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And a crappy day in Customer Service. Here are some highlights.
SW: Sucky Woman
SM: Sucky Man
DLR: Dealer
ME: Oh the pain. The pain of it all.
I'm sorry, I guess?
DLR: I want to activate line on customer's account.
ME: Ok, sure. Let me get you over to Activations.
DLR: You not Activations?
ME: No, I'm in Customer Service. But I'll be happy to transfer you.
DLR: I dial number for Activations! Why you not Activations?!
I'm sorry, ok! I tried out, but they said I wasn't pretty or popular enough
Vague but True
SW: I want to gets my husband a new phone for his line.
ME: Ok. Was there a specific phone he wanted?
SW: Yeah, yeah. He wanted....something.
ME: ...
SW: Maybe I better talk to him first, huh?
No comment.
Gee, I wonder
SM: I'm being chased by your Collection Agency and I don't appreciate it!
Hmm, let's see here. Your last payment was in October, your account canceled in January due to you not paying your bills, and you're only just now being contacted by a collection agency? We gave you plenty of chances, buster. And how can you be the least bit surprised by this?
The Hell with You, Too
SM: Yeah, you guys sent me this notice that my service will be canceled unless I pay my bill, so I just want to cancel the whole thing.
ME: Well, I see the March balance hasn't been paid, but the account is still active and not actually scheduled for interruption at this time. I'd be happy to take a payment for you now, then you wouldn't have anything to worry about.
SM: I know, I just haven't gotten around to paying it yet. But then you guys send me this notice, so the Hell with it. I'm done.
ME: But-
SM: Just cancel it, ok?
You know this is a two-way deal, right? We provide you with service, you provide us with money.
Not Sucky
CSR: *explains why customer wants to cancel* I'll go ahead and put the customer on through. How would you like me to introduce you?
"Her Royal Highness" would be fine.
Math Lesson
SW: My balance should only be 96.33, cause they were going to give me a credit. But it's 157.05. So I want the credit you owe me!
ME: They applied the credit to your account in February. That made your balance at that time 96.33 and I see you already paid that a few days later. But then you had a bill due on 03/15 for $79.77, but so far we haven't received a payment for that. You next bill has already been processed for $77.28, but that part of it isn't due until 04/15. But $79.77 + $77.28 = $157.05.
SW: No, no, no. Well, what about my credit? Why did they tell me $96.33?
ME: They did. And you paid it. We're looking at a completely different bill now.
SW: I ain't paying nothing til I get my credit.
ME: You did!
SW: But it should be $96.33!
ME: It was. The balance after the credit you received in February was $96.33 and you paid it the day after we applied the credit.
SW: Then where's this $157.05 coming from?
You're Yelling at the Wrong Person
SM: I want to know why you guys haven't received back the phone I sent when I got my exchange.
ME: Let me check the return tracking number that was on the label included in the box. Did you use the pre-paid shipping label?
SM: Yeah, and I put it in the UPS box to send it back.
ME: They don't show any record of the tracking number.
SM: Well, why not?
ME: I don't know. Have you talked to UPS?
SM: Why would I talk to them? It's your phone! I have service with you, not UPS.
ME: But they are the ones who shipped it back to us. The only reason the tracking number wouldn't be in our system is if they didn't scan it or didn't ship it. I can have our warehouse try to locate it, but they can only check their location, they can't trace it with UPS.
SM: So I get screwed because you made a mistake. Big surprise.
ME: That's not true. But if you shipped it back and they didn't ship it, you need to speak to them.
SM: It should be your responsibility to talk to them! I did my part.
ME: Ok, if you send someone a package and they don't receive it, would you tell them it's their fault for not receiving it? Or that they should be responsible for tracking it?
SM: No, but that's different.
Nice Try
SW: I want my internet service back on my PDA or I will cancel all my lines!
ME: Well, I see here you never had the internet plan on your line. But you say you had internet?
SW: That's right, up until last week.
ME: Let me see what I can find out.
I called Tech Support and they said there had been a long-time glitch in the system that allowed some customers to access the internet without actually having or paying for the feature. There was a system upgrade last week that fixed this.
ME: It turns out there had been an error in the system that enabled you to access the internet without actually having the feature or paying the monthly charge. But, since it was a glitch, it has been fixed and you need to have the internet service plan to access it from now on.
SW: That's not fair!
No, it's not fair that I don't charge you $240 for the last year you've been enjoying the free internet. I could, you know. It would only take me a moment. You're about to flip my "Evil" switch...
Oh, You Sneaky Little...
SW: I want to turn off the text messaging on my account. I take care of my sister, and she uses this phone, but she can't read or write, so she has no need of it.
ME: *explains how to prevent outgoing text messages*
SW: I just upgraded her phone back in January, so I know I can't cancel yet, but I wanted to know if I could put the account in her name. I'll still pay for it though.
ME (spider-sense tingling): Well, we can transfer the ownership of the account to another person. First I'll need to go over a few things with you to authorize it, then we'll need to speak to her to finish the process. She'll just need to accept the terms and conditions of service.
SW: Well, she wouldn't be able to understand you, so you'll just have to do everything through me. Isn't there some other way?
ME: Well, you could get a form from a local store and they'll fax it in. But she'd have to be able to read the T&C and sign her name, so...
SW: Sigh. I'll just leave it like it is for now.
That was actually clever. Put the account in your mentally disabled sister's name so you can go running to your attorney about how the big, bad cellphone company tricked her into a contract that she doesn't understand. You would have gotten away with it if you hadn't told me she had problems with comprehension.
