What NOT to do in a Casino

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

I won, I won!! Oh wait.

Well yes sir, you did win $2500 on a slot machine congratulations. Unfortunately you're on our self exclusion list which means we take your winnings and send you out of here in a police car, but thanks for playing.

(A "self exclusion" list is for people with a gambling problem. They can basically ban themselves from area casinos, thus making them ineligible for winnings and subject to arrest for trespass if they come on property).

Bow to the Master...or not

You thought you were so sly.

Security kicked your butt out of here so you decide to come back wearing a disguise consisting of a hat, glasses and a different shirt than what you had on before. You apparently don't realize that our security personnel are trained to recognize people despite any change of appearance.

Also the shirt change can do nothing to hide your noticeable beer gut.

We hope you enjoy your meeting with Mr. Policeman.

But I'm not drunk!

Ok, let's see here:

A) You are being loud and boisterous
B) You're stumbling around.
C) You nearly crashed right INTO a blackjack table
D) You are making some of the female guests around you feel uncomfortable

If you really are NOT drunk sir, you are either an obnoxious asshole or an excellent actor.

Either way, security doesn't believe you so bye bye.

What is this I don't even...

A couple of weeks ago security busted some guy who was just wandering around the parking garage...naked.

And in case you're wondering, no it wasn't the guy from the previous story. Though I suspect it may have been a relative.

It's a slot machine, not a punching bag

Yes, I get that you're upset that you lost your money, but beating the holy hell out of a slot machine will get you nothing except a banning, a court date and even LESS money.

I've seen people break handles, smash belly glass, destroy the buttons and smash top displays.

I know losing sucks, but you got to have some self control.

Where did it go???

SC: Where did my favourite slot machine go?! It used to be right *points* over there!
Me: We've been moving a bunch of machines around lately ma'am, I'm generally familiar with the gaming floor, but I'm afraid I don't know where that specific machine went. A slot attendant or slot tech can help you.
SC: NO! You work here, you help me!
Me: I already told you I don't know where that machine is, I can direct you to someone who does if you like.
SC: But you work here, you're supposed to know these things.
Me: I do work here, but my primary job doesn't take place on the slot floor.
SC: So?
Me: Excuse me?
SC: It shouldn't matter where your job is at, you should know every machine in here!
Me: I know many of them, but as I just told you they are changing things around and I'm not sure-
SC: FIND ME MY MACHINE!!
Me: Ok, come with me.

I pawned her off on a slot attendant who later told me this customer blew a gasket when it was discovered her machine had been sent back to the vendor and thus permanently removed from the floor.

[sms001]

Unfortunately you're on our self exclusion list

WTH? Did he forget, or think it didn't work or what? And that's a great idea - is it particular to some casinos or state mandated?

it was discovered her machine had been sent back to the vendor and thus permanently removed from the floor.

Oh karma, you are a wonder.

[mhkohne]

I won, I won!! Oh wait.

Too bad security couldn't catch him BEFORE he gambled. Sadly, there's no way for them to remember every banned face, and it's probably been a while since he put himself on the list.

I'm glad to know that the casino has the list, though, even if it's not perfect.

Bow to the Master...or not

You sure this one's not drunk as well? These aren't mall security guys who mostly deal with petty shoplifters and annoying mall rats. These guys deal with people trying to take large sums of money from their employers. They are in fact better trained and probably more motivated than the guys who caught you shoplifting when you were twelve. A change of shirt is NOT going to throw them off.

It's a slot machine, not a punching bag

If they don't want to lose, why do they play?

[taxguykarl]

Bow to the Master...or not
....Security kicked your butt out of here so you decide to come back wearing a disguise consisting of a hat, glasses and a different shirt than what you had on before. You apparently don't realize that our security personnel are trained to recognize people despite any change of appearance.

This wasn't the guy in the first story was it?

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

WTH? Did he forget, or think it didn't work or what? And that's a great idea - is it particular to some casinos or state mandated?

On the latter, I think it's usually mandated by a state gaming commission but I'm not entirely sure. As to the former...gambling addiction can be harsh. Some people, despite the fact they've self excluded, just can't fight the urge to go and play, so they try and do it anyway and security doesn't always catch them at the doors.

[fireheart]

On the latter, I think it's usually mandated by a state gaming commission but I'm not entirely sure. As to the former...gambling addiction can be harsh. Some people, despite the fact they've self excluded, just can't fight the urge to go and play, so they try and do it anyway and security doesn't always catch them at the doors.

You hit the nail on the head. I love the idea though!

Also re the slot machine lady, I'm sure that the machine's odds are all calculated equally?

