
The Following Morning
Now look here, I don't take hints. So, you parading back and forth in front of my desk saying, "It's freezing." in a moronic stage whisper doesn't move me. Neither does the fact that its 74 degrees in here and I *HAVE TO* wear a long sleeved shirt, long pants and a ridiculous sweater vest. You'll notice from my fan that I am warm even though you might be freezing. I spend 10 hours in this room, you're here for less than 5 minutes... guess what, I am not shutting the AC off.
More to come.
As if that's all this group could cook up! I have a second night with these geniuses! Coming soon
This week I learned that Pai Gow is Chinese for needy old bitch.
Lines are for suckers
Three players walk up and are asking questions about the restaurant. While I don't know the answers, I am trying to help, and we're piecing the problem together. Up steps an EW.
EW = We all know this
Me = Your friendly neighborhood Night Auditor
EW- ::taps her key cards on the desk::
Me- ::Continues helping the guests I am currently with::
EW- ::Loudly clears her throat::
Me- ::Will not acknowledge her, she SEES I am helping other guests::
EW- ::Clears throat again combined with card tapping.::
Me- ::Looks over, briefly makes eye contact, hoping that she gets the hint that I'll be right with her then goes back to other guests.::
EW- "EXCUSE ME! SIR! EXCUSE ME!!"
Me- ::POINTEDLY IGNORES HER, finishes with other guests who appear taken aback by this woman's idiocy.::
The best part, it was for something inconsequential, there was no need to be waited on NOW!!!!!!1!!!Eleven!!!!1@!!!!
The room keys aren't interchangable?!"
KT = Key Thief
Me = still me
KT- "MY KEYS AREN'T WORKING AGAIN!"
Me- "Oh, I'm sorry about that, we have problems with the system from time to time, can I have your key?"
KT- "This is ridiculous! I can't believe you people don't know how to work the key system!"
Me- :Swipes Key through the key reader, it comes up valid for Room XXX: "Can I have your last name and room number?"
KT- "Its MRS Keythief! Room YYY"
Me- "Well there's your problem, you have someone else's key."
KT- "No I don't!"
Me- "The key reader doesn't lie, it says its a valid key for room XXX."
KT- "It worked before! Why did you change the room!?!"
Me- "There is no way to reassign a room on a key like that, if it worked before it wasn't in your room."
KT- "Oh yeah?! How did I get it then?!" ::as though this proves that this is her key not someone else's::
Me- "Uh... I have no idea how you got this key... Its definitely not for your room though."
KT- "This key *BETTER* work!"
Rollaway Beds aren't like sleeping on a cloud.
Shocking news this, but rollaway beds, are... well... rollaway beds.
B = BLANKETS, NAO!
Me = Same guy as before
B- "Hi, I have a rollaway bed in my room, and its... well I can feel something in it... I don't know... do you have a pad or something for it to make it comfortable? I mean its really... well... I can feel something in it... like a spring... yeah. I can feel a spring in it."
Me- "No, I'm sorry we don't have any extra cushions for them."
B - "Well you have to have something! Like and extra cushion for them... you know does Housekeeping have an extra cushion for them?"
Me- "No... we don't have extra cushions for them... I could maybe see about getting you some blankets to put on it to try to make it softer..."
B - "No, you have to have an extra cushion for them... something removable. I can feel something in the mattress... something like a spring! This bed is so uncomfortable, you have to have something... like a cushion for them."
Me - "No we don't have extra cushions for them... would you like a blanket?"
B - "I am sure you have a cushion, something removable... Housekeeping probably has them... but if blankets is all you have I guess I'll have to make do."
Me - "Sure, I can get a couple of blankets sent up, how many would you like?"
B - "Ten."
Me - "No... I can't send you ten blankets."
B - "Well I am sure you have a cushion that you can send me. If not this bed is going to need AT LEAST ten blankets to make it comfortable."
Me - "Yeah, I can't send you ten blankets."
B - "Well how many CAN you send me?!"
Me - "Uh 2 or 3?"
B - "Well send as many as you can then! This bed is REALLY uncomfortable!"
First off, if you want to have a comfy bed, then, I dunno, book a room with enough beds for your party. Don't expect a rollaway bed to be the height of comfort for anyone (except maybe kids who they are kinda designed for...) Second, demanding that I have mattress cushions doesn't MAKE them appear, and being an ass and trying to get 10 blankets won't endear you to me either. 2 queen sized blankets *SHOULD BE* more than enough extra cushioning for 1 single sized rollaway bed.
Thus Endeth the first hour of my shift...