SW: Sucky Woman
SM: Sucky Man
DLR: Dealer
ME: Oh the pain. The pain of it all.
I'm sorry, I guess?
DLR: I want to activate line on customer's account.
ME: Ok, sure. Let me get you over to Activations.
DLR: You not Activations?
ME: No, I'm in Customer Service. But I'll be happy to transfer you.
DLR: I dial number for Activations! Why you not Activations?!
I'm sorry, ok! I tried out, but they said I wasn't pretty or popular enough
Vague but True
SW: I want to gets my husband a new phone for his line.
ME: Ok. Was there a specific phone he wanted?
SW: Yeah, yeah. He wanted....something.
ME: ...
SW: Maybe I better talk to him first, huh?
No comment.
Gee, I wonder
SM: I'm being chased by your Collection Agency and I don't appreciate it!
Hmm, let's see here. Your last payment was in October, your account canceled in January due to you not paying your bills, and you're only just now being contacted by a collection agency? We gave you plenty of chances, buster. And how can you be the least bit surprised by this?
The Hell with You, Too
SM: Yeah, you guys sent me this notice that my service will be canceled unless I pay my bill, so I just want to cancel the whole thing.
ME: Well, I see the March balance hasn't been paid, but the account is still active and not actually scheduled for interruption at this time. I'd be happy to take a payment for you now, then you wouldn't have anything to worry about.
SM: I know, I just haven't gotten around to paying it yet. But then you guys send me this notice, so the Hell with it. I'm done.
ME: But-
SM: Just cancel it, ok?
You know this is a two-way deal, right? We provide you with service, you provide us with money.
Not Sucky
CSR: *explains why customer wants to cancel* I'll go ahead and put the customer on through. How would you like me to introduce you?
"Her Royal Highness" would be fine.
Math Lesson
SW: My balance should only be 96.33, cause they were going to give me a credit. But it's 157.05. So I want the credit you owe me!
ME: They applied the credit to your account in February. That made your balance at that time 96.33 and I see you already paid that a few days later. But then you had a bill due on 03/15 for $79.77, but so far we haven't received a payment for that. You next bill has already been processed for $77.28, but that part of it isn't due until 04/15. But $79.77 + $77.28 = $157.05.
SW: No, no, no. Well, what about my credit? Why did they tell me $96.33?
ME: They did. And you paid it. We're looking at a completely different bill now.
SW: I ain't paying nothing til I get my credit.
ME: You did!
SW: But it should be $96.33!
ME: It was. The balance after the credit you received in February was $96.33 and you paid it the day after we applied the credit.
SW: Then where's this $157.05 coming from?
You're Yelling at the Wrong Person
SM: I want to know why you guys haven't received back the phone I sent when I got my exchange.
ME: Let me check the return tracking number that was on the label included in the box. Did you use the pre-paid shipping label?
SM: Yeah, and I put it in the UPS box to send it back.
ME: They don't show any record of the tracking number.
SM: Well, why not?
ME: I don't know. Have you talked to UPS?
SM: Why would I talk to them? It's your phone! I have service with you, not UPS.
ME: But they are the ones who shipped it back to us. The only reason the tracking number wouldn't be in our system is if they didn't scan it or didn't ship it. I can have our warehouse try to locate it, but they can only check their location, they can't trace it with UPS.
SM: So I get screwed because you made a mistake. Big surprise.
ME: That's not true. But if you shipped it back and they didn't ship it, you need to speak to them.
SM: It should be your responsibility to talk to them! I did my part.
ME: Ok, if you send someone a package and they don't receive it, would you tell them it's their fault for not receiving it? Or that they should be responsible for tracking it?
SM: No, but that's different.
Nice Try
SW: I want my internet service back on my PDA or I will cancel all my lines!
ME: Well, I see here you never had the internet plan on your line. But you say you had internet?
SW: That's right, up until last week.
ME: Let me see what I can find out.
I called Tech Support and they said there had been a long-time glitch in the system that allowed some customers to access the internet without actually having or paying for the feature. There was a system upgrade last week that fixed this.
ME: It turns out there had been an error in the system that enabled you to access the internet without actually having the feature or paying the monthly charge. But, since it was a glitch, it has been fixed and you need to have the internet service plan to access it from now on.
SW: That's not fair!
No, it's not fair that I don't charge you $240 for the last year you've been enjoying the free internet. I could, you know. It would only take me a moment. You're about to flip my "Evil" switch...
Oh, You Sneaky Little...
SW: I want to turn off the text messaging on my account. I take care of my sister, and she uses this phone, but she can't read or write, so she has no need of it.
ME: *explains how to prevent outgoing text messages*
SW: I just upgraded her phone back in January, so I know I can't cancel yet, but I wanted to know if I could put the account in her name. I'll still pay for it though.
ME (spider-sense tingling): Well, we can transfer the ownership of the account to another person. First I'll need to go over a few things with you to authorize it, then we'll need to speak to her to finish the process. She'll just need to accept the terms and conditions of service.
SW: Well, she wouldn't be able to understand you, so you'll just have to do everything through me. Isn't there some other way?
ME: Well, you could get a form from a local store and they'll fax it in. But she'd have to be able to read the T&C and sign her name, so...
SW: Sigh. I'll just leave it like it is for now.
That was actually clever. Put the account in your mentally disabled sister's name so you can go running to your attorney about how the big, bad cellphone company tricked her into a contract that she doesn't understand. You would have gotten away with it if you hadn't told me she had problems with comprehension.
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