[Shalom]

Where did it go???

SC: ( . . .) my favourite slot machine ( . . . )

this customer blew a gasket when it was discovered her machine had been sent back to the vendor and thus permanently removed from the floor.

I wonder if the two facts are related?

Perhaps it was paying off more often than it was supposed to, and that's A)why it was her favorite machine, and B) why it was sent back.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Also re the slot machine lady, I'm sure that the machine's odds are all calculated equally?

Casinos? Calculating things equally (read: fairly)?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh wait you're serious?

Let me laugh even louder.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

One thing that's always been true at casinos is that the House Always Wins.

Serious talk-- many gamblers have superstitions and believe very strongly that some machines are "luckier" than others. If you try to present them with evidence to the contrary, they won't care. It's their "lucky" machine. Or "lucky" table. Or "lucky" bracelet. Or "lucky" ring.

Etc.

[fireheart]

Serious talk-- many gamblers have superstitions and believe very strongly that some machines are "luckier" than others. If you try to present them with evidence to the contrary, they won't care. It's their "lucky" machine. Or "lucky" table. Or "lucky" bracelet. Or "lucky" ring.

Etc.

This is pretty much what I was getting at lol. Need moar coffee....

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Well there are machines that are "looser" than others. That simply means those machines will pay out a slightly higher percentage than the amount take in.

Regardless of how loose a machine is though, they are all still weighted so the House has an advantage. The lowest House odds are on $1 slots, Quarter slots and Blackjack.

[Ellf]

I loves me some blackjack. Give me about 500 dollars I'm willing to lose, and I might get kicked out <.<

[Jetfire]

Just got back from my Annual Vegas trip, and I love blackjack, especially a full table.

I seem to have my best luck at the start of the trip than at the end of it though.

First night, still jetlagged, I turned 100 into 150.

Second night, I turned 200 into 650. (I was trying to push to 1000, but the deck ran cold and it was 3AMish by that time so I called it a night. )

Tossed a lot of it back but had a blast. Especially the second night where I sat at a table for 8 hours. At one point I swear we were trying to out cheer the table next to us when the dealer busted or we got a lot of blackjacks in a row.

Funny thing is, with my Vegas trips, I'm usually a very introverted person, while mom's a major people person. But when we get to Vegas, she spends all her time on the slot machines, while I'm the socialite on the blackjack tables. After a week or so (combined with SOE Live; EQNext looks great BTW), I'm socially exhausted and ready to hide back in my turtle shell.

[EricKei]

Casinos? Calculating things equally (read: fairly)?

To paraphrase Cerebus:
Lord Julius - "He was expecting a straight-up fight; that hardly seemed fair."
Cerebus - "We are alive and he is dead. Seems fair to me."

...

Friend of mine used to be a slot attendant -- He confirmed for me that NO set of machines will collectively pay out more than they collectively take in, which makes sense (tho, of course, machine #1 out of a bank of 10 may pay out a jackpot that increases its specific balance to over 100%, but the others will be lower)...The final payout is still less than what they take in.

Different types of machines have difference %'s, too (money paid out as a percentage of real-world/non-comp $ put in; the % includes jackpots) -- quarter slots? Actually very very high, with $5 and higher slots even higher. Video poker? About as low as they can get away with an still have customers playing. Pennies and nickels? Almost as low as video poker. They're also deceptively pricey to play if you wanna be jackpot-eligible and have a VERY bad ratio of intake to payouts...a 20 thousand coin jackpot ain't a whole lot ($200 and $1000, respectively... on machines that can easily gobble up $3~5 per "max bet & max lines" play; $3-per-play quarter slots will often have jackpots that START with one more digit in that number, and pay off small rewards more often and more lucratively. Remember: it's worth the casino's while to keep the $3/5/10....$100 per spin players playing, and small payouts (enough for 3-5 spins or so at the minimum bet) every dozen or so spins will do that.

[Kagato]

The only thing I ever found "works" with the pokie machines (and even this is incredibly unreliable) - A couple of times in the past I'd go for a wander in to have a look around, mostly out of curiosity, if I saw a machine that someone had pumped a lot of money into and gotten little to nothing out of it, chances were that it was not far off spitting out a big prize.

One time I put in $20 and walked out with around $540. Another I put in $5 and won the jackpot for all the machines - just under $1000

[Sapphire Silk]

WTH? Did he forget, or think it didn't work or what? And that's a great idea - is it particular to some casinos or state mandated?

Addiction is an illness. Self delusion is one of the symptoms.

If they don't want to lose, why do they play?

If you don't play, you can't win.