A group of players gather in my lobby. They, of course, flip the channel to one of those SUPER BIASED "news" networks, and begin discussing. For starters, they are yelling over the TV, of course, since they are yelling they can't hear the tv anymore. Their solution? You guessed it, turn the TV up. Now they can't hear each other. Solution? Yell louder. Thus began the cycle that lead me to be nearly deafened.
The highlight of their conversation: "Hamsters can't reproduce with members of the the same gender." They are all repeating this back and forth like its some kind of break through.
Another interesting part, that I was, unfortunately drawn into.
D1 = Derp 1
D2 = R2... I mean Derp 2
Me = The good guy
D1 - "They have made to order eggs at breakfast here."
D2 - "No they don't!"
D1 - "Yes. they do."
D2 - "Nuh unh!"
D1 - "Nuh HUH!"
D2 - "Do not."
D1 - "I'm gonna ask!"
Me - ::No. nnonononononononono. Don't fucking::
D1 - "Do they have made to order eggs in the restaurant for breakfast."
Me - "Yup."
D1 - "HA HA I TOLLLLLLD Yooooooou!!"
Its too HOT in my room!
IM = Impossible to Please
Me = You know...
Me - :answering phone: "Front desk."
IM - "I called earlier, and you were supposed to give me a different room!"
Me - "Oh I'm sorry I am just coming on shift now, let me see if I..."
IM - "No! You were supposed to give me a different room, but I'm in an adjoining room, but the Air Conditioner isn't working! I was supposed to get a different room, but my family is in the adjoining room and I don't want a different room. but the AC isn't working at all!"
Me - "Uh... OK... how can I help?"
IM - "It really is hot up here!"
Me - "Yeah that's why we offered to move you to a different room..."
IM - "But I don't want to change my room!"
Me - "So I gathered... unfortunately that's the only option I have for you tonight... repairs like that take a while usually, and you wouldn't be able to use the room while it was being repaired."
IM - "But its really hot in here!"
Me - "Which is why we offered a different room..."
IM - "But I don't want a different room!"
Me - "Which is why you're still in that room."
IM - "This is such a bad hotel!"
Me - "Ok. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
IM - "I'll try to stick it out in this room tonight, but who should I call if I can't survive the night in this heat?"
Me - "Uh... me."
IM - "FINE!" :hangs up on me:
Its too COLD in my room!
The best part here is that this room is DIRECTLY next to the one who just complained it was too hot... not the connected room though.
AC = Air Conditioning means heat right?
Me = Honestly now.
Me -
icks up phone: "Front Desk."AC - "It is FREEZING in my room! We went out earlier and set the Air Conditioner to low, and its still freezing! The Air Conditioner isn't blowing hot air at all!"
Me - "Oh, this time of year the building's heater is off. If you want it to warm up in there turn the AC off, and open a window it should be warm pretty quickly that way."
AC - "No! I set the air conditioner to low and its still blowing cool air!:
Me - "Yeah... the Air Conditioner only blows cold air... the heat is off this time of year."
AC - "But we're FREEZING!"
Me - "Open a window its like 80 degrees outside, it will warm the room up pertty fast."
AC - "You're not understanding me! I said its COLD in here and the air conditioning isn't blowing warm air!"
Me - "Yeah, I understand, you want it to be warmer in the room. The AC unit will *ONLY* blow cold air. If you don't want it to be cold anymore, turn the AC off, and open the window, it will warm right up."
AC - "Do you have a heater I can use?"
Me - "Um... no."
AC - "Then I want the heat turned on!"
Me - "Sorry then, I've told you heat is shut off for the summer. There is nothing I can do for you."
AC - "But its really cold in here."
Me - "I'm sorry but the window is the only option..."
The next night someone told me that I *SHOULD* have suggested blankets. I dunno I'd be kinda insulted if someone said, "Are you cold? You should get a blankie!!"
The Following Morning
Now look here, I don't take hints. So, you parading back and forth in front of my desk saying, "It's freezing." in a moronic stage whisper doesn't move me. Neither does the fact that its 74 degrees in here and I *HAVE TO* wear a long sleeved shirt, long pants and a ridiculous sweater vest. You'll notice from my fan that I am warm even though you might be freezing. I spend 10 hours in this room, you're here for less than 5 minutes... guess what, I am not shutting the AC off.
More to come.
As if that's all this group could cook up! I have a second night with these geniuses! Coming soon
I hate, hate, HATE people like this! You are not the only person in this business, wait your 
turn!!! 
This does not sound like a sign of a good hotel...In fact it's kinda creepy. 